“You look like hell. Your girlfriend do that to you?” Doug smirked at his younger brother as he walked into their shared apartment.

“Her best friend, actually.” Pacey shut the door behind him “My best friend.”

“Maybe you need some new friends.” He held out the glass. “You also look like you could use this.”

“Contributing to the delinquency of a minor? Is that a crime Deputy Doug, my boy?”

“You feeling just fine then, brother of mine?”

Pacey took the glass and drained it, grimacing as he did so. “Thanks.”

“She worth it?”

“What?” Pacey looked up from the empty glass and smiled. “Yeah, she’s more than worth it.”

Doug touched the tender skin around Pacey’s swollen eye. “Well, I hope you’ve got her memorized, Bro. Because you’re not going to be seeing much of anything for a couple of days.”

“Had a feeling,” Pacey winced as Doug touched his nose.

“Is that why you’re home?”

“I figured it would be best to make my way here while I could still see where I was going,” Pacey nodded. “Although I’m hoping that I’ll have a much cuter nurse than you.”

“I doubt it.” Doug walked toward the kitchen. “There’s a blizzard due. Nobody is going anywhere in Capeside for several days.”

“But…”

“Think of it this way,” Doug grabbed a CD. “Your pal Dawson will have some time to cool off. You and Joey could probably both use some cooling down.” Pacey ignored his pointed look and sank down on the couch. “And I can give you some musical education.”

“God save me from Judy Garland.”

“You could learn something, you know. Women like a cultured man.”

“You would know what women like,” Pacey groaned as the CD started. “I’m already in a lot of pain here, Doug. Show a little mercy?”

Doug poured another drink and turned up the volume. “Suffering is sexy, little brother.”

“Great. That’s just what I want to hear when I’m stuck in your apartment, alone with you during a blizzard.”

“You’re my choice too, Pacey.” Doug grinned at his brother’s horrified look. “I saw Alive. If I start starving, you’ll be the perfect meal.”

Doug wasn’t kidding. I can’t see a damn thing. One of my eyes is swollen completely shut and the other feels like there’s a very large icepick being shoved into it repeatedly. Of course, that may have something to do with the divas spinning on the CD player.

It’s a good thing that the blizzard has shut everything down, since I doubt I’d be able to function in school, although I’m going crazy not seeing Joey. Being without her this week has made me realize that the longest I've gone without seeing her this year has been two days.

Four is killing me.

Thankfully the snow let up first thing this morning and with a little bit of luck, I’ll be getting some sweet sympathy from the delectable Joey Potter any minute now. The snowplows are scraping the streets as I sit here and, in a fit of compassion – or maybe just to stop me from whining – Doug has agreed to go and pick Joey up from the B&B.

Settling back on the couch, I close my eyes for real. It’s nice actually, having her there behind my eyes so that I don’t need her with me. Well, mentally I don’t need her here. Physically it’s sort of like torture. I can remember the feel of her lips on mine, her body on mine, and I miss it like crazy. Seems kind of strange to miss something I’ve only had for a week now, but I do nonetheless.

I can’t help but wince as the loud pounding on the door exacerbates the pain in my head. I know it can’t be Joey. I can’t imagine Potter trudging through snowdrifts to see me, no matter how sexy I might think I am. So, it’s either someone from the local constabulary or it’s one of the deputy’s illicit liaisons.

Forcing myself to my feet, I walk to the door being careful not to trip over any of the fine knickknacks that my brother has littered the room with. Leaning on the door, I do my best to peer through the peephole. If it’s my dad, I’m pretending I’m not here. If it’s one of Doug’s bedroom buddies, I’m *so* not here. If it’s…

Dawson.

I don’t know what to do if it’s Dawson.

“I know that I’m probably the last person you want to see right now…” Dawson shifted nervously from foot to foot.

“You would be. If I could see.” Pacey pressed his lips together, struggling to hold in his anger. “What are you doin’ here, Dawson?”

“I thought we should talk.”

