I can't do anything
I don't believe in anyone
I just feel sorry for myself all day long
L…O…S…E…R! What does that spell? loser! What am I? A loser!

Pacey Witter repeated the rhyme over and over in his head as he lay on the deck of his sailboat. It was actually pretty catchy. He sighed and looked up at the sky thoughtfully. It was a brilliant blue and there was not a cloud in sight. The sun was shining brightly in his eyes and even though he should have been inside at this time of day he was more than happy to lay there and turn himself into a human lobster. A little physical discomfort could not even begin to match the aching that was in his heart.

It had been a little over a month since he had sailed away from Capeside…away from Joey. He was making excellent time. Pacey could have sworn that he'd heard her yelling at him to come back as he had headed towards the ocean. But that had been a figment of his imagination. His mind was making him hear what he so desperately wanted to. So, Pacey had ignored the voice and kept his back facing the shore unable to look at the empty dock even once more.

Now Pacey sailed the open sea free to sleep as late as he could, eat whatever he wanted and think about Joey whenever he felt like it. The latter was pretty much a constant thing but at least he could cry without having to worry that anyone would see him. It was only the sea, God and the True Love to keep Pacey company while his thoughts occupied his time. They invaded his mind, whispering to him of damaged friendships and lost love. Pacey thought of how much everything had changed…how much he had changed.

Two hours later Pacey came to a marina. Time to dock he thought as he tied his boat up in the harbor of some small seaside town. He had to get off the boat for awhile. Pacey grabbed his jacket, made sure that he had his wallet in his back pocket and set off down the dock. He knew exactly where he wanted to go but had one stop to make first.

Pacey picked up the payphone and dialed the number.

"Doug…it's Pacey. I'm docked at a marina in a small town in North Carolina. I just wanted to let you know that I'm alright. I'll call the next time I dock." He hung up the phone and stared at it for a moment debating on whether or not he had the nerve to call her.

"Nope," he muttered, chickening out and leaving the booth.

Thank god for my fake I.D.

Pacey sat at a table in the corner of the seedy bar, drinking scotch. The place was dark and no one bothered him. That was just the way Pacey wanted it. He wanted to be alone with his thoughts…he wanted to get trashed and float away for awhile where the world could be the way that he wanted it to be. Shelly, his waitress, came back over to his table.

"Can I get you anything else doll," she asked leaning over the table.

Pacey smiled at her. It was the oldest trick in the book. He met her eyes and didn't look down at the cleavage that she had shoved under his nose. "Yeah…some more scotch please."

"You're drinking heavy tonight. What's on your mind?"

"Nothing you'd be interested in hearing."

Shelly looked at him. "Hon, the most stimulating conversation I have on a given day is with my sister where we discuss whether or not she's gonna give her husband a blow job that night." She looked at him pointedly. "I'm open to anything."

Pacey shook his head, her meaning understood. "Not right now."

Shelly smiled at him. "Well…if you change your mind let me know."

"Thank you," Pacey said sincerely as she refreshed his drink.

Shelly nodded and left him alone with his thoughts.

Pacey was succeeding in thoroughly trashing himself. The song that was blaring over the speakers suited his mood perfectly, there were no cops in this seedy of an establishment to bother him and he could sit here until two a.m. and brood while downing as much alcohol as he could possibly consume. It just didn't get better than this. Pacey's ears perked up as the tempo to the song picked up and he began laughing.

"Yep," Pacey muttered to himself as he took a long drink of his scotch. "Just how stupid can I be?" For the first time, he noticed that there was a man on stage singing along with the lyrics. Kareoke. That was perfect! He'd be sure to perform his own number before leaving the bar. Pacey could not tell how old the guy was but the way he was singing clearly said "I've been dumped…and now I'm drunk."

"At least I'm not the only one," Pacey observed lifting a hand to the guy on the stage as he began belting out another verse. As horrible as the guy sounded Pacey couldn't help but tap his foot along with the beat and deeply relate to the lyrics.

Pacey put his hands together and clapped as the guy continued screaming out the lyrics. Tomorrow, once he'd sobered up, he'd try and find this song. Pacey was positive that he had it in his CD collection. It should be his mantra. The guy on stage noticed Pacey clapping and shot him a grateful, yet dopey, grin and finished off the song.

"Yeah," Pacey agreed. "Except Joey and I won't even be friends anymore." But, before their little affair, Pacey had to admit that he had wanted Joey for as long as he could remember. Just having her for a little while had been wonderful even if it did make him ache to know that he would never have her again.

