Pace shut the door to his apartment and leaned against it.  Rain dripped from his clothes to the floor and the sound barely registered in his foggy head.  You screwed up again Morgan his mind sneered.  Pace sighed and closed his eyes, the cool wood feeling wonderful to his burning forehead.  Joey was gone and Pace was almost positive that he would never see her again.  He pulled away from the door and shakily made his way over to the couch but instead of sitting on it he dropped to his knees on the floor and ran his hands through his wet hair.  The only thing that he could think about was her…Joey.

"It was nice talking to you."

That was the first time he had met Joey in New York.  It was the day that they had bumped into each other on the street corner.  He didn't want to think about that.  Pace dug his fingers in his hair, trying to keep the voices from invading his brain.  It was useless.

"This one is incredible.  What do you think would be the expression on his face if you could see it?"

"I think he would have a very serious frown of concentration on his face.  His eyes would be full of loss.  He's trying to find purpose in his life because he feels that he has lost everything.  He's come to the seashore to contemplate, regain his strength and start anew."

Pace uncovered his eyes and stared at the space where the sketch of the man would hang.

"The sketch of the man on the beach and the girl…how much-"

"They're not for sale."

"No?"

"No."

But Joey had given the sketch of the man to him.  Why?  Why had she really given it to him?  Why would she have given it to him if she had said that she would never sell it?  But she didn't sell it Pace.  She gave it to you.

"Who was he?

"Most people don't pick up on that."

"Oh."

"He was someone I knew a long time ago."

Pace remembered that night at the gallery so clearly.  The expression on her face…the look in her eyes…it had been almost more than he could take.

"Why did you call me that?"

"Your last name is Potter.  I call a lot of people by their last names."

"Yeah.  But most people never call me that.  It's a special nickname that only my close friends use."

"I'm sorry.  I didn't mean to offend you.  Honest."

"It's okay.  It just-it took me by surprise that's all."

Had Pacey called her that?  Was that why she had almost freaked out on him that night on the street?  Why had he called her "Potter" anyway?

"Pace, come on man.  This is me, Skip, your best buddy.  I know that you would have normally immensely enjoyed that lap dance."

"Bianca doesn't do lap dances?"

"That's not the point.  The point is that Joey is the first woman you've been really attracted to.  Don't you think you should grab what could be your chance at happiness?"

"It's complicated."

"No.  No it's not.  It's only complicated because you want it to be."

Pace choked back a snort of desperate laughter.  How right Skip had been that night!  But, he had also been wrong for it was complicated.  But Pace had not been prepared for just how complicated the potential for a relationship between Joey and himself would actually be.

"Yeah, well, that's life for you.  Things happen, you screw up, but you don't stop trying."

"Kris, I know that you're trying to help but please, drop this."

"Okay.  But please, Pace, just think about it.  This woman could be what you've been looking for."

"I'll think about it Kris."

And that was pretty much all he had been doing for the past six months…thinking about Joey.

"You're calling her now?"

"If I don't I'll loose my nerve."

Why the hell hadn't he kept his pact not to get her number?  Why had he felt as if he had to call her?  What had possessed him to take that first step toward the inevitable heartache that lay ahead?  Pace lowered himself all the way to the floor, his face on the carpet, his hands gripping the material trying to calm down but knowing that it was impossible.

Bessie Potter was beyond surprised when she opened the back door to see her kid sister standing on the porch.  "Jo, what on earth happened-" Bessie got no further because Joey dropped her bag and rushed into her sister's arms.  Bessie was even more agog when she realized that Joey was crying.  "Jo, what's wrong?"

Joey was too upset to speak.  She just stood there, sobbing on Bessie's shoulder.

Bessie hugged her sister tightly, trying to figure out what on earth could have happened.  Joey wasn't supposed to come home for almost a month and she certainly was not supposed to show up in the wee hours of the morning crying.

Finally, Joey pulled back and wiped at her eyes.

"Jo, what happened?"

Joey sighed and Bessie noticed that there were dark circles under her eyes.  "It's a long story Bessie."

"Well, I'm your sister.  I have time."

 Joey nodded.  "Yeah.  Let's go inside."

