Skip could tell right away that Pace was not in a good mood.  It had been a week since the last time they had spoken and Skip was worried about his friend.  As soon as Pace opened the door, Skip realized that all his fears were justified.  Pace was wearing a pair of flannel pajama bottoms, a white T-shirt and bags the size of golf balls under his eyes.  His hair looked like he had dug his fists into it and yanked because it stood up in corkscrews on his head.  Either that or Joey had done it…but considering the fact that he was alone and Joey was not the type to sleep with a man after the first date Skip opted for the first choice.

"Hey man," he said, trying to sound cheerful.

Pace stared at him.  "Skip."

"Can I come in?"

Pace shrugged and moved away from the door.

Skip stepped inside the apartment and his nose crinkled.  The stench of booze was overwhelming.  He hastily shut the door and walked over to the vacant armchair, sitting down on the edge of the seat.

Pace collapsed onto the sofa, flinging an arm over his eyes.  "So Skip, what brings you here," he asked in a thick voice.

"I was worried about you," Skip said honestly.  "I hadn't heard from you so-"

"So you just thought that you would come check on me," Pace interrupted, making a sarcastic noise.

"It seems I was right to worry," Skip responded, his eyes sweeping around the room as he took in the empty bottles that littered the apartment.  "What the hell is the matter with you?"

Pace glared at him.  "Just who the hell are you to judge?  You're not my brother."

"No, but I'm your friend Pace and the only time I've ever seen you like this was the night you gave up hope on finding your real family."

Pace sat up, picked up on of the bottles off the floor and finished its contents.  "Aren't you perceptive?"

"Pace, what the hell happened to you," Skip asked, perplexed at the change in his friend.

Pace flapped his hand nonchalantly.  "What happens to all of us I suppose."

"What do you mean?"

"I fucked up yet again," he said, getting up and walking over to the fridge.  "Welcome to my life Skipper, 'Daniel Pace Morgan the Eternal Fuck Up.'"  He waved his arms around crazily.  "Well, let me tell you something my friend.  I've learned my lesson.  Never ever get your hopes up because they always get crushed in the end."

Skip's eyes widened with understanding.  "Joey."

Pace's head swiveled in Skip's direction and the look on his face said everything.

"Pace, what happened with Joey," he asked softly.

Pace sighed and went over to the window, staring out at the city.  "Nothing."

"Obviously it wasn't 'nothing' if you've been moping in your apartment for a week drinking yourself into obliviousness," Skip retorted, inspecting him closely.

"Numbness," Pace said softly, not turning around.

"Huh?"

"I'm drinking myself into numbness," he corrected.

Skip blinked.  "Well, then I can assure you that you'll die of alcohol poisoning first."

Pace scoffed.

"You've never been numb Pace.  Lord knows you've tried to cut yourself off from everything…but you'll never be able to do it man."

"I can sure as hell try," Pace muttered, striding over to the fridge and taking out a bottle of Jack Daniels.

Skip's eyebrows shot up and he went over to Pace, snatched the bottle out of his hands and poured its contents down the steel sink.

"Hey," Pace snapped.  "What the hell are you doing?"

"I'm showing you that I care," Skip responded, pushing past Pace as he continued to pick up bottles and carry them over to the garbage can.

Pace watched silently as Skip went through the entire apartment looking for hidden bottles until his entire stash was gone.

Skip threw away the last bottle and turned to look at Pace.  "I want to know what happened and I want to know right now," he said, folding his arms across his chest and looking pointedly at his friend.

Realizing that Skip was not going to leave him alone, Pace threw up his hands in defeat.  "Fine".  He walked back over to the couch and sat down.

Skip stood in front of him, waiting for an answer.

 "We, uh, went out that night and things were going really well."  He paused for a moment then continued.  "We were dancing and she suddenly pulled away from me and ran off.  I tried to find her but…" Pace trailed off.

Skip was confused.  "What could Joey have done to make you decide to drink yourself numb?"

Pace rubbed his temples. "Skip, you know that I made a pact with myself not to get close to many people, especially women, and you know why."

Skip nodded.  "Yeah."

"Well, I broke it."

Skip's eyes widened.  "You let Joey get to you, didn't you?"

Pace nodded.

Skip sat down in the recliner and stared at Pace.  "Did you two-"

"God no!  It wasn't like that at all!  What I meant was that I actually allowed myself to open up to her."

"You told her about your past," Skip asked, shocked.

"NO!  But, I told her things that I had never told anyone before."

Skip's eyes grew wide with understanding.  "Oh my god," he said softly.  "You're in love with her."

Pace's mouth fell open.  "No I'm not!"

Skip raised his hand.  "Pace, you've never been this upset about a woman before.  Never.  She's gotten under your skin whether you can admit it or not."

Pace groaned.  "Skip, I'm not in love with Joey."

"Bullshit," Skip exclaimed.

"Skip!"

"Pace, this is what you've wanted for as long as I've known you.  Even when you stopped talking about it.  I've seen the way you look whenever you see a couple on the street.  You try not to notice but you do."

"Skip, you have no idea what you're talking about," Pace protested.

"Like hell I don't!  Pace, come on, open your eyes.  You felt something the first time you met Joey, remember?"

Pace was silent.

"You can't just give up man," Skip continued.  "Love is not something that just comes along every day.  And neither is happiness."

Pace sighed.  "Okay, let's say, hypothetically, that this insane notion of yours was true.  Joey's the one that ran out!"

Skip nodded.  "I got that."

"So, whether I care or not, she's obviously not interested."

"I wouldn't say that," Skip said quietly, averting his eyes.

Pace slammed his fist on the coffee table.  "What the hell is it then?"

Skip sighed.  "Pace, I can't tell you that."

"Why not," Pace demanded.

"Because it's not my place and even I don't know the whole story."

"Tell me something, anything," Pace implored.

Skip nodded slowly.  "All right."  He paused.  "Joey's been burned before…really bad."

"I kinda figured that one out on my own Skip," Pace snapped.

Skip shot Pace a warning look.  "Only it wasn't the typical kind.  No guy cheated on her or used her.  It wasn't like that."

Now Pace was interested.  "Go on."

"Joey-well, she had her chance at love and happiness.  But, by the time she could admit it, it was too late."