"Hey man. Mind if I join you?"

Pacey looked up to see the guy that had been up on stage moments before standing next to him. "Sure," he mumbled, gesturing at the vacant seat across from him.

The guy sat down, ordered another round from Shelly and stuck out his hand. "My name's Dave."

"Pacey," he said as they shook hands.

"That's an unusual name," Dave commented.

"Tell me about it."

"Where you from?"

"Massachusetts."

Dave raised his eyebrows. "What brings you to North Carolina?"

"Sailing down to the Keys for the summer."

"By yourself?"

"Yeah."

"Man," Dave said, taking a drink of his beer. "Who was she?"

Pacey looked up at him in surprise. "What?"

"Who was she? Obviously you're running away from something and usually when a guy runs it's because of a woman."

"Well, then why are you sitting in a seedy bar on a Saturday night Dave," Pacey countered.

Dave smiled. "I just found out that my wife's been having an affair."

"Whoa."

"Met in college, graduated and got married. Been married for almost ten years and now I'm yesterday's lay."

Pacey nodded sympathetically. "Bummer."

"Yeah. But at least I found out about it. And you know what the worst part of it is?"

"What?"

"She cheated on me with my best friend."

Pacey flinched.

Dave noticed. "Did the same thing happen to you? Your girlfriend maybe?"

Pacey shook his head. "It was never like that."

Dave leaned back in his chair. "Well, I've got all night. Why don't we share sob stories until they kick us out of here?"

Pacey contemplated this for a moment. "Why not? I don't have anything else to do."

"Great." Dave turned towards the bar. "Hey Shelly, another round."

Pacey opened his mouth to say something and suddenly the story came tumbling out. "Her name's Joey…."

An hour later Pacey finished his story. Dave stared at him for a moment and Pacey thought that he might have made an enemy. Then Dave smiled. "Man, sounds like a hottie."

Pacey laughed. "She is. I'm surprised you're not yelling at me for betraying my best friend."

Dave shook his head. "Why should I? It's obvious that you were in love and you didn't steal her away from her boyfriend. They were broken up. She kissed you back. That's got to tell you something."

"Yeah. It tells me that it was wishful thinking."

"Sometimes wishful is the best kind of thinking Pacey," Dave commented finishing off his tenth beer. "And right now I'm wishing that I won't have the hangover that I know I'm going to have when I wake up in the morning."

Pacey nodded. "You and me both buddy."

Dave laughed. "Your friend, Dawson, sounds like someone who really doesn't know what he wants anymore. You knew what you wanted and you went after it. He can't stay pissed at you about that."

Pacey shook his head sadly. "You don't know Dawson. He considers Joey his 'soul mate'."

Dave scoffed. "Yeah. I'm sure he does but if you ask me he only wants Joey when he's in danger of loosing her to someone else."

Pacey thought about this for a moment. "Maybe you're right."

"I am. Don't get me wrong, Dawson sounds like a great guy, but he needs to get his life in order and stop being selfish. He needs to…" Dave stopped, trying to get his tongue to wrap around the words that he wanted to say. "He needs to expand his horizon."

Pacey laughed. "Man, you're trashed."

"So are you," Dave shot back. "But seriously dude, this Joey chick, she sounds like a keeper and I wouldn't give up just because of Dawson. Eventually, he'll get over it. He has to or he'll loose his two best friends."

"But Dawson usually gets what he wants," Pacey interjected.

"Sounds like he already has," Dave said pointedly.

Pacey sat back in his chair, mulling this over.

"By leaving you're letting him win dude. That's not right. You seem like the noble type but sometimes you've got to fight for what you want. And that doesn't mean that you have to fight dirty. There are other ways to win Joey."

"But Joey's not some damn trophy," Pacey retorted, remembering her exact words to Dawson and he.

"Whoa man. Calm down," Dave said, holding up his hands. "I didn't mean to offend you. I'm not saying that she is. What I'm saying is that if Dawson wants to fight dirty, let him. Joey sounds like a smart woman, she'll choose the noblest one."

"But she already has chosen! And she chose Dawson! And he is noble!"

Dave leaned over the table and looked him straight in the eyes. "Bullshit."

Pacey gaped at him.

"I think you left too soon."

"But she chose Dawson, Dave, not me. I'm the one who ended up alone."

"You ran away before she could really make her choice."