Bessie stared at Joey, her eyes wide.  "You're absolutely sure Jo?"

Joey wiped her eyes with a Kleenex and nodded.  "Yeah.  I'm sure Bessie."

"Wow."  Bessie sat back in her chair, trying to process everything that her sister had just told her.  "Jo, we all went to Pacey's funeral. He's legally dead."

"I know that."

"Jo…maybe you're wrong."

Joey's eyes flashed at her.  "No Bessie.  Trust me.  It's Pacey.  I know it is.  No one kisses me like that.  No one.  And the thoughtless comments…" Joey trailed off, deep in thought for a moment.  "Bess, he has a little heart scar on his knee."

"Like the one you gave Pacey when you were kids?"

"Yeah."

Bessie took a sip of tea as she processed this.  "Jo, this is wonderful."

"You would think so."

"Wait, it's not wonderful?"

Joey rolled her eyes.  "Bessie, he doesn't remember anything about me!"

Bessie smiled softly.  "But that doesn't mean that he won't."

"It's been almost eleven years Bess."

"And you felt something as soon as you met him, remember?"

Joey groaned.  "I knew I should have kept my mouth shut."

"Nuh-uh.  When my sister comes home crying she'd better tell me what happened to her."

Joey smiled weakly.

"Are you going to tell anyone?"

Joey sighed.  "I don't think that it's my place to tell anyone.  He doesn't even believe me."

"I can understand that."

Joey was silent as she stared into her tea.  "I have to go back," she finally said.

"What?"

"I have business that I ran off without attending to.  I have to go back to New York."

"Well Jo I should hope that you're not going to let him run you out of the city."

"That's not what I meant," Joey snapped, a hand over her eyes.

"Sorry."

Joey sighed.  "No, I'm sorry.  I just, I don't want to run into him."

Bessie rose an eyebrow.  "Why not?"

"Because I cannot stand to see the look of inscrutable hurt that I have permanently placed in his eyes."  Joey's eyes filled with tears and she looked away.

"I haven't seen you like this in a while," Bessie commented, a little worried.  Thank god she hasn't locked herself in her room.

Joey must have read her mind because she snorted.  "Don't worry Bessie.  I'm not gonna go shut myself in my room again.  I've been down that road already and look where it lead me."

"Where is that?"

"Right back where I started."

That night Joey sat in her old room, remembering the time when she had almost given up on life, desperately trying to regain her composure and her sanity.  Reaching over to her bag, Joey pulled out her journal and opened it up.
 

May 18, 2011

I have no idea how to say this except to come right out and say it.  Pacey is alive.  The man that I wrote of, Pace Morgan, IS Pacey!  I realize that it sounds absolutely absurd but it's true.  I can feel it in the depths of my soul.  I have to admit that I had wanted him to be Pacey and had even entertained the notion on a few occasions that he might actually be Pacey.  But something happened that has proved, to me, that he really is Pacey.  He kissed me.

I know, that sounds crazy as well.  But it's true.  No one has ever kissed me with as much passion or as much feeling as Pacey Witter.  When Pace kissed me everything came back and I knew that he was Pacey.  No one else could ever kiss me like that…except Pacey.

I tried to tell him.  I really did.  He was hurt, confused and scared.  But he didn't believe me.  He has thrown me out of his life forever.  I feel so numb and lost.  I've lost Pacey for a second time and I can't help but feel as if it's not, in some strange way, my fault.

I wish that I could take the last eleven years back and go back to the time when I could have prevented all of this from happening.  I could have told Dawson that I loved Pacey and that I wanted to be with him.  Then no one would have died, lived the past eleven years in agony and grief or have had to find out that the person they thought was dead was really alive and well.

But I can't.  And I think that is what hurts the most.  I can't go back and change things.  No one has invented a time machine to take me back.  I'm stuck in the dire present that I, myself, have created.  I lost Pacey the first time by refusing to admit my feelings when I had the chance.  No amount of soul searching can help me this time.  I've lost him for the second time by not being able to make him realize who he was and that I love him.

I pray that he'll decide to at least give it a chance, for his own sake.  But I know that I have hurt him…again.  And that, more than anything else, is absolutely killing me.
 