“We talk everything to death. I’m not in the mood for talking, and I’m especially not in the mood to hear you lay into Joey again. If you’ve got a problem with our relationship, that’s just fine. I expected that. But I won’t stand by and listen to you go off on her.”

“I’m not here to talk about…well, to talk bad about Joey. I just want to talk.” Stepping closer to the door, Dawson looked intently at his friend. “We’ve been friends for a long time Pacey, and I’d hate to let a girl come between us. Even if she is Joey.”

Pacey thought for a moment before stepping back. “All right, but one word wrong and I’ll kick you out of here on your ass.”

“I’m counting on it.”

Dawson looked around Doug’s apartment and tried not to laugh. “God, he really is stereotypical, isn’t he?”

“More than you could possibly imagine.” Pacey managed a smile. “So…”

Dawson took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “It’s tough. I mean, the whole you and Joey thing. It’s tough for me to get my mind around. You guys seemed to always hate each other and yet the next thing I know, you’re talking about spending the afternoon in her bed.”

“Which pisses you off more? The fact that we’re not enemies or the fact that…”

“You’re lovers?” Dawson looked sharply at his friend. “Are you? I mean, I know I have no right to ask, but she is…I mean…”

“Don’t worry, I’ll put you out of your misery. No, we’re not lovers.” Pacey met Dawson’s eyes. “Not yet.”

“Which means you have every intention of becoming so?” Dawson nodded resigned. “I mean, I should figure…well, I…this isn’t coming out quite right.” He took a deep breath and stared down at his hands. “You’ve got a lot of experience, Pacey. I mean, of all the people around, you’re the most sexually active and…”

“Not one to talk down my reputation Dawson, but I’m not Chris Wolfe here. I mean, sure I was with Tamara and Andie, but I wasn’t…”

“I’m not implying that you’re some sort of Don Juan, love ‘em and leave ‘em type, Pace. I know the lengths you’ll go to just to make sure that you’re doing the right thing for the right reasons. But…she’s Joey.”

“And for just that reason, I’ll be that much more careful.” Pacey stood up and paced the room slowly. “I know that you love her, man. I do. I realize it and, believe me, I’ve spent the better part of two years analyzing and trying to deny my feelings for her. I mean, you’re the golden boy, you know? You’re the one who ends up with someone like Joey. I’m the town screw-up.”

“Yeah, and your history with women really reflects that,” Dawson gave him a deprecating smile. “You had an affair with the hottest teacher to ever hit Capeside. You had a great relationship with a beautiful, really nice girl. How does that classify you as the town screw-up?”

“That’s…She’s like perfection, you know? And I keep asking myself what the Hell I’ve done to deserve her.”

“Well, everything I said the other day aside, Joey is great. But she’s also…confused. She’s trying to find herself and she keeps setting herself up for more heartache. She’s been alone for a while now, but all through that she’s had you as a friend. And now you’re moving that to a new level and…well, I guess for your sake, I’m afraid she’s going to do the same thing to you that she did to me.”

“We’re different people.” Pacey stopped walking and folded his arms across his chest. “You and I, we’re not the same person.”

“No. But in a lot of ways, Joey is. I mean, she’s been through a lot lately, but she’s still the same insecure, unsure girl she was last year.” Dawson sighed again. “I’m not trying to dissuade you, Pace. I mean, it’s going to be tough and I’m not going to promise that I won’t channel Abby Morgan from time to time, but if this is what you want…”

“She loves me.” Pacey stood still, his arms still held protectively in front of him.

“Yeah, she told me that too, Pacey.” Dawson stood up and put his hand on Pacey’s shoulder. “And she meant it. For both of us. But loving someone doesn’t make you right for them. I’m sure Andie loves you. I’m sure you love her. Doesn’t mean that you’re meant to be.”

“This reverse psychology is wonderfully enlightening, Dawson, but you’re completely off base when it comes to me and Jo. She’s never once looked at me the way she looked at you. She’s never once sighed over my perfection, only to be disappointed when I turned out to be an all too human 16 year old. I’ve never been up there on that pedestal with you, so I’m not going to come tumbling down.”