"She told me that she couldn't give me a reason to stay," Pacey protested.

"Just because Joey said that she couldn't give you a reason to stay doesn't mean that she didn't want to."

Pacey stared at him.

"Sounds to me like the three of you were very close. Joey wants everyone to be friends, Dawson refuses to have it because his feelings are hurt and you think that it can never happen. I think you're wrong."

"How would you know?"

"Experience."

Pacey choked on his drink. "What?"

"When I was a senior in high school I fell in love with my best friends gal. We snuck around and eventually got caught. I fled from town feeling that I would never be able to patch up our differences…or ever have the girl I wanted."

"So what happened," Pacey asked, intrigued.

"He died in an accident at the plant where he worked about five years ago. When I came home for the funeral she was there." Dave's eyes shone with tears at the memory. "She still looked as beautiful as I remembered. I was married by that time and I love my wife…even if she doesn't love me anymore. Anyway, she told me that she had loved me. I asked her if she could ever forgive me or if he ever had and she told me that they both had a long time ago." Dave paused and motioned for Shelly to hand him another beer. "I never got to make things right with him. If I had only had the balls to stay and fight than maybe I wouldn't feel like such a bastard now that he's dead. And maybe I would be at home making love to the woman that I have always loved instead of sitting here getting trashed with you over my wife who obviously didn't love me enough."

Pacey let out his breath in a long sigh. "Man. I'm sorry."

Dave shook his head adamantly. "No Pacey. I didn't tell you so that you would feel sorry for me. I told you because I don't want to see someone else make the same mistakes that I did."

Pacey and Dave lapsed into a thoughtful silence.

"So why don't you go back now," Pacey finally asked.

Dave looked at him. "I don't know. I mean, I realize that my marriage is over. I guess I'm just afraid to go back to what I once knew. I'm afraid to hope that she hasn't found someone to marry or that maybe she's stopped loving me."

Pacey sighed. "What did you just tell me?"

"I know. I know. I'm just scared I guess." Dave paused. "And you do realize that I would never be telling you this if I weren't drunk off my ass, right?"

Pacey laughed. "Yeah. I realize that. Same right back at you." His eyes alighted on the stage. "It's almost time for them to kick us out. You wanna do a number before that happens?"

Dave grinned. "You got it."

"Great."

They got up and went to the stage. The opening chords to the song came on and they stared at each other. It was too ironic. "You know this one," Pacey asked.

"Are you kidding? It's like my motto."

Pacey positioned the microphone between them. "Let's do it."

The few patrons that were still in the bar looked up towards the stage as the two men belted out the lyrics to the song. They definitely would not get a tour gig with anyone. Dave put his arm around Pacey's shoulders as they tried to sing the chorus.

Pacey and Dave continued the song, reliving the memories inside their heads. Pacey was having a hard time standing up and he knew that he wouldn't be able to sort through what Dave had said until tomorrow…once his hangover had subsided. But all that mattered right now was that Pacey got to release some of his pain and belting out the lyrics to this song seemed like the perfect way to accomplish that.

Dave walked Pacey back to his boat.

"Wow," he said. "I'm impressed."

"Yeah. It took a lot of hard work."

Dave noticed the name of the boat. "Turn around Pacey. Turn around and go home."

"I can't," Pacey mumbled. "I just can't."

Dave sighed and stuck out his hand. "Well, I guess this is good-bye."

"Yeah," Pacey agreed, finally finding Dave's hand and shaking it. "It was interesting."

Dave laughed. "That it was Pacey. That it was."

Pacey started to untie the boat when Dave's voice stopped him.

"Hey Pacey."

"Yeah?" 

"Don't let me catch you drinking in my town again tomorrow night…because then I'll have to arrest you."

Pacey gaped at him. "Huh?" Realization hit him. "But-but you drank with me?"

Dave grinned. "Sweet tea Pacey. Sweet tea with a little soda water in it to make it bubbly."

Pacey smacked his head. "Holy shit."

Dave continued smiling at him. "Yeah."

"Why didn't you stop me," he asked, perplexed.

"Because, believe it or not, I was once a youth myself."

"You're good," Pacey said, chuckling and shaking his head in disbelief.

"That' s my job."

"But all that stuff that you said-" Pacey began.

"I meant every word Pacey. All of it really happened. It's just been a little longer than I said it had been."

"So why don't you go after her," Pacey asked him curiously, still trying to wrap his mind around the realization that he had spent the night getting trashed with an officer of the law.