Joey closed the journal and buried her face in her pillows, her anguish filled sobs echoing around the room.

Pace stared out his window, lost in his own world of thoughts, unwilling to tear himself away from his misery.  He had awakened this morning with a strange sensation that someone was next to him.  When he had reached over…there had been nothing but space.  It had scared him and now there was no way he was going to go back to bed.  Instead, he decided to stand in front of his window and let his mind drive him crazy.

"When did you decide that art was what you wanted to do with your life?"

"I guess it took my family, friends and-it finally dawned on me."

Had Joey meant that Pacey, the man he was supposed to be, was the one that had really encouraged her to follow her love for art?

"We're not dating!"

"I didn't say that."

"Then what did you say?"

"What I've been trying to say is that I see potential."

Pace sighed and turned away from the window.  The last thing he wanted to think about was the "potential" that seemed so evident to everyone but him.

"What made you remember me?"

"Well, other than the fact that we collided, I would have to say it was your voice."

"My voice?"

"Yeah.  Even before I looked up I knew that you'd be attractive."

"Really?"

"Yeah.  And-and you have very nice hands.  They were strong, but gentle, when you reached out and kept me from falling.  This jolt shot through me and, to be honest, it's been a long time since any man has been able to do that."

Pace sank to the leather couch, cradling his head in his hands, trying to make his head stop pounding.  Joey had been gone for a week and no matter how much he thought back on all that had happened, it would never bring her back.  And he was not even sure that he wanted to bring her back.

Joey shut the cab door and pulled the strap to her satchel firmly onto her shoulder.  Taking a deep breath she walked into the church.  It was busy as usual but she saw no signs of him.

"JOEY!"

Joey turned around to see Kayla come bounding up to her.  "Hey sweetie," she said, putting on a warm smile for the little girl.

"Hello Joey," Hilda said, smiling.  "How are you?"

"I've been better," Joey said honestly.  But that's not why I'm here."

"Oh?"

"Yeah."  Joey reached into her bag and pulled out an envelope.  "This is for Kayla and you," she said, handing over the envelope to the elderly woman.

"What is it," Hida asked, looking at Joey curiously.

"Open it and see."

Hilda looked at her for a moment then opened the envelope.  She read the little note and stared at the money that remained inside the envelope.  Her hands shook as she looked back up at Joey.  "What is this?"

Joey smiled.  "You remember the sketch I drew of Kayla and you that day?"

Hilda nodded.

"Well, I put them in my opening and they sold.  That money was my cut and I want to give it to you.  It's the least I can do.  Maybe this can help you find a place to stay and buy some food until you can get back on your feet."

Hilda looked down at Kayla who was staring at the envelope in her grandmother's hands.  "Joey, I can't accept this."

"Oh yes you can!  I would not feel right keeping the money.  And I want to help you."

Hilda shook her head, bewildered.  "I can't believe this," she whispered.  "No one has ever done something like this for us before."

Joey smiled.  "Well, get used to it, because I'm working on something else as we speak."

Hilda stared at her.  "What is it?"

Joey bit her lip.  "Actually, Pace and I were talking about opening up a center/shelter for homeless people in the city."

"That's wonderful Joey."

"Yeah."  Joey looked down at her shoes.

"But something tells me that there is more to this story."

Joey nodded.  "Yeah."

"He'll come around," Hilda said, a knowing smile on her face.

Joey looked at her, confused.  "Who?"

"Mr. Morgan."

Joey shook her head.  "I don't-I don't think so Hilda.  But I hope so.  Does that make sense?"

Hilda nodded.  "Yes, it does."  She saw Ben coming out of the kitchen.  "You better get out of here before Ben starts pestering you with questions about your relationship with Pace.  He likes to think that he can help everyone when sometimes a person needs to go their own way."

Joey stared at the elderly woman for a moment before nodding.  "Yeah."  She reached down and gave Kayla a hug.  "I have to go.  It was great seeing you.  Take care of your grandmother."

Kayla hugged Joey back.  "I will."