Pace looked at Skip closely.  "Too late as in he moved on or in something else?"

Skip shook his head.  "I've already said more than I should have."

Pace let out a frustrated groan.  "You can't tell me something like that and not finish it!"

"Pace, if you really want to know, ask her."

"I've tried to get her to talk to me!"

"Pace, I can assure you that she cares.  Otherwise she would not have agreed to go out with you."

"Then why did she run away?"

"That's a question that only Joey can answer."

"But she won't tell me!"

"I think you're wrong."

"What makes you say that?"

"This time I think she'll tell you."

"Why?"

"Because I think you're ready to answer her questions too."

Pace stared at Skip, not sure of what to say.

Skip clapped his hands and whistled softly.

Chocolate Chip cautiously stuck his head out of the bedroom doorway.

 "C'mere C.C.," Skip said, patting his knee.

C.C. looked from one man to the other then slowly padded over to Skip who patted his head affectionately.

"Pace, you're even scaring your dog man.  This is not you."

Pace looked down and met C.C.'s warm brown eyes who whined softly.  "Sorry boy."

C.C. wagged his tail a couple of times then leaned over and licked Pace's hand.

Skip took the leash off its hook and snapped it onto the dog's collar.  "I'm taking him with me.  You need to sober up.  You're supposed to leave for that songwriter's camp next week.  Pull yourself together and we'll see you when you get back."

Pace was silent.

Skip shrugged and started towards the door, grabbing the bag of empty bottles on his way out.

"Hey Skip," Pace called as Skip was about to open the door.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks man."

Skip smiled.  "That's what friends are for Pace."

Pace stood where he was long after Skip had left, thinking about what he'd said.  His brain was fuzzy from all the alcohol and Pace realized that it would be better for him to think about everything when he wasn't intoxicated.  He stumbled to the bedroom and fell onto the bed.  Skip was right about one thing already: the drinking had not made him numb.  If anything, he only felt more.  Pace closed his eyes against a wave of pain and fell asleep.

The night was dark and once again he felt the gritty sand beneath his feet and heard the waves crashing to the shore.  She was there again, standing by the water, her back to him.   He stopped and stared at her, willing her to turn around and come to him.  But, this time, she didn't.  Instead, she spoke to him from where she was.

"You can't keep me out forever," she said, her whispery voice carried to him via the ocean breeze.

"Who are you," he asked.

"I've told you.  You know me and I know you.  But only you, yourself, can see me.  I can't show you who I am.  You have to find out on your own."

Pace awoke to find that he'd been asleep for almost thirty hours.  Man, I must have really needed sleep.  His head was aching and he went in search of some painkiller.  Once his hangover wore off, Pace got back up and began to clean the apartment rigorously.  There were a lot of things he needed to think about.  Maybe by the time he got back from his trip he would have some answers.

"JOEY!"

Joey waved and a huge smile spread across her face as her longtime friend, Andie McPhee motioned for her to come sit down.  They had not seen one another in almost a year but Boston was Joey's last stop before heading back to New York and she had called Andie as soon as she'd checked into her hotel.  They'd agreed to meet at a small deli close to the university for lunch and to catch up.

Andie got to her feet and gave Joey a big hug.  "Hey!  How are you?"

"Okay," Joey replied as they ordered their food.

"So, how's the art world," Andie asked excitedly.

"Hectic," Joey said, smiling wanly.  "How's the uni?"

Andie made a face.  "We're already almost at mid-term!  I'm so busy."

Joey laughed.  "I imagine.  But you love it."

Andie grinned.  "Yeah, I do."

"Still psyched about our little class reunion?"

"Definitely."

"Only you would be thrilled about such an obvious social nightmare," Joey muttered.

Andie faked a glare at her.

"And Dawson," Joey added.  "He wants to come back to show everyone that he did what they said he couldn't."

Andie laughed.  "How is Dawson?"

"The same optimistic, golden boy-excuse me-man we've always known," Joey answered, rolling her eyes in her trademark sarcastic way.

"I think you had it right the first time," Andie joked, taking a sip of her tea.

Joey laughed.  "Hey, I was trying to give our boy some credit!"

They both giggled.

Andie gazed at Joey intently.  "So, I heard you've had quite a soap opera life lately."

Joey groaned.  "Oh god.  Here we go."

"No no.  You know I'm not one to judge.  I'm just curious."

"Well, you're not the only one."

Andie took a bite of her sandwich, chewing thoughtfully.  "You know what I think," she finally said.

"No, but I'm sure you're about to tell me."

"I think you should talk to him."

Joey stared at Andie.  "Have you lost your mind?"

"Thankfully not this time," Andie quipped.

"Sorry," Joey said sheepishly, covering her eyes with her hand.

"It's okay.  Seriously though, Joey, I always wondered why you turned down Philip but now I think it was because something was telling you to wait."

"Yeah.  My heart tells me every day that I should wait for Pacey," Joey snapped.  'But he's not coming back."

Andie was not offended.  "Maybe this guy is your second chance Joey."

"I've already blown it Andie," Joey protested.

"How?"

"Duh.  I ran out on him!  That does not exactly rank high on a man's 'girlfriend-o-meter'!"

Andie rolled her eyes.  "Joey, come on.  How do you know he wasn't as scared as you were?"

Joey thought about what Pace had admitted that he didn't let a lot of people in.  Maybe Andie had a point.  "Even if that were true Andie, every time I think of getting close to someone else I see Pacey's face and I remember what could have been."

Andie smiled sympathetically.  "I understand that Joey.  But maybe Pace is the man to get you past all of your fears."

Joey sighed.  "I don't know Andie.  I've lived the last ten years of my life, mourning the loss of something I've yet to rediscover.  Maybe I was the problem with my relationship with Philip…and Pace…" Joey trailed off, a bemused expression on her face.

"At least with every guy's whose name begins with a P," Andie joked.

Joey glared at her.

"Joey, you can't blame yourself for everything that goes wrong in life.  Trust me, I know this."

Joey frowned.  "I know that."

"Do you?"

Joey squirmed in her seat.  "Well…."

Andie sighed.  "Joey, you're one of my best friends but I would never tell you this unless I thought it could help…."

Andie had Joey's attention.  "Tell me what?"