"Well…I left out one part of the story. I did go back. It was just too late."

"I'm sorry man," Pacey said sympathetically.

"Me too Pacey. Me too." Dave looked him squarely in the face. "That's why I don't want the same thing to happen to you."

Pacey was silent for a moment. Dave turned and started walking up the dock.

"I'll think about it," Pacey yelled after him.

Dave turned around at the boathouse. "You do that Pacey. You do that."

Pacey watched him go and then untied his boat. He managed to get True Love back out on the open sea without wrecking it and sighed in relief. I guess Dave's revelation sobered me up a bit Pacey thought amused. He disappeared inside the boat and plopped on the bed, his head already spinning. Who would have believed that Dave was a cop? Pacey began laughing. He laughed until his stomach hurt. Maybe he had met what could be an older version of himself tonight. Pacey was too drunk to think about it too much. Instead he dragged the wastebasket over to the side of the bed and promptly passed out.

L…O…S…E…R! What does that spell? loser! What am I? A loser!

Pacey Witter opened his eyes and found the sun streaming into them. Pain roared in his head and he promptly shut them.

"Oh yeah. You are certainly a damn loser this morning Witter," he muttered, trying to get his head to stop pounding. "Good one Pacey." He reached over and found a bottle of water sitting next to the bed. Pacey forced himself to get up and hunt some aspirin. When he finally found some, Pacey popped two of them in his mouth and prayed for his head to stop aching.

Three torturous hours later his hangover finally subsided.

"Thank you god," he said softly, getting up off the bed, grabbing a bottle of soda and going above deck.

The temperature was hot even though the sky was overcast. Pacey lay down on the deck of his sailboat and gazed at the clouds; his thoughts on Joey and what Dave had said to him the night before. He had to admit that it was extremely tempting to turn the boat around and tell Joey that he would never give up on her. All his life Pacey had been the one to take a stand when something was wrong and to take control when there was a crisis and to fight for what he believed in. But, the last time he had done so Pacey had wound up loosing his heart, betraying his best friend and loosing everything that he held dear. So, no matter how tempted Pacey might be, he would never do that again no matter how much it might hurt him to see the one he loved with all his heart with someone else. He had learned his lesson.

When Pacey returned to Capeside there would be no going back. Dawson would have Joey wrapped up so tight Pacey would never be able to put a dint in their relationship again. He had hoped that they could all become friends again but now that idea seemed hopeless. Jen and Jack would still be his friends; in fact, they would probably be the closest friends he would have. Pacey had noticed Jen and Joey growing close over the last few months of school and he sent out a silent prayer that they would continue to do so. Andie and he would eventually be friends again but they would never be as close as they had been. Dawson would probably never want to be his friend again and if they ever did patch up their differences Pacey was certain that they would never be the "blood brothers" they had been before they had both fallen in love with Joey. And Joey. Joey would be the hardest one to face of them all. She would smile at him and try to make everything right, just like she always did. Except it would be impossible this time. The knowledge that she had broken up a life-long friendship would tear Joey apart but she would survive. Joey was much stronger than anyone gave her credit for. Eventually Pacey and she would have an awkward acquaintance but he was certain of one thing. Nothing would ever be the same between any of them again.

Now that Pacey thought about it, he guessed that he'd always known the time would come when Joey would fall in love with Dawson, the idealistic dreamer with the nice house and "perfect" family instead of him. And Pacey couldn't blame her for that. Who would want a guy that had as screwed up a family as she did? Joey had needed something stable, something that would give her hope. And Dawson presented the perfect model. Dawson, of course, had been oblivious to the change in Joey but Pacey had noticed right away. He'd been sad because it meant that he would most likely never have a chance with Joey but glad because at least Joey would have what she wanted and his two closest friends would be happy. Pacey had also known that the situation would play out the way it did. Joey, the perfect girl, would fall in love with Dawson, the perfect guy and the protagonist of the story, and Pacey, the best friend, screw-up and practical joker, would fall for his girl. Eventually, they would fight over her and the screw-up would loose, as usual, and the perfect girl would slip away and wind up with the perfect guy and the sidekick would end up alone; the classic ending to the classic tale.