Hilda took Joey's hand and squeezed it.  "Thank you, Joey.  You have no idea how much this means to us."

Joey smiled.  "You know, I think I just might."

Nothing seemed to matter anymore.  The world was in black and white and everything moved in slow motion.  The walls around him, unsteady but still upright, closed in.  All he wanted to do was sit here and be miserable.  And think about her.

Pace was no dummy.  He knew that he had blown his chance.  But he still couldn't stop the hurt.  Hurt that he had tried so hard to stave off.  Hurt that he didn't want to feel but was tearing him apart none the less.  Joey had opened up a very old wound and there was no hope of closing it again.  And the thing was that Pace hadn't even known that there had been a wound there to open.  Consciously anyway.

Then again, it didn't really change anything.  His memories were still lost to him.  He still could not remember anything about what she had told him.  He still didn't know if the person she claimed he was really was him.  All Pace knew was that he wanted to be him.  The look on Joey's face after he had kissed her…before that night, he would have given anything to have a woman look at him like that.

Pace had spent the last two weeks staring out his window, going to the studio to help Dan out every once in a while and puttering around on the piano, writing out music to the song that he had finally finished.  Skip had called a few times but Pace didn't want to see anyone that he didn't have to.  He wasn't drinking though.  He just sat.  And thought.

It was like his mind was a VCR and he kept hitting the rewind button so that he could go back in time and reach Joey before she left.  No, maybe he should go further back.  Rewind the hands of time all the way back to that day in early December when he had met Joey.  He would take a different street altogether.  But would it have made a difference?

You still would have met her at the exhibit because Skip still would have given you a ticket.

Pace sighed and ran a hand through his disheveled hair.  Why couldn't he stop thinking about this?  Joey was gone.  When she came back it was only natural that she avoid him.  He'd thrown her out of his apartment.  He'd thrown her out of his life….

Pace had spent years being bitter over not knowing his past.  He had shut out all hope of ever finding out who he had been or where he had come from.  He'd resigned himself to the fact, or so he thought, that he would never have the answers that he wanted.  Pace had given up.

"You can't just give up man.  Love is not something that comes along every day.  And neither is happiness."

Pace sighed.  That was exactly what he had done.

"Yeah.  It hit me pretty hard.  I almost gave up on life entirely.  But, he made me see that there were things in life worth living for and, with the help of my friends and family, I pulled through.  We all did.  But there is not a single day that goes by when I don't think about him or wish that I had done things differently and that he was here on earth with me.  And, sometimes, the smallest thing; a word, an expression or an action will make me think of him."

Pace closed his eyes, wondering if she had really felt so strongly about the man that she claimed he was.  She had and he had realized it that night.  Pace had wanted to take all of her pain away but in the end, she had been the one to comfort him.

"It's okay.  I'm afraid too.  But I have no intentions of hurting you.  I promise."

Pace felt a lone tear escape from the corner of his eye and slide down his cheek.  He had shown Joey a side of him that he had never shown anyone before.  He'd let his vulnerability shine through.  He'd placed his head on her lap and she had spent the entire night holding him.  That had to prove that she cared about him regardless of who he was or was not, right?

"How many times do I have to tell you that I am not in love with Joey Potter?"

"You could tell me till you were blue in the face and I still wouldn't believe you."

Pace shook his head sadly.  Why did Skip always have to be right?  Maybe he was in love with Joey.

"Joey and I are just friends."

"And pigs fly Daniel."

Even his own mother had seen that there was something special about Joey and the relationship that they had forged.  He had felt it but had refused to admit what it might have been.

"Oh my god…Pacey?"

"What?"

"Pacey."

"My name is 'Pace' Joey.  Not 'Pacey'.  'Pace.'"

"No, your name is Pacey."

"Pacey is dead Joey.  He died almost eleven years ago remember?  You told me so!"

"I was wrong!"

"You've gone insane!  I finally get the nerve to kiss you and you go insane on me!"

Pace covered his ears with his hands.  "Shut up!"  He didn't want to think about that night…the night that he had lost his only chance.

"You were the first man in over ten years to make me feel alive Pace.  Then I knew that there would be no staying away from you…no matter how much I might want to."

