Have you ever gotten lost in someone’s eyes? That was the caption on one of the sappy cards Dawson gave me during our three month fiasco of a relationship. And I always felt bad knowing my answer was a resounding “no.” I believed the whole idea was just a dumb cliche manufactured by greeting card companies. Until now. Now when I’m looking in Pacey’s eyes.
He just told off Dawson a minute before and his eyes are still fiery from the confrontation. I’m glad he did it too, I’m glad Dawson’s gone. Pacey needed that, he needed to be free. I can see it in his eyes, so happy and alive. And clear. So clear. They remind me of the creek during a rainstorm, when the entire town of Capeside becomes liquid. And I’m lost in the deep blue, I’m lost in the crystal blue eyes staring back at me. Loving me.
I lay down on the bed and pull Pacey down on top of me, thankful that he was able to return to me so quickly. Grateful for whatever was said to make Pacey so mad. Mad enough to push Dawson out the door. There’s no room for Dawson here. All I want is to stay lost in Pacey’s eyes. He lowers himself down on me slowly, his strong arms keeping him from resting his full weight against me, his legs nestling between mine.
I shiver as our chests touch, our legs brush each other, the warmth of Pacey’s skin raising goosebumps on mine. Looking in his eyes I see the questions, the insecurity form. I sit up a little to kiss him, slipping my tongue between his lips. Putting a hand behind his neck I pull him towards me again. I run my hands along his back, feeling the muscles ripple beneath my fingers. He breaks the kiss pulling me closer in a soft hug. I can feel his lips moving against my shoulder as I return his tender embrace. I also feel his cock press against my body. His lips move again in a quietly mumbled question, “Are you sure Jo? We can wait, I want this to be perfect for you.”
He sits up and scoots away from me, pulling a corner of the comforter over his erection, his eyes a mixture of desire, love, and concern. His cheeks tinge pink as he glances down at the bulge, so obvious even beneath the quilt. “Pace, come back here.” I pull at his hand, urging him towards me. He smiles hesitantly, moving a little closer, but remaining sitting. I start to wish my boyfriend was a little less of a gentleman. I have to convince him that I’m ready. I have to, but as always, I’m not sure what to say. Whatever comes next has to be right, otherwise I’m going to end up listening to the shower replace me in Pacey’s love life yet again. And again I’ll end up watching some teeny bopper drama on television wondering why the girls on that show get to have sex while I stay firmly planted atop the pedestal that Dawson Leery built. And Pacey stares up at me, waiting and wanting.
Chewing on my lip, I think for a moment under his intense stare. Hoping and praying for the right words to come I say, “We don’t need to be perfect. We just need three things.”
Pacey smiles softly and whispers, “What three things Jo?”
I lean back and pull him with me again. “You, me and....”
“Love,” Pacey interrupts, his eyes glistening.
Laughing, I reach into his nightstand. Feeling for the end result of our last official sex discussion, my hands feel the sharp corner of the box and I fumble to open it. Pulling the shiny metallic packet out I give it to my boyfriend, smiling cheekily, “I was going to say ‘you, me, and this.’”
Pacey chuckles and blushes, taking the condom from me. “Oh....what about love?” His voice is low and rumbly and he’s whispering in that way that kills me. That way that makes me feel lost. And alive.
My voice catching between tears and giggles, I reply, “Pace, with you and me, love’s a given.”
As he tears open the package and sits up to slide it on, I watch. His blue eyes lock on mine and he winks at me, his smile reassuring. He catches my lips in a kiss, my face in his hands, and moves over me again. His arms brace him above me, too far away for my liking. I reach up and tickle his sides up to his armpits and he falls on me laughing. I feel his hardness against my thigh again and pull one of his hands down to my wetness, embarrassed and aching all at once.
His eyes stare into mine, full of wonder, as his fingers dance over me tentatively. Finding my clit, Pacey flicks at it once, then slowly turns circles over it with his thumb. I bite my lower lip as he touches me, my hands moving over his back, tracing patterns over the smooth flesh. He teases me a little and brushes his erection against me once. Then one of his hands cradles my face, the other guiding his cock inside me. I tense a little and shut my eyes tightly. Pacey stops for a second and kisses my scrunched up lids, his hands brushing stray hairs out of my face. “Open your eyes Jo,” he whispers into my ear, his tongue brushing against my neck he’s so close. I open them slowly, blinking against the light. He gazes down at me. “Are you sure?”
I thrust my hips up to his, bringing him deep inside me in one sure stroke, and gasp a little at the tiny sting of pain. His eyes widen and his mouth is an open circle of surprise. Then he starts to move, pulling out of me almost all the way, moving back in a little deeper. His hands brace against the mattress, I move mine to his neck, pulling myself up to kiss him. He tastes salty, a combination of sweat and tears. The latter fall on my chest as we move together finding a rhythm. Rocking against each other, it feels a little like being on the True Love. The ache builds between my legs and I bite my lip, trying to hold back the moan that tears from my throat anyways as the rush of my orgasm overwhelms me. Pacey looks down at me, a large grin stretching across his face. Then he lets out a sound that I can’t discern, part chuckle, part sigh, part something else. Something I swear is my name. He thrusts into me once more, all his muscles tightening above me, and I hear it clearly this time, “Josephine.”
Pacey collapses on me, slowly pulling out, and I feel a little empty, a little cold. I wrap my arms around him, and he holds me close, kissing me softly on my neck, my cheek, my lips. We fall asleep in each other’s arms and I hear a voice that might be mine whispering, “I love you Pace.”
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