"Pacey once told me that he began to realize that I wasn't the one for him when I got sick that year and had realized it by the time we briefly got back together that one day after Rob's party-after I cheated on him."

"Andie," Joey said softly.  "You don't have to tell me this if it's too painful for you."

Andie shook her head.  "No.  It's okay.  Really.  I think this could help you."

"Okay.  As long as you're sure."

"Anyway, he said that when we were kissing that he felt like it was wrong."  Andie paused and looked directly at Joey.

"Did you ever feel like it was wrong when you were with Pace?"

"We never actually got 'together'," Joey hedged, avoiding the question.

"Joey," Andie said testily.

Joey sighed and looked down at the table.  "It felt so right it was scary," she admitted.

"Then I don't think it's too late to talk to him."

Joey felt tears sting her eyes.  "But, Andie, you don't understand.  I'm majorly fucked up!  Why would a man want a woman who still thinks about her dead love?"

Andie groaned in frustration.  "Because that's normal."

Joey glared at her.  "Yeah right."

"Plus there is nothing wrong with remembering lost loves."

"But obviously it's keeping me from finding someone else."

"Maybe not Joey," Andie said gravely.  "Maybe it gave you the opportunity that you now have."

Joey thought about this as a lone tear escaped from the corner of her eye.

Andie reached into her purse and pulled out a small packet of tissue.  "What have I always told you about having tissue," she joked, handing the packet to Joey.

"Yeah, yeah," Joey muttered, taking one out and wiping her eyes.  "Seriously, Andie, I think I'm royally fucked up."

Andie grinned at her.  "Joey, so is everyone else on this planet."

"Mr. Morgan, what do you think of this," Brian Anderson asked, holding up his notepad.

Pace walked over to the boy and read the lyrics.  "That's good Brian.  But how about trying to describe the emotions that you've named.  For instance, take passion.  What is passion?"

Brian stared at him for a moment.  "Desire."

Pace nodded.  "Yes.  But it's more than that."

"What do you think it is," the boy asked curiously.

Pace sighed.  "Passion is when you're on fire, you burn."

Brian's eyes were wide.  "Wow."

"Yeah."

"Sounds like you speak from experience."

Pace blinked.  "I guess I do."

Pace closed the door to his bungalow and leaned against it.  It had been an eventful day and he was beyond tired.  But, instead of hitting the sack, he took out his own lyric notebook and sat down to work on his song.  He read over what he had disjointedly written.

The darkness swirls around us and I can't see your face
I'm trying to figure out how the hell we got in this place
My mind screams out that I should recognize your embrace

Lost in this darkness that I can't escape
Your love surrounds me
I feel the walls closing around us
And I'm powerless to stop this wave of emotions

You and I, alone at last
We gaze at each other
Not wanting to think about the past
And I know that there will never be another
Because I love you like I have loved no other

Darkness surrounds me
Memories that I can't see
I'm desperately searching for the future
But only finding eternal torture

Pace chewed on the end of his pencil, thinking about how he could rearrange some lines, delete some words, and maybe add another stanza.  He'd been hiking with the kids today through the woods, pointing out inspirational objects when he'd remembered this song.  Something was pushing him to finish it.  Pace got an idea and began scratching out words and drawing lines to different verses.  He was going to finish this…soon.

Joey was slowly loosing her mind.  She would start her workshop in a few days and she was not in a very artistic state of mind.  Pace had not called nor had she seen him in a month!  She knew that he was away at the songwriter's camp now but why hadn't he even bothered to call before?

RING!

Joey jumped, startled.  She snatched up the phone.  "Hello."

"Hey Joey," a familiar voice said.

"Jack," Joey exclaimed, her mood brightening considerably.  "It's great to hear from you.  How are you?"

"Doing great.  How are you?"

Joey sighed, leaning against her pillows.  "Not so good."

On the other end of the line, Jack sat down on his couch.  "Tell me what's going on."

"Oh, just my typical 'can't get out from behind Pacey's shadow' complex."

"I see.  I take it we're talking about Daniel Morgan."

"How did you know?"

"Jen and Andie called me.

Joey groaned.  "Dammit!"

Jack chuckled.  "It's okay."

"No Jack!  It is no where near okay!  I'm a total headcase!"  Joey got up and began pacing around her bedroom in her oversize T-shirt.  "I mean, I finally met someone that really…lit my fire is as good a phrase as any, and I completely blew it!"

"Calm down Joey," Jack soothed.  It's not the end of the world."

"No, but it's the end of my 'almost' relationship-or whatever you want to call it."

"How do you know that?"

"Because I ran out on him," Joey exclaimed, plopping back down on the edge of her bed.

"Joey, usually that makes someone chase you or want you more."

"Not likely," Joey muttered.

"I wouldn't be so sure about that," Jack said.

"I would!  I mean, Jack, there is no way that he'll ever talk to me again."

"Maybe he's as scared to talk to you as you are to him," Jack commented.

"Nuh uh."

"Do you know that for sure, Jo?  Maybe something equally disastrous happened in his life.  Maybe that's why you feel connected to him."

Joey blinked.  "Who told you that?"

"Andie.  Besides, I can tell.  I know you."

Joey smirked.  "Yeah, yeah."

"Listen Jo.  I've gotta go.  But just think about what I said.  Promise?"

Joey sighed.  "Promise"

"Good.  Talk with you soon.  Love ya."

"Love you too Jack."

They hung up and Joey stared out into space, contemplating what Jack had said.

"Hey C.C.," Pace exclaimed as the dog ran up to him, barking excitedly.

"He missed you," Skip said as the two friends sat down at the kitchen table.

"Yeah.  I missed the rascal too," Pace agreed, patting Chocolate Chip's head affectionately.

Skip nodded, studying his friend.  He still had the dark circle under his eyes but the blackness was gone from his eyes and Skip saw no signs of the stranger that Pace had been about a month ago.  "You look better," he finally said.

Pace nodded.  "Yeah."

"So, how was camp?"

Pace smiled.  "It was awesome.  The kids were so excited.  Some of them are really talented."

"That's great Pace," Skip said.  "You needed a break."

"Yeah, I guess I did."

"You're going to make some kid a wonderful dad one day."

Pace stared at him.  "Skip, I don't think I'll ever be a dad."