"It's not me Jo.  This guy, Pacey, he's not me."

"I know that.  He was you."

"How did you know?  Tell me!  How did you know?"

"Because I know you!  I knew you when we were kids until you were seventeen years old.  I met you again ten years later and I got to know you all over again.  And, deep down, you're still the same Pacey Witter that I fell in love with the first time around.  You're just a lot more scared than you used to be."

"God damn you Pace Morgan!  Why won't you let yourself have a chance to remember?  Why can't you realize that I'm telling the truth?  Why won't you believe me when I tell you that I love you?"

"JOEY!  JOEY!  WAIT!"

Pace slid off the couch and landed in a heap on the floor, his hands over his ears, his heart pounding and his mind on overload.  For the third time in two weeks he felt the tears flowing down his cheeks and he let them come, allowing the anguish he was feeling to overtake him.

Joey was walking down the street when someone called her name.  "JOEY!"

Joey turned around and managed a weak smile as Skip bounded up to her and enveloped her in a warm hug.

"Hey there.  How's my favorite artist," he asked cheerfully.

"A little depressed," she said honestly, hugging him back.

Skip pulled away and gazed at her.  "Jo…what's wrong?"

Joey shook her head.  "Nothing I want to talk about."

Skip's eyes narrowed.  "It's Pace isn't it?"

The look on Joey's face was all the answer he needed.

"What happened?  He won't see me.  I've tried talking to him but he just brushes me off."

Joey felt tears sting her eyes.  "I can't talk about it Skip."

"Why not?"  Skip studied Joey's face closely.  "Oh my god Joey.  What the hell happened between the two of you?"

Joey shook her head.  "Please Skip.  Just let it go."

Skip frowned.  "Why?  Why are two of my good friends so damn upset?  What in the world could have happened in two weeks?"

"More than you could imagine," Joey said softly.

Skip placed a hand on Joey's shoulder.  "Joey, please tell me what's going on.  Let me help."

Joey shook her head sadly.  "I can't Skip.  And you can't help us either."

"Well let me try," Skip protested, wanting nothing but to make his friends feel better.

"You can't Skip.  Don't you get it?  No one can help us.  It's too late."

"Joey, why won't you tell me what's going on?"

"Because I just can't.  It's not my place to tell you.  Hell, I'm not even sure what the hell is going on!  All I know is that the man I thought I would never see again is someone that I've been seeing for the past six months!"

Skip was beyond confused.  "Joey, what the hell are you talking about?"

Joey pulled away.  "I have to go."

"Go?  Go where?"

"Home."

"Let me walk with you."

"No Skip.  I'm going back home."  Joey turned away and strode down the sidewalk, leaving a stunned and perplexed Skip staring after her.

BAM!  BAM!  BAM!

Pace slowly got to his feet and went over to the door.  Without bothering to ask who it was he opened the door and was immediately hoisted by his best friend back inside the room until he fell onto the couch.  Pace stared up at Skip with wide eyes.  "Skip!  What the hell-"

"Shut up Morgan," Skip interrupted, closing the door to the apartment.  "I have only one question for you and you had better give me an answer."

Pace stared at Skip.  He'd never seen him like this before.

"What the hell did you do to Joey?"

"Huh?"

"You heard me Pace.  What did you do to her?"

"I don't understand what-"

"I want to know why I saw her on the street today and she refused to answer my questions or tell me anything and absolutely refuses to talk about you or tell me why you're so upset and has gone back home to Massachusetts!"

Pace's eyes widened.  "Joey's here?"

"She was about thirty minutes ago but she's probably gone by now.  Answer my question dammit."

"Skip, something happened."

"That much is already clear," Skip retorted.

"Skip, can it."

"Tell me what I want to know!  Tell me why two of my closest friends, who were happy a few weeks ago, now both act and look like they're about to die!"

"Joey thinks I'm Pacey," Pace blurted, unable to keep it to himself any longer.

Skip's mouth dropped open.  "What?"

"Joey, I finally kissed her, and now she thinks I'm the guy she supposedly loved almost eleven years ago that died!"

The color drained from Skip's face and he moved over to the armchair and sank down onto it.  "Whoa."