Pacey yelled in frustration, hurtling his empty soda bottle into the sea before his mind could even register what he was doing. Joey would kill me if she knew I just did that he scolded himself. He smacked himself on the forehead and plopped onto the deck of the boat. This was not working. No matter how hard he tried he still subconsciously thought about Joey and how she would react to his actions. He heard a funny noise and looked over the side of the boat. A dolphin had emerged from the depths of the blue water and was playing with the bottle. Pacey chuckled in spite of himself.

Joey loves dolphins.

Pacey sat completely still as it cautiously got closer and closer until it was only a few feet away. It opened its mouth and made a noise that sounded like it was laughing at him. Pacey rolled his eyes. Even sea dwelling mammals were laughing at his stupidity. The dolphin nosed the bottle towards him and it drifted until it clinked against the side of the boat. Pacey slowly reached down and picked it up out of the water. He smiled at the dolphin. "Thanks pal. " The dolphin bobbed its head then disappeared under the waves.

"Was that supposed to be some sort of sign," he asked raising his face skyward. "Are you trying to tell me that I shouldn't give up, that I should turn around, what?"

Pacey waited to see if he would get an answer but he didn't. 

"Figures."

Pacey turned the bottle over in his hands. Sunlight bounced off it making multicolored patterns against the wooden deck. Joey could paint this. Pacey shook his head. It was useless. He wondered if she would paint over his words on the wall, if she would leave it there to look at, or if she would just leave it until he got back and the lease ran out. Pacey hoped that she would paint something on it, something that would stand for who she was like he had wanted her to do from the beginning. Joey had so much depth and talent. Pacey was sure that it would take her away from Capeside where she could see the world, learn new things, and everyone would be able to experience the wonder that was Joey Potter.

Pacey sighed in defeat. He had tried his so hard not to fall in love with Joey Potter. He had failed just like he failed at everything else…or so he'd been told. That's why he was a loser. Looking back on all the things he had done over the past year had really given him perspective. There were so many things that Pacey wished he could take back. But there were also actions that he would never regret. The dance at the prom, Joey kissing him by the fire at Dawson's Aunt Gwen's during spring break and the two of them spending time together at the retreat off of Highway 20.
When had Pacey known, without a doubt, that he was in love with Joey? It must have been the weekend when everyone had gone to the B&B and Pacey had almost put the Potter sisters in the poor house by inviting "the Roger Ebert of the B&B world", Fred Fricke, to spend the weekend. Pacey had come back to tell Joey about the heater and had found her asleep by the fire.

"You know you love someone when you can sit all night by the fire just watching them sleep."

Mrs. Ryan's words had come back to him and Pacey knew what he had to do. She had looked so beautiful that he'd had to stay. All he wanted to do was sit in the rocking chair and watch her all night. And that was exactly what he had done. Pacey had spent the entire night in the chair just watching Joey peacefully sleep. He'd never noticed how gorgeous she looked when she was sleeping.

"Is she pretty?"

"Yeah, she is pretty. She is very, very pretty. She's actually that kind of pretty that gives you butterflies-know what I mean?"

That was something Pacey had noticed as he watched her sleeping. Joey had the ability to give him butterflies. Pacey had spent the whole night replaying his life in his head, trying to find a way to explain how it had happened. Truth be told, he'd had a crush on Joey for as long as he could remember. Joey had always been truthful, even when the truth was painful and that had been refreshing for Pacey considering that he came from a home where deception was a part of everyday life.

Pacey chuckled and shook his head ruefully. Doug had known all along whom he had been talking about and had given him good advice, whether Pacey wanted to admit it or not, even if it had backfired on the advice taker. 

"Look, Pacey, uh, in my experience, you don't come across that many people with the ability to give you butterflies. You just don't. And if you don't tell this girl how you feel, well it'll be like spending the rest of your life in your own personal prison."

Pacey had taken his dear brother's advice but still found himself in his own personal prison…but it was a prison of his own making. He had never actually said the words "I love you" to Joey but he knew that she knew he did. It had been written all over her face when she had come by the wall and seen what he had painted, it had been there when they had danced at the prom and had both experienced an onslaught of emotions that were not supposed to be there but were.

"Wanna know something, Miss Josephine Potter? I think the world may just surprise you yet. I mean, you fall in love, it doesn't work out and you think that it'll never happen again. But it does. Believe me, it does. In the strangest of places."

And he had found it in the most unexpected place of all; Joey Potter. Pacey shook his head. He had to stop thinking about this. He scoffed. Yeah right. Like that was ever going to happen. Joey Potter would loose her virginity long before he stopped thinking about this.

Stop that thought Pacey scolded himself. You cannot think about that.