“That’s exactly what I’d want to think about how my girlfriend sees me.”

Hot anger boiled up inside Pacey once more. “You’ve just got all the answers, don’t you, Dawson? I mean, you always know the right thing to do and the right thing to say. Well, save your sympathetic ear, okay? Me and Joey are going to be just fine.”

“I’m sure you will, Pacey.” Dawson walked to the door and pulled it open before turning back to his friend. “I just hope it lasts longer than the few months she and I did. Because when you really love her? It takes a long time for your heart to heal.”

It’s been a new sort of hell. The kind that’s laced with all the trappings of a winter wonderland except, of course, the parts you want, like the cuddling by a roaring fire and the snuggling in a horse drawn sleigh. Not that I would ever do any of those things. Not that Pacey would ever do any of those things.

Well, at least not where anyone could see him.

Doug offered to pick me up at the B&B, but I didn’t want to have to wait for him to finish his rounds. Apparently, he and Pacey had been just as trapped as we were. I can only imagine the two of them locked up together. Pacey should have some nice mental scars to add to his collection. Although it does appear that the two of them are getting along much better since they’ve been away from the parental influence.

I stopped at Dawson’s on my way, picking up both mine and Pacey’s coats. Thankfully Dawson wasn’t home so I didn’t have to listen to his haranguing. Funny how Dawson only gets mad at me when I try and move on with my life in a direction that doesn’t involve him. Of course, it’s probably partially my fault since, like him, I figured we’d keep moving toward one another.

Although after what he said the other day, any direction Dawson Leery is in, I’d like to choose the polar opposite.

Pacey’s coat is warm. I’ve got it wrapped around me over my own and it smells like him. So much of my life was spent telling him everything that was wrong with him – up to and including odor – that it seems almost surreal to be liking everything I ribbed him for. But he smells nice. And he feels nice.

And his kisses…well, they go beyond nice.

I can see his apartment from here and it’s nice to know there’s just a little further to go. I can’t wait to finish my wade through the knee-high snow, kick off these boots and try and persuade Mr. Witter to warm me up a little. The thought makes me smile, not to mention blush, but it doesn’t go away. Ever since the other day in the truck, I seem to spend a lot of time thinking of ways for Pacey to warm me up.

I stop as I see Dawson storming out of the building and my hopes for a nice, quiet afternoon pretty much disappear.

Somehow, when I thought about getting warm with Pacey, the heat of anger was the last thing on my mind.

Pacey threw open the door, his anger perilously close to the surface. “What?” He snarled.

“Somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.” Joey leaned casually against the doorframe, a seductive smile on her face.

“Somebody woke up in the wrong bed this morning,” he corrected, pulling her into his arms. “Hey Potter.”

“I missed you.”

He inhaled the warm scent of her as he wrapped his arms more tightly around her. “You have no idea how good it is to see you. Not that I can see you really, but you know what I mean. You do, right?” He pulled back. “I mean…”

“I saw Dawson leaving.”

Pacey stepped back, releasing her as he did so. “I see.”

“Except you can’t.” She took off both his jacket and her own and hung them up on the coat rack. “What did he have to say?”

“Warning me off you. He seems to be afraid that you’ll lure me down the garden path then leave me there amongst the weeds to suffer and die.” Pacey sank down onto the couch. “Of course, he only said any of those things for my own benefit so that I wouldn’t suffer such a cruel fate at your hands.”

“He’s jealous?”

“Green with envy,” he couldn’t quite keep the satisfaction from his voice.

Joey noticed and raised her eyebrows as she sat next to him. “And you’re glad?”

“Well, I’ll tell ya, Jo,” Pacey dropped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her next to him. “I’ve gone through a lot of years living in Dawson Leery’s shadow. I’ve watched his golden life from afar and I’ve wondered what it would be like to live such a charmed existence.”

“And you think you’ve gotten a taste of that, do you?” She turned to look at him, barely able to keep her smile in check.