"Exactly what I thought.  Just add a few explicatives and a few really harsh words of denial and anger and you have it in a nutshell."

Skip looked at his friend, no longer angry, shocked.  "What did you say to her?"

"I told her that she was crazy!  I told her that she didn't love me and that I was not a dead man!  I told her to leave!"

"Pace you didn't."

"I did.  I really did.  I kicked her out of my house.  I acted like a complete prick!  I went after her but I was too late.  She had already gone."  Pace looked at his best friend with a pained expression on his face.  "You saw her.  How did she look?"

"Like her whole world had fallen down around her," Skip said honestly.

Pace sighed and ran a hand through his hair.  "I've really fucked up this time."

Skip was silent.

"Skip, do you think I should believe her," Pace asked quietly.

Skip shrugged.  "Man, all I can tell you is that Joey is not one prone to flights of fantasy.  I don't believe that she would ever say something unless she thought it was true."

Pace absorbed Skip's words in silent contemplation, unsure of what he should do.  "What do you think I should do?"

Skip got up and went over to his friend and put a hand on his shoulder.  "Pace, I can't tell you what to do."

"I'm asking your opinion.  There's a difference."

Skip sighed.  "Then I think you should give it a chance.  Joey is the only woman that seems to make you happy…and you're the only man that I've ever seen make her happy.  That, to me, is enough reason to try and find out if what she says is true.  Who knows…it really might be."

Pace nodded.  "Thanks man."

"Yeah.  Sorry for barging in."

"Understandable.  But, do you mind leaving me alone?"

"No problem," Skip said.  Without another word he left the apartment, leaving Pace sitting on the couch in contemplative silence.

Chocolate Chip, who had surprisingly stayed out of site during the entire exchange, padded out of the bedroom and went over to the couch.  He placed his paw on Pace's knee and gazed at him with warm brown eyes.  Joey has puppy dog eyes Pace thought before he could stop himself.

"What the hell is wrong with me," he asked the dog, giving him a hopeful look.

C.C. wagged his tail once and licked Pace's hand.

"You think I should go after her don't you?"

C.C. barked once, sticking his tongue out of his mouth.

Pace couldn't help but chuckle.  "Thanks pal."

C.C. just gazed at him for a moment then lay down at Pace's feet.

Pace really wanted someone to talk to but he didn't know who he could talk to about this.  Skip had already given Pace a piece of his mind on the subject.  His parents…he couldn't tell his parents about this.  Kristina.  She'd always been there for him when he needed someone to talk to and she always gave good advice.  Pace plucked the phone off the table and punched in a number.

"I need a number for a rental car company."

It was after midnight.  She had gotten back to Capeside that evening and had made a decision about something that she had been mulling over for the past few weeks.  Joey stood on the grass staring up at the wall in front of her.  She'd planned to reseal it while she was here for the reunion but now she couldn't bear to do anything with it.  The person that she'd painted this for was alive.  She knew he was.  But he'd still never see it because he didn't want to.  The thought made Joey's eyes tear up.  Walking up to the wall, she placed her hand on the depiction of Pacey's face.  "Why won't you give it a chance," she whispered.

Of course, no one answered her.

Joey ran her eyes up and down the wall, thinking back on when she had painted it and how much she had wanted Pacey to see it.  He was so close.  Joey felt the tears begin to fall and didn't try to stop them.  All of her hopes and dreams had been painted in with this wall.  Every bit of emotion she had was poured into it.  And to know that it could, but wouldn't, be seen by the person it was meant for the most was too much for Joey to handle.

"I almost died when you died Pacey," Joey choked out, sitting on the ground with her head against the wall.  "And by what can only be called a miracle you were brought back.  Somehow, you survived, and we met again.  We met again Pacey.  Years later, under different circumstances, and you don't even remember me!  For almost eleven years I have been grieving for you and you have been alive!  You've been far away, all alone, without an inkling as to where you came from, who you were or how many people cared about you."