Skip rolled his eyes.  "I think that you underestimate your own abilities."

Pace looked down at C.C. who stuck out his tongue and gazed up at his master.  "Maybe."

"Want a cup of coffee?"

"That would be great."

Skip got up, puttering around the kitchen.  "So-

"How's Bianca," Pace interrupted, knowing where Skip was going with the question and not wanting to talk about that subject at the moment.

Skip smirked.  "She's good.  And, uh, she finally cured me of my Nikki Taylor fantasies."  He wiggled his eyebrows and Pace laughed.  It was one of those nice, hearty laughs that Skip had not heard come from his friend in a long time.  "It's good to hear you laugh buddy," he said, bringing their cups back to the table.

"Yeah, well, it's good to do it."

"Have you heard from Joey?"

Pace sighed.  "I thought you'd picked up on my desire not to talk about her while ago."

"Sorry man.  The best friend's job is to make sure that their bud's happy."

"Well, I don't think that's ever going to happen."

"Pace, I wish you wouldn't be so pessimistic."

"I'm a realist Skip.  There's a difference."

Skip rolled his eyes.  "Whatever man."

Joey sat on her bed, staring at nothing, her mind miles away.  The final day of the young artist camp had come to an end and Joey was exhausted.  All she wanted to do was sit and think.

Finally, she got to her feet and walked over to her closet.  Opening the door, Joey sank to the floor and pulled a box out of the corner.  She lifted the flaps and pulled out a wooden object.  Her fingers caressed the boat plaque, running over the name "True Love", remembering the day that Pacey and she has skipped school to go pick it up.

"Well how 'bout like sticking out your thumb, huh?"

"Oh yeah? And what else? Maybe hike up my skirt, pout my lips, strike some sexy pose for some horndog trucker? Stick out your own thumb you sexist toad."

Joey smiled softly and placed the plaque aside.  Reaching back inside the box her fingers closed around something soft and she pulled out a brown, corduroy coat.  It had been one of the few items Pacey had left at home.  Doug had brought it by her house one afternoon, explaining that he'd been packing up Pacey's things and thought that Joey might like to have an item of his.   Joey brought the coat up to her nose, inhaling the very faint scent of Pacey that still lingered, remembering.
 
 

Joey opened the door.  "Doug!  What brings you by?"

"Hey Joey," Doug said, giving her a soft smile.

Joey noticed the box in his hands.  "What's in the box?"

"I-uh-I was clearing out Pacey's room and I thought I'd bring by some of his things and see if there was anything you wanted."

Joey nodded slowly.  "Okay.  Come in."

They sat down in the living room and Joey began rummaging through the box, smiling at various little items, frowning at others until her face suddenly registered a look that Doug could only decipher as total heartbreak.  She pulled out Pacey's brown coat and held it against her chest.  "I used to love this coat," she whispered, looking at Doug with teary eyes.

"Then take it," he replied.

Joey gave him a sad smile.  "Thank you."

"You're welcome Joey."

Joey rose to her feet, carrying the plaque and coat, and walked back to her bed.  She pulled her journal out of the top drawer of the nightstand and opened it.
 

March 5, 2011

I find myself thinking of Pacey more and more lately.  Maybe it's because that time is getting closer.  Maybe it's because of Pace…or maybe I'm just lonely.

It's been almost two months since the last time Pace and I spoke.  It seems as if I'm just not meant to find happiness.  Late at night, when I find myself sitting alone in my apartment, I wonder if maybe I'm keeping myself from finding someone to come home to.  Maybe I'm the one that is shutting that someone out.

I realize that this is a very scary thought but when I think about being hurt all over again it's just as scary.  I've been thinking that I should call Pace, at least to apologize, but I'm afraid.  Maybe he won't talk to me.  Maybe he never wants to see me again.

I have so many questions…and no answers.
 

Joey closed the journal, placing it back in the drawer, and flipped off the lamp.  Curling up with the plaque and Pacey's coat she closed her eyes and tried to sleep.

*******

Joey slowly opened her eyes to find herself standing on a deserted beach.  Emerald waves lapped against the shore and a gentle breeze blew her hair out behind her and pressed her dress against her body.  How the hell did I get here she thought.  Not that I don't like where "here" is…I just wish I knew who brought me here.

"I brought you here," a voice said as a pair of strong arms enveloped her from behind.

Joey sighed and leaned against him.  "Hey Witter."

"Hey Potter," Pacey said, kissing her neck softly.

Joey turned in his arms so that they were facing each other and buried her face in the crook of his shoulder.  "I miss you."

"I know.  I miss you too," he said softly, his nose in her hair.

"Where are we," she asked, not moving.

"A place we created," he answered, lifting her chin with his finger.

"Wow," Joey said, looking into his eyes.  "So, why are we here?"

Pacey grinned.  "Why Josephine Potter!  This is partly your dream too."

Joey smirked.  "Smartass."

"Thank you."

"So…can we do whatever we want to here?"

Pacey shrugged.  "Pretty much."

Joey stared at him for a moment.  "Why did you want me to come here?"

"As I told you the last time, you needed me and here I am," he said honestly.  "And, I need to tell you something."

Joey was a little surprised.  "Okay, shoot."

Pacey sighed.  "Joey, you're not keeping the promise you made to me."

"Which one," Joey asked.  Then it hit her.  "Oh…."

"Yeah.  Joey, you can't keep doing this to yourself."

"Doing what?  Missing you," Joey exclaimed, pulling away from him and stalking over to the edge of the water.

"No.  Joey, that's not what I meant and you know it," he said, running a hand through his hair.

Joey did not respond.

"Dammit Joey!  You can't spend the rest of your life alone!"

"And why not," she fumed, stamping her foot and swiveling around.  "Every time I think that I might have found someone to make me forget about you-they just-they disappoint me.  They do not compare."

Pacey gazed at her for a moment at a loss for words.

Joey let out an exasperated sigh and turned back towards the ocean.

Pacey scratched his nose as he always did when he was nervous or upset.  She still didn't understand.  "Joey," he began, slowly walking towards her.  "I miss you too and I wish that I were still there with you…but I'm not."

Joey felt a tear slide down her cheek but she didn't turn around.