"That's easier said than done hombre," he muttered aloud.

Loving Joey had been one of the easiest things Pacey had ever done. It was very easy to love Joey, whether she believed it or not. All it took was the way she bit her lip when she was nervous, or how sexy she looked when she was really pissed, or one glimpse of her compassion for others. There was not one thing about Joey that Pacey did not love. Everything she did made him crazy with desire, everything she said made him want to sit and have a conversation with her until they were both blue in the face and everything Joey was would live inside Pacey for as long as he lived. He just hoped that she would have a few nice lines to say about him when someone wrote her biography.

Pacey could see how it had happened. It had been inevitable. Joey had been hurting just like he had been. Both of them had felt betrayed and alone. Dawson had refused Joey in favor of frolicking with Eve and even though that relationship had fizzled he still had not returned to her. Joey would always feel responsible for the distance between Dawson and she due to her pushing him away after he had told her about her father dealing drugs again. Joey had spent the whole summer forgiving, forgetting and awaiting his return so that they could try again and Dawson had crushed all her hopes.

Pacey had spent the summer anxiously awaiting each phone call and every letter from Andie. He's been in self-agony throughout the entire summer longing for the day that he could wrap Andie in his arms and never let her go again. And she had slept with someone else completely shattering his belief that they could survive anything.

Pacey sighed. That had closed the deal on him buying the sail boat that would come to be the "True Love". It would symbolize his belief that there was that one perfect person out there for everyone. That there was someone out there waiting for him like he was waiting for her. Pacey had spent countless hours working on the boat, making her into the beauty she now was. It had been his own way of venting his fear, anger, sadness and frustration. Having Joey occasionally help out now seemed like a kick in the face. 

"Good God the irony," Pacey muttered aloud, chuckling at the thought. He felt himself getting sleepy and checked all the riggings then went under deck. He plopped onto his small bed and stared at the ceiling. Memories were swimming around in his head and he decided to relive them.

"Permission to come aboard?"

"Permission granted."

Pacey sighed. That had been a wonderful afternoon. He remembered her sanding one side while he did the other, occasionally sneaking glances at her, thinking how beautiful she looked. It had gone down in his journal as one of the best days of his life. Pacey reached over and picked up the leather bound journal that Joey had given him for Christmas. At the time, she told him that she was not sure what had made her buy it for him but Pacey had a feeling that now she knew why. What was completely ironic was the fact that he had bought her one too. They'd had a good laugh over that one.

"Don't give up."

"Give up?"

"On true love. It always wins in the end."

Will's words to Pacey after the Regatta haunted him. He had felt like strangling Dawson, not for entering the race, but for resorting to childish antics that almost killed Will and himself. And for once again putting Joey in the middle. Looking back on that day now Pacey thought that maybe the race had been God's way of telling him that he was not going to have Joey Potter. But then again maybe Dawson wasn't either.

Pacey looked up at the hatch and noticed that the sun had gone down. It was time for him to escape from the conscious thoughts of Joey and run to the subconscious ones. Pacey curled up on the bed and hugged one pillow to him. He had gone from soaring with the knowledge that his feelings were not unrequited to falling down to the dolldrums of hell with grief, heartache and loneliness. Pacey felt tears trickling down his cheeks and was powerless to stop them.

Pacey pulled "True Love" into Capeside's marina at daybreak. There was a slight fog covering the quiet town and he was glad for its protection. He tied the boat to the dock and sighed. Capeside. The place where everything had gone wrong and, after three months, it was time to face his demons.
Pacey heard someone behind him. "If you're hoping to mug me you won't be getting anything. All I have is stale crackers and dirty underwear."

"The only thing I plan on stealing is you," a familiar voice responded.

Pacey knew who that voice belonged to and he spun around to face the one person that he had not dared hope would be awaiting his return. There, on the docks, stood the woman of all his fantasies wearing a very tight, skimpy black dress with her hair hanging in disarray and her feet bare. To say that he was surprised by her appearance would have been an understatement. He had never seen her look so sexy. "J-Joey," he finally sputtered still staring at her. "What are you doing here?"

"I've been waiting for you."

"What?" Pacey shook his head in disbelief.

"I tried to stop you Pacey. I ran as fast as I could but I didn't reach you in time. When I got here you were already sailing away. I yelled at you to turn around…but you didn't."

Pacey's eyes widened. "That was you?"

"You heard me," she asked softly.