Joey was silent as a few solitary joggers passed by on a late evening run.  Then she continued her soliloquy.  "I wish you would have come back Pacey.  I wish we had made absolutely sure that it was you that they found.  I wish that I had reached the docks on time that day.  I wish that I had done so many things.  But I can't change the past no matter how much I'd like to.  But I was hoping for the chance to rectify my wrongs."  Joey got to her feet and started unwrapping a tarp.  "But it looks like you don't want to forgive me.  You don't want to know what I wanted to tell you that day.  You'll never get the chance to remember your past because you've made yourself afraid of the truth.  And you're breaking my heart all over again."

Joey climbed the ladder to the top rung and spread the tarp out over the top of the wall and weighed it down with bricks.  Climbing back down she smoothed out the folds and placed bricks on the ends lying on the ground.

Joey stood back and gazed at the blue tarp that covered her heart.  "I guess we'll never know."

Kristina Morgan opened the door to her apartment and her eyes widened in surprise.  "Oh my god.  Pace!  What are you doing here?"  She dropped the sweatshirt in her hand and hugged her brother.  When he didn't return her hug, she pulled back and looked at him closely.  Dark circles were underneath his eyes and his skin was pale.  His hair was messy and his clothes were wrinkled.  "Jesus Pace!  What in the world happened to you?"

Pace smiled weakly.  "Can I come in?"

"Of course," Kristina said, holding open the door for him to pass through.  Closing it behind her, she picked her sweatshirt up off the floor and turned to her brother.  "What's going on Pace?"

Pace scratched his nose like he always did when he was upset or nervous and sighed.  "Kris, I really need your help."

Kristina sat down in the armchair across from the couch.  "I'm listening."

Pace plopped onto a couch cushion.  "I kissed Joey."

Kristina looked at him.  "Okay.  That's great.  But I'm sensing that there's more to this story."

Pace nodded.  "There is."

"Go on."

"I kissed her and now she says that I'm someone else."

Kristina's eyes widened.  "Who does she think you are?"

"A guy named Pacey that she knew most of her life that died almost eleven years ago."

Kristina stared at him.  "What?"

"That's what I said at first.  But, Kris, she knew things about me that hardly anyone knows."

"Like what?"

"She knew what my true hair color is."

Kristina rolled her eyes.  "God forbid someone know you have brown hair."

"Kris," Pace snapped.  "That's not funny."

"Sorry."

"She knew about the scar on my knee."

"The heart one?"

"Yeah."

Kristina chewed her gum thoughtfully.  "What did you say?"

"I asked her how the hell she could know those things about me because I had never told her."

"What did she say?"

"She said that she knew me.  She called me 'Pacey'."

Kristina was starting to get a funny feeling in the pit of her stomach.  "Wow."

"Yeah."

"So what happened?"

"We had this huge fight.  She tried to get me to believe her.  I mean, I've been having these voices in my head ever since I met her that would blurt out things seemingly out of nowhere.  But she told me what they had said without me having to say anything."

Kristina felt sick to her stomach.  Oh god.  "How did you react to this?"

"What do you think I did," Pace exclaimed.  "I freaked.  I absolutely lost it.  I went off on her and she tried to get me to go home with her to find out for myself but I wouldn’t."

"Why not," Kristina asked softly.

"Because I was afraid Kris!  Because I am afraid!  I'm so afraid of her!"

"Why?"

"Because she makes me feel."

Kristina was silent for a moment.  "So how did you end up at my door?"

"She told me-she told me that she loved me Kris.  I couldn’t deal with that.  I mean, how was I to know if she meant him or me!  She tried to tell me but I wouldn't listen to her.  I yelled at her and demanded that she leave.  She did."

Kristina felt her stomach drop to her toes.  "Oh Pace."

"I stayed at my apartment for a while but I couldn't just let her leave.  I went after her.  I ran all the way to her building.  She was outside, getting into a cab, and I yelled at her to stop but I was too far away.  She didn't hear me and by the time I got there she was gone."

Kristina rose to her feet and walked over to the window slowly.  This can't be her mind was telling her.  It's not possible.  This has absolutely nothing to do with what Pace is talking about.

Pace raised his head and noticed Kristina standing by the window.  "Kris, what is it?"