The words were painful to Pacey as he slowly spit them out like shards of glass.  "You're not supposed to forget what me had Joey.  That's not-that's not what 'moving on' is about."

"Then what am I supposed to do when I look up at someone and all I can see is your face," she asked softly, not daring to turn around, sure that the dam would crumble and she'd be sobbing uncontrollably.

"Joey, you're supposed to keep those memories with you forever.  But you're not supposed to let them control your life or keep you from finding someone else."  He paused but got no response from her.  "There are so many things that I wish we could have done differently…so many things I wish that I could do for you…."  Pacey trailed off, finding it hard to contain his own tears.  Biting his lip, he continued.  "But I can't Joey," he said softly, reaching out and resting a hand on her shoulder.  "I'm not alive anymore," he choked out the words, turning her around gently.  "But you are Jo.  God, you have so much possibility in your life.  Please don't let it all go because of me."

Joey put her hand on his cheek.  "But I don't think I'll ever find someone that I could love more than you," she whispered, sniffling.

Pacey felt his heart tugging painfully.  "No, but maybe you've found someone that you could love as much…or at least half as much."

"No."

"I think you have Jo.  You cannot pass up that chance.  Not because of me.  You and I both have missed chances before and we know what could happen."  Pacey reached out and gently brushed a tear off her cheek.  "I'm begging you Jo.  Don't pass this one up."

Joey met his loving blue eyes and felt fresh tears spring to her eyes.  "Oh Pacey, I just-I still love you so much!"

Pacey pulled her against him, hugging her tightly, a tear of his own sliding silently down his cheek.    "God baby, I know that."

"But that's not the point, is it," she whispered against his shoulder, her tears soaking the material of his shirt.

"No.  It's not."

They were silent for a few moments, holding each other.  Finally Pacey spoke up.  "I just don't want you to go through the rest of your life not having someone to come home to or someone to hold you, raise kids with you, sit around all day just watching you paint; someone that deserves your love and devotion."  He cupped her face gently and gazed into her eyes, willing her to understand.

Joey met his eyes and nodded.  " I understand Pacey."

Pacey's eyes were swimming with emotion as he brought his mouth down over hers in a passionate kiss.

Joey sighed and melted into his arms, grateful for however they'd gotten here and the time they could spend together.

Joey opened her eyes, feeling the moisture on her cheeks, and smiled softly.    Did that really just happen or did I dream it all up?  Knowing she wouldn't get an answer, Joey got out of bed, placed the plaque and coat back in the box and shut her closet door.  Whether it was real or not, Pacey had spoken the truth.  She had to get her life in order and embrace someone new.  Her thoughts immediately turned to Pace Morgan.  Maybe he was who Pacey had been talking about.

Joey checked the clock and noticed that it was after four p.m.  The weather was stormy outside but she didn't care.  Joey made up her mind that she would go to Pace and tell him what he wanted to know and hope that he was still interested.

Pace sighed and leaned back against his pillows, taking advantage of the stormy weather to spend the day lounging in his pajamas.  He looked over at Chocolate Chip, who was stretched out on the floor and grinned.  "Some men we are boy."

C.C. bobbed his head.

Pace laughed.  Over the past few weeks he'd been over at SIRS helping Dan with some more tracks.  Now he was exhausted but found that sleep would not come.  Instead, he was lying in bed, listening to the rain.  What I really should do is call Joey he thought.  She has to back in town by now.  Her workshop should be over with by now too.

Pace sighed.  Should he really be the first to make a move?  Did he really want to make a move?  How would he ever know if she was really interested…or if Skip was right unless he talked to her?  Pace sat up.  He had to get some answers.  Jumping to his feet, he went over to his closet and yanked open the door, hunting for something to wear.  He would go see Joey…even if he ended up baring his soul.

BANG!   BANG!  BANG!

Skip lifted his head from Bianca's shoulder.  "What the hell?"

"Go see who it is," Bianca said, kissing him on the cheek.  "I'm not going anywhere."

Skip smiled.  "You'd better not."  He got up off the couch and pulled on his jeans.

BANG!  BANG!  BANG!

"I'm coming dammit," Skip yelled, walking over to the door and opening it.  He stared at the person in surprise.  "Joey?"

Joey strode inside the apartment and waited for Skip to shut the door.

"What's up," Skip asked, taking in her rain soaked appearance.

"I need to talk to Pace," she said matter-of-factly.

"Okay.  But don't you have his phone number?"

Joey shook her head.  "That's not what I meant.  I need to talk to him in person.  Can you give me his address?"

"Yeah.  I'll write it down for you."

"Thanks."

Bianca stuck her head up over the back of the couch.  "Hey Joey."

Joey blinked.  "Hey Bianca.  Oh God!  I’m sorry.  I didn't mean to interrupt."

"It's okay.  Whatever's going on is obviously important.  We have plenty of time to fool around."  Bianca winked at Joey.  "Right babe?"

Skip nodded.  "Yep."  He handed Joey a slip of paper.  "Here you go."

"Thank you," Joey said, putting the paper in her coat pocket and giving Skip a quick hug.

"You're welcome."  Skip rose an eyebrow.  "Want me to call you a cab?"

"No."

"Joey, it's storming outisde," Skip reasoned.

"So?"

"So I don't want you catching pneumonia."

"I'm a tough girl Skipper.  I can handle it."

Skip laughed.  "Yeah.  Just be careful."

"I will.  Sorry for interrupting."

"No problem.  Just don't come back tonight," Skip joked.

Joey rolled her eyes.  "Don’t worry, I won't."  She walked over to the door and let herself out.  "Bye."

Bianca looked at Skip who wore an amused expression on his face as he came back over to the couch.  "You think we should warn Pace?"

Skip shook his head.  "Nah.  Let her surprise him."

"Speaking of surprises…I have one for you," Bianca said playfully, leaning over and whispering something in his ear.

A huge grin spread across his face.  "I think I'm going to like that surprise," he said, reaching over and turning off the ringer to the phone before jumping on to the couch.

Pace shut the door to his apartment.  He'd gone over to Joey's place but she wasn't there.  He'd waited an hour before returning home in the rain.  Setting down his keys, Pace started towards the bathroom to get a towel when his doorbell rang.  Who would be coming by in this weather?  Pace walked over to the door and opened it.  The person on the other side surprised the hell out of him.  Joey Potter was standing in the hallway, dripping wet; chewing on her bottom lip in a way that was unbelievably arousing.  "Joey," he finally said.