"Yeah. I thought it was just my imagination."

"No. It was me."

"Dammit," Pacey exclaimed.

"No Pacey. It was actually a wonderful thing. It gave me three months to sort everything out. I'd sit on the dock all day and practice what I was going to say to you when you came back."

Pacey's blue eyes bored into hers. "And what would you say," he asked in a low voice.

Joey gazed at him with a look that Pacey was afraid to believe was really there. "I would look at you and tell you how much you mean to me and how no one, not Dawson or anyone else, has ever made me feel the way that you do. I would tell you how no one else's kisses have ever made me feel so loved and so special and how much I missed them. I would tell you that I need you in my life and that I cannot live without you."

Pacey watched as she got closer and closer, barely able to breathe.

Joey stopped directly in front of him. "I'd tell you how incredible you are and how much I need you…h-how much I love you."

Pacey gulped. She was staring at him with a look of complete honesty and Pacey knew that she was telling the truth.

Joey reached out and took his hand in hers. "I'd ask you to forgive me for taking so long to realize what I felt and for being so afraid to act on it. I'd tell you that I thought about you every single day and dreamed about you every single night."

"Ditto," Pacey said in a raspy voice.

Joey smiled and continued. "I'd look into you eyes and ask you to open up your heart one more time and that I would come running. I'd ask you to wrap your arms around me once more and that I would never leave their warmth and safety ever again." Joey paused and looked directly into his eyes. "I'd ask you to take me back and give me one more chance to return all the love that you've given me."

Pacey stared at her hopeful face for a moment. He'd known what his answer would be before she even began speaking. Pacey lifted their joined hands and kissed the back of hers gently, his eyes meeting hers. Surprisingly, they were shinning with unshed tears that, depending on his answer, would become either broken-hearted or joyful ones. "Yes," he whispered, his breath hissing over her skin.

Joey looked at him. "Really," she asked hopefully.

"Oh hell yes. Come here Potter," he said gruffly pulling her against him and bringing his lips to hers for a searing kiss. Their tongues met and all was forgotten. Joey grabbed onto Pacey's shoulders to keep from falling as their kiss intensified. Pacey's hands began roaming her body. His left one grasped her butt as he pulled her tighter against him while his right one luxuriously made its way up her thigh to her waist and higher until it finally plunged into the mass of dark brown hair that was swirling around them in the breeze.

"Pacey," Joey whispered against his lips.

"Yeah," he mumbled between kisses.

"Let's go inside the boat."

Pacey stopped cold and looked at Joey in surprise. "Joey, are you sure about this?"

Joey grabbed his head and pulled him back in for another scorching kiss. "Yes…if you are," she said when she released him.

Pacey gazed at her for a moment. Then he swooped down and swept her into his arms. "Oh God yes," he said as he stepped back onto the boat.

Once they were inside Pacey set Joey down. "Joey I-," he began but Joey placed a finger over his lips.

"Shh. I know. I want to do this. I love you Pacey. You're the person that I want to be with. Forever."

That was all Pacey needed to hear. He reached down and slowly began raising her dress. Joey tugged his shirt up and he raised his arms and quickly discarded it. The thin, black material of Joey's dress was getting higher and higher….

Pacey jerked awake.

"So much for sleeping," he grumbled, getting up, grabbing his journal and flashlight and going above deck. He put on his jacket and looked out over the moonlit water. It was a gorgeous night and he couldn't help but wonder what Joey was doing right now. Would she be safely tucked in bed having a wonderful dream? Or would she be over at Dawson's, curled up next to him on his bed watching E.T.? Or maybe she was standing outside looking at the moon just like he was. Pacey sighed. That was probably the least likely of them all…but he could wish couldn't he? Next week he would dock in Charleston and call Doug. Pacey hoped that he was back from training camp because he desperately needed to hear a familiar voice.

Pacey sat down on the cushioned seat, turned on his flashlight and opened up his journal. It was really starting to fill up.

July 5, 2000

I had an unusual encounter last night at a bar I was in. The man's name was Dave and he shared his story with me. Thank god that he was a nice guy though, or I'd be sitting in a North Carolina jail right about now waiting for Doug to come and pick me up. But what he said to me has me wondering if I made the right decision in leaving Capeside. Maybe I really am a loser. Maybe I should have stayed and fought harder. Would things be different if I had? I don't know the answers to my questions…I can only speculate. All I know is that whatever Joey is doing…I hope that she's happy.