Kristina felt tears prick her eyes.  "Pace, there's something I have to tell you."

Pace had an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach.  "What is it?"

Kristina grabbed her ponytail and began twisting it around her head nervously.  "I never thought that this would matter.  I had honestly forgotten about it.  I didn't think that it meant anything."

Pace got up off the couch and took a step towards her.

"Pace, you might not want to be too close to me when you hear what I have to say."

"What," Pace asked, astonished.  "Kris, I'd never hurt you."

"Pace, this is really big.  I should have said something that very day."

Now Pace was nervous and a little bit scared.  "Kris, what the hell are you not telling me?"

Kristina was crying now.  "Pace I'm so sorry.  I never meant to keep this from you or hurt you."

Pace was standing next to her and placed his hands on her shoulders.  "Kris, geez, tell me what's wrong."

Kristina nodded and brushed a tear off her cheek.  "That morning was so sunny and bright and I couldn't wait to be outside."  She paused for a moment and saw that he was listening.  "I ran down to the beach and I saw you lying on the sand.  I was scared and I started to run for help but-"

Pace was staring at her with clouded eyes.  "What happened Kris?"

Kris looked at him with wide eyes.  "You said a name."

Pace's hands tightened on her shoulders as he stared at her with an unreadable expression.  "What?"

Tears streamed down Kristina's face.  "You said her name Pace.  You said 'Joey.'"

Song List

As promised, here are the songs from "Divided".  The only one that I lay claim to is the untitled song written by myself via Pace Morgan.
 
 

"Ghost"-The Indigo Girls
 
 

Decision: The Prologue

"Deep Inside of You"-Third Eye Blind
 
 

Part One: Encounters

"Every You Every Me"-Placebo

"The Background"-Third Eye Blind

"Funny How Time Slips Away"-Diana Ross & The Supremes

"A More Perfect World"-Mary Beth Maziarz

"Life in Mono"-Mono

"Fate"-Four Star Mary

"Beautiful"-The Smashing Pumpkins

"Hold On"-Mary Beth Maziarz

"Chances Are"-Bob Seger featuring Martina McBride

Excerpts from Pace Morgan's song
 
 

Part Two: Contemplation

"Erotica"-Madonna

"Do What You Have to Do"-Sarah McLachlan

"Before You"-Chantal Kreviazuk

"Waiting for a Sign"-Mary Beth Maziarz

"Two Beds and a Coffee Machine"-Savage Garden

"Waterfall"-The Din Pedals

Excerpt from Pace Morgan's song
 
 

Part Three: Closer

"Don't Feel Like Cryin'"-Abra Moore

"God Made Me"-Chantal Kreviazuk

"Please Forgive Me"-David Gray

"Baby Did a Bad Bad Thing"-Chris Isaak

"My Invitation"-Sarah Slean

"Walk This Earth Alone"-Lauren Christy

"Pain"-Four Star Mary

"Get Here Tonight"-Mary Beth Maziarz

"Falling Into You"-Mary Beth Maziarz
 
 

Part Four: Confrontations

"Mudshovel"-Staind

"On My Own"-Peach Union

"Where You Are"-Jessica Simpson featuring Nick Lachey

"Outside"-Staind featuring Fred Durst of Limp Bizkit

"The Unforgiven II"-Metallica

"Iris"-Goo Goo Dolls

"Until It Sleeps"-Metallica

"In Your Keeping"-Jann Arden

Excerpt from Pace Morgan's song
 
 

Part Five: Recognition

"Nothing Else Matters"-Metallica

"Lucky"-Bif Naked

"What Would Happen"-Meredith Brooks

"Uninvited"-Alanis Morissette

"One Turn Deserves Another"-Susan Aglukark

"Dreams"-The Cranberries

"Tonight, Tonight"-The Smashing Pumpkins

"The Everlasting Gaze"-The Smashing Pumpkins

"Eve"-Chantal Kreviazuk

"Deep Inside of You"-Third Eye Blind

"As I'm Leaving"-David Gray
 
 

Bombshell: The Epilogue

"Let the Truth Sting"-David Gray

"Ghost of You and Me"-BBMak

"Honestly Ok"-Dido