Joey only nodded.

"You want to come in," he asked, gesturing behind him.

"Yeah."

Pace stepped aside as Joey walked in to the apartment.

Joey's eyes trailed over the room as Pace shut the door.  It was done in steel, wood, black and tan.  A small kitchen was to her left and on the other side were two doors that Joey assumed led to the bathroom and the bedroom.  The living room was the largest part of the house.  It had a black leather couch in front of a huge window and a matching recliner against one wall.  Sitting in the corner of the room was a baby grand piano.

"Wow," she said softly, impressed.  "Some place you've got here."

"Thanks," Pace said, looking at her closely.

Hearing a strange voice, Chocolate Chip came out of the bedroom and stopped next to the couch, gazing at Joey curiously.

Joey smiled.  "What a beautiful dog."

"Thank you.  That's Chocolate Chip but I call him 'C.C.'.  My sister gave him to me a few years ago.  He keeps me straight.  Isn't that right boy?"

C.C. barked one, wagging his tail.

Joey watched as the dog trotted over to her and sniffed her feet.  Then he sat down, wagging his tail.  Joey reached down and tentatively scratched behind one of his ears.  C.C. gave her a dopey grin.

"I'll be damn," Pace muttered.

"What is it?"

"C.C.'s usually shy around strangers."

"Maybe he likes me."

"Maybe he does."

Joey cleared her throat.  "Uh, listen, Pace.  We need to talk."

He nodded.  "Yeah, we do."  His eyes swept over her again and Joey felt her knees knocking together slightly.  "But if we don't get out of these wet clothes we'll both regret it."

Joey blinked.  "What?"

Stupid corndog.  "We're wet," he explained.  God, that's not much better.  "From the rain."

Joey nodded slowly.  "Okay…."

"So, if you like, I could lend you a shirt or something while I throw your clothes in the dryer."

"You do your own laundry?  Impressive."

"Yep."

Joey thought for a moment.  "All right."

"Follow me," Pace said, leading her to his bedroom.  Flipping on the light, he went to the closet and opened the door, gesturing towards the rack.  "Find something you like."

Joey smiled gratefully.  "Thanks."

"Sure."

Pace watched as Joey carefully rummaged through his closet.  Normally, he would be extremely irked if anyone went through his things but, for some reason, he didn't mind Joey doing it in the slightest.

Joey pulled out the dark blue shirt that he had worn the night of the gala.  "This okay?"

"It's fine."

"Now, I'm pretty sure that none of your pants will fit me so…."  Her eyes trailed over to Pace's huge bed.  It was iron-framed with a sapphire comforter and dark red sheets.  He obviously had taste but that much was obvious by his clothing.  God, it would be wonderful if he would just grab me and pull me over to that bed.  Joey mentally slapped herself.  Get a grip Joey.

Pace had followed her gaze and was seriously debating the same thing.  Don't even think about it Morgan his mind warned.

"I'll see how long this is," she said, waving the shirt. "Where's your bathroom?"

Pace pointed to the door next to the closet.

"Thanks.  I'll see you back in the living room," she said, going into the bathroom.

Pace shrugged and pulled his wet shirt over his head.

Joey found the towels and quickly opened the door to give him one.  Holy Kamole.  He was standing there, staring at her, with his wet jeans and a bare chest.  Hubba hubba hubba.

"Umm…" she stammered, holding out the towel.  "I thought you could use this."

Pace walked over to where she stood in the bathroom doorway and graciously took the towel.  "Thanks."

Joey gulped.  "Sure.  See you in a few minutes," she said hastily, retreating back in to the bathroom.

Pace stared at the closed door for a moment, perplexed.  Then he quickly finished undressing, pulled on a clean T-shirt and a pair of old jeans and went back to the living room to wait on Joey.

Joey emerged from the bathroom a few minutes later, clad only in his dark blue shirt that reached her knees and her underwear.  Dear lord help me he pleaded silently.  "Better?"

"Yeah," she said, blushing a little at her scantly clad ensemble.  "Here you go."  She held out her wet jeans and shirt.

Pace walked over to her, took the wet clothes and went to put them in the dryer.  Returning to the living room he found Joey standing in front of the window bathed in light, gazing out at the nightscape. He could literally see himself striding over to her, kissing her and ripping his shirt off her.  Pace mentally slapped himself.  Down boy.

Joey heard him come back and turned around.  "So?"

"So," he said, going over to the couch and sitting down.

"I came over because I wanted to explain why I ran that night."

Pace nodded.  "Believe it or not, I had gone over to your place tonight to try and talk to you."

Joey stared at him.  "Really?"

"Yeah."

Pace sighed.  "Joey, I'm not sure what to say or even where to begin."

"That makes two of us."

There was an awkward silence.

"Pace-"

"Joey-"

They broke off, looked at each other, and laughed.  This is not as bad as I thought it would be Pace thought.

"Who wants to go first," Joey joked.

Pace shook his head.  "How about we do this the way we normally get information out of one another?"

"You mean alternate questions?"

"Yeah."

"Are you going to answer them regardless of what they might be," Joey asked, looking at him closely.

Pace gulped.  "Yeah.  I am.  Are you?"

Joey nodded slowly.  "Yes."

Skip was right.  "Okay.  Pick a number between one and ten."

Joey stared at him, confused.  "Huh?"

"See who gets the first question," he explained.

"Oh.  Seven."

"Damn.  You go first."

Joey took a deep breath.  "Okay, why are you still alone?"

Man, she doesn't beat around the bush.  "Because I haven't opened myself up to anyone," he said honestly.

"Until now."

"Until now," he agreed.  "My turn.  Why did you run away?"

"Because I was afraid," Joey said softly.

Skip's right again, Pace thought.

"Why are you afraid of me," she asked.

Pace blinked, surprised.  I'm afraid of the way you make me feel.  I'm afraid of loosing myself to you.  I'm afraid to love anyone.  I'm afraid of you breaking down my carefully constructed wall his mind ranted.  She looked incredibly sexy in his shirt and tousled hair.  It would feel wonderful to walk over to her and just rest his forehead against hers, breathing her in.

Joey patiently waited for him to answer her question.

"Because I've never met anyone like you before," he told her.

Joey let his words sink in.  "Oh."

Pace got off the couch and went to the fridge.  "Want a soda?"

"Yeah."

Pace took out two and brought one over to her.  Their hands brushed and Pace looked down.

"Why do you do that," Joey asked curiously, little shivers of excitement shooting through her.

"It's my question," he said, not daring to look at her.

"Nuh-uh.  You asked me if I wanted a soda," she protested, grinning.

Pace did look up this time and chuckled.  "You miss nothing do you?"

"I suppose not.  You just asked me a question and didn’t answer mine.  Back up buddy."

Pace sighed.  "As I've said, no woman has ever been this close to me…and I don't mean physically.  Come to think of it, I've never let any woman wear my favorite shirt either."

Joey was surprised.  "This is your favorite shirt," she asked, picking up a shirttail.

Pace nodded.  "What made you choose it?"

Joey blushed slightly.  "I remember you wearing it that night at the gallery.  You-you looked so handsome in it."

"You look better in it," he said softly, his blue eyes burning into hers.

"Yeah right."

"You do.  Keep it."

Now it was Joey's turn to blink in surprise.  "Pace, I can't keep your shirt."

"Sure you can.  Like I said, it looks better on you."

Joey shrugged.  "Fine.  My turn.  I know you said that you don't let people in but…have you ever been in love?"

I think I might be falling in love right now.  Pace shook his head.  "No.  You?"

Joey nodded.  "Yeah."

Pace had a feeling that he was beginning to understand her sadness.

"Crazy question.  What's your favorite time of the year?"

"Summer.  You?"

"Winter.  As I mentioned, I have a fetish for roaring fires."

Pace coughed.  "Okay…."

Joey walked over to the couch and sat down, careful to keep the shirt over her thighs.  "So, when you do meet that person, do you want to have kids?"

"Odd question."

"I'm an odd girl.  Answer."

"I would love to have kids," he confided.  "I'm just not sure that I'd be such a great dad."

"Why?"

"That's two questions Potter."

Joey blinked.

"Why'd you do that?"

"'Potter' is a special nickname of mine," Joey said, averting her eyes.  "Now answer mine."

"Because I'm closed off.  You like that nickname?"

"Yeah."

"Who-"

"My question," Joey interrupted and Pace realized that he was going to have to open his soul to her before Joey would show him hers.  "Why me?"

"I get the impression that we have a lot in common."

Joey did not respond to this.

Pace could think of only one other major question to ask her.  It would lead to smaller ones but in order to ask them she would have to answer the big one first.  He could tell that she was still a little uncomfortable.  "Relax," he said softly.  "I don't bite.  Well…only in certain situations."

 Joey smiled and visibly loosened up.  "Are you gonna ask me another question?"

"I have many unanswered questions Joey."

"So do I."

"But, in order to find some of those answers, I have to ask you what I gather will be a rather difficult question."

Joey nodded.  "Ditto."

Pace studied her face, trying to decipher her emotions at that moment, but finding it impossible.  "Ready for the bonus round?"

Joey nodded.  "Yeah."  She gave him a lopsided grin.  "And you just forfeited your chance to go first."

Pace sighed.  "Go ahead."  He was not prepared for her question.

Joey looked directly in to his eyes.  "What are you hiding from me?"

Pace gaped at her.  God she was perceptive.  "Do you want the drama or the facts?"

Joey shrugged.  "Whatever you're comfortable with."

Pace got up and began pacing around the room.  "I've never told anyone this other than my family, Skip and the few other people that were on a need-to-know basis."

Joey nodded supportively.

Pace stopped pacing and stared out the window, his back to her.  "When I was seventeen I was found unconscious on a private beach in Florida."

Joey stared at him, not sure where this was going.  "Go on."

Pace took a deep breath.  "When I regained consciousness I didn't even know my own name."

Joey stared at him, shocked.  That was the last thing she had expected him to say.

"The people who found me are the people I call my mom and sister today.  Kristina saw me first and got Sharon, our mom, who told her to call 911.  They took me to the hospital where I was inspected, got some stitches in my head, which is what this scar is for."  Pace pointed to a place next to his hairline.  "I was allowed to go back home with them while the authorities tried to locate my family.  Nothing surfaced so I was officially adopted by the Morgans and have been a part of their family ever since.  My father, Thomas, and I tried to find my family for about two years.  Nothing was ever found…and eventually I gave up hope."  He slowly turned around and looked at Joey.  There was no disdain or mocking on her face.  Instead he saw shock and understanding…and something else that he couldn't quite put his finger on.

"Have you regained any of your memories," she asked softly.

Pace shook his head.  "I get these voices in my head sometimes…but I can't recognize them."  He went over to the piano and sat down on the bench.  "I'm not sure why I've been so closed off.  I think it's because I'm afraid to let people close to me.  I mean, maybe I'm not who they think I am."  He looked at Joey, willing her to understand.

Joey nodded.  "I can understand why that would frighten you.  Sometimes I feel like no one knows the real me either."

Pace lifted the lid over the keys.  "Yeah.  Anyway, after I gave up hope, I became really withdrawn.  Eventually I came out of it, threw myself into my music, worked hard to get where I am today, and tried not to think about what I couldn't remember and what I would never find."  He paused and let out a shaky breath.  "I try to be a good person but what if I'm just kidding myself?  I mean, I'm never gonna remember anything.  It's been too long.  So why-"

"Does it still hurt," Joey finished for him, a knowing look on her face.

"Yeah."

"Because no matter how hard you try not to let things bother you they do."

Pace watched her as Joey got up and walked over to him.  "You sound as if you speak from experience."

"That's because I do," she replied, sitting down next to him on the bench.  "You feel like no one can understand you, like you're all alone in the world and that you'll never find what you're searching for."

Pace nodded.  "Exactly."

Joey smiled.  "Thought so."

Pace felt his heartstrings tug tighter and tighter, his feelings for the woman in front of him growing by the second.  Looking down at the keys he began to play a song.

"That's an 'oldie'," Joey commented, recognizing the music.

"Yeah.  I listened to it for years before I learned how to play it.  Now I play it all the time.  It's my lifeline."

"Would you play it all the way through," she asked hesitantly.

Pace looked at her and nodded.  "Yeah.  You going to sing?"

"Maybe," she said, grinning.  "I once was first runner up in a beauty contest.  I think the clincher was where I sang "On My Own" from Les Miserables.  At the time I was singing it for Dawson…."

Pace laughed.  "Wow."

"Shut up."

Pace smiled and then turned his concentration to his music.  He played the opening bars and Joey felt chills race up her spine.  He was incredible.  Might as well reveal something of your own Joey she thought before opening her mouth and beginning to sing.

Pace looked up for a moment, impressed.  She was actually very good.  A part of him felt so content that it was almost painful.  Somehow, it seemed as if this was the way it was supposed to be.

Joey paused as an instrumental break began.  He had a natural gift for music.  Joey felt as if her entire being flowing with it.  Pace's fingers flew over the keys, his brow furrowed in concentration.  He looked adorable…and incredibly sexy.  Stop it Joey her mind warned.

Pace let the final notes of the song flow from his fingers as they echoed in the room.  Then he closed the lid and turned to look at Joey.  She was gazing at him with an unreadable expression on her face.  "It's my turn to ask you the bonus question," he said softly.

Joey nodded.  "I noticed."

Pace reached out and touched her cheek cautiously, gently.  "Your eyes always have this sadness.  Tell me, Joey Potter, what makes you so sad?"

Joey closed her eyes against the wave of tears that threatened to come.  "It's a long story."

"I've got all night."

Joey nodded.  "His name was Pacey.  About eleven years ago I fell in love with someone I never thought I would.  I mean, we absolutely loathed each other for years, but somehow, our feelings changed.  But, as usual, I managed to fuck it up."  Joey paused and got off the bench, going over to the window.  "He was everything that I had ever wanted and it took me too long to realize it.  It tore a hole in my life, in respect to my relationship with Dawson and a few other people and I felt so bad about it that I backed off.  That summer he was set to sail down to the Florida Keys for the summer.  He asked me to give him a reason to stay and I wanted to so badly…but I didn't.  I felt like I couldn't."

Pace watched her silently.  There was obviously a lot more to the story than what she had told him so far and he was determined to sit here for as long as it took.  "I'm listening."

"Something happened and I was finally able to be with him.  I ran to the docks to tell him but it was too late.  I did a lot of soul searching and came out determined to be waiting on him when he returned and prayed that he would forgive me for being such a bitch.  I did something really special for him and couldn't wait to show him.  His brother got back to down from a camp he'd been to and I ran over there to find out where I could find him.  He called while I was at his brother's and I convinced him to let me meet him in Savannah.  We drove down there to meet him, his brother, one of my best friends, Jen, and I, but we never met."  Joey paused as silent tears fell from her eyes.  "A uh-a storm struck and his boat was destroyed.  He-he died in the middle of the ocean thinking that I never cared about him."

Pace could see that her shoulders were shaking.  He hadn't expected this.  "Wow.  Joey, I'm so sorry."

"Yeah.  It hit me pretty hard.  I almost gave up on life entirely.  But, he made me see that there were things in life worth living for and, with the help of my friends and family, I pulled through.  We all did.  But, there is not a single day that goes by when I don't think about him or wish that I had done things differently and that he was here on earth with me.  And sometimes, the smallest thing, a word, an expression or an action, will make me think of him."

Pace got up off the couch and went over to her, putting an arm around her shoulders.  "Shh."

Joey turned around and buried her face in his chest, crying.

Pace's own pain bubbled to the surface and he had to fight to keep from sinking to the floor.  His arms tightened around her, trying to make her feel better.

Joey finally composed herself and looked up at him.  "Thank you."

"Yeah."

"So, you see, we're not that different."

"No, we're not."

Joey thought for a moment.  "Maybe it's not too late for you to find your family."

Pace shook his head.  "Joey…don't even go there."

"But Pace, you never know."

"Joey, please, just don't go there."

Joey sighed.  "Fine."

Pace went back over to the couch, sitting down heavily.

Joey gazed at him.  "Pace?"

Pace covered his face with his hands.  "Joey, there are some things in life that you can't change.  I can't change the fact that I have no memories of the fist seventeen years of my life.  I can't help the fact that I don't know where my real family is.  And-and I can't help the fact that I'm afraid."

"Afraid of what," Joey asked softly.

"I'm afraid of everything.  I’m afraid of finding the truth, I'm afraid of myself, I'm afraid of my emotions…I'm afraid of you."

Joey went over to the couch and sat down next to him.  Reaching over she touched his shoulder gently.  Pace looked up at her with tortured eyes then lay his head in her lap, one hand grasping her knee and the other over his eyes.  He wasn't crying physically but Joey could tell that there was a maelstrom going on inside of him.  She gently leaned down and kissed the top of his head.  "It's okay," she said softly.  "I'm afraid too.  But I have no intention of hurting you.  I promise."

Pace didn't respond.  He just gripped her knee tighter in a silent signal that he heard and understood her.

Joey sat there, running her fingers through his hair gently, one arm draped across him, offering silent comfort and staring out at the city beyond them.

The apartment was silent.  Joey looked down at Pace's sleeping form, smiling softly.  He actually looked peaceful when he slept.  Reaching out,, Joey gently traced Pace's jaw line with her index finger.  God, what a wonderful…beautiful man she thought, gazing at him in awe.  He's so much like how Pacey was…but so much more.

Joey sighed, knowing that she would not be getting any sleep tonight.  Pace's story had set off alarms buried deep inside her subconscious.  He was found in Florida, not far from where Pacey could have sailed, he resembled Pacey in many ways…so much that it was sometimes scary.  He made her feel things that only Pacey had made her feel and said things that only Pacey would say.  In fact, if Joey didn't know any better, she would swear that Pace Morgan was Pacey Witter.

That's impossible Joey her brain protested.  You know that Pacey is dead.  Doug saw his body.  You attended his funeral.  Joey ran a hand through her wet hair.  This was her second chance and she was not about to let it slip through her fingers.  Joey made her decision.  She knew that it wouldn't be easy but was determined to see it through.  Joey would find Pace's real family and give him a chance to regain his lost memories.