“Well, I wouldn’t go that far. Dawson’s life is a little too saccharine for me, I think. A regular appetite of it might give me an upset stomach. But that’s not to say that I don’t like a little spice.”

“We’re talkin’ bad cable porn channels here, right Pacey?”

“I’m talkin’ about you, Jo.” Pacey turned slightly so that he was looking directly at her. “I mean, I know that Dawson seems to think that you’re his exclusive property and I know how much you hate the thought of belonging to anyone. So I’m just going to say that as long as you like being in my life, Miss Potter, I’m more than happy to have you in it.”

“So if I do what Dawson thinks and walk away now that I’ve got you? You’ll just let me walk away, out of your life, and remember me with fond memories?”

“Hell no. I’ll hunt you down, chain you to a bed and keep you there until you agree to stay,” Pacey grinned at her, leaning in to brush her lips with his own. “Which isn’t to say that I won’t chain you to a bed anyway.”

“You’ve probably got a lot of practice at chaining women up, huh?” She laughed at his embarrassed expression. “I mean to keep them from running away, Pacey.”

“Oh…right.” He leaned closer, whispering in her ear. “Just don’t say a word if Deputy Doug asks you if you’ve seen his handcuffs.”

“Pacey!” Joey giggled and pulled away from him. “You’re horrible.”

“Nah.” He pulled her back to his side and held her against him, his hand stroking her long, dark hair. “I’m exactly what you’ve been waiting for.”

I’ve forgotten how good it feels to just hold someone. I mean being here, alone with Joey, I’d have expected that my thoughts would be solely on the physical possibilities.

Don’t get me wrong here. The physical is very much on my mind. I ma, after all, a 17 year old boy. But right about now, lying back on the couch with one leg stretched along the length of it and Joey nestled in my lap? It’s not all I’m thinking about.

I’m thinking about how comfortable we are with each other. I’m thinking about how good she feels, how warm her body is. How…incredibly hot I’m getting from the feeling of her hand stroking my thigh.

Okay. So maybe the physical is a little more prevalent than I like to admit.

Closing my eyes, I lean back and give myself over to the sensation. Her fingers keep running over the same area, leaving trails of fire in their wake.

I should stop her. Because any second now it’s going to be too much and I’m going to place my hand over hers and bring it back a little further.

I’m going to run her hand over my erection and thrust against her until she turns and lies on top of me.

I’m going to find her lips with mine and taste her until she fills all my senses and I lose complete control.

She’s laying back against my chest and her other hand is moving over my other thigh, her nails scratching over the denim. Her breath is coming hard and fast in rhythm with mine.

My hands slide around her waist and I just hold her as I mend my head. The skin of her neck is so soft beneath my lips. She tastes like heaven.

I raise my hands, lifting her shirt slightly so that I can feel the smoothness of her stomach. Her breath catches and she tilts her head. My tongue whispers over her earlobe and her shivering moan goes straight to my groin.

Unable to control myself, I grab her hips and pull her back against me. She pulls away and turns around to face me instead. She’s trembling as her hand raises to touch my lips.

What’s going to happen next is right there in her eyes, and my heart is hammering in my chest.

I wrap my hands around her waist and settle her between my thighs. I whisper her name just before she kisses me, trapping the sound between us. The kiss is so much more than I’ve ever experienced. It tastes of love and lust, hot and sweet as her tongue duels with mine. She’s just as stubborn as I am and the fight for dominance makes every second more intense.

We finally pull apart, both breathless. Sliding my arm underneath the smooth curve of her ass, I lift her up and turn, preparing to stand and carry us both into Doug’s bedroom. She’s straddling my thighs, and I can feel the heat between us, the love.

Tears sting my eyes as I look up at her. I’m going to make love to her. Everything I’ve ever needed, ever wanted is wrapped up in this beautiful woman in front of me, and I’m going to make love to her.

I prepare to stand, holding her tightly to me. Her legs wrap around my waist and she’s staring…over my shoulder.

I turn my head and groan quietly, letting Joey sink back onto her feet. She’s blushing furiously as she leans against me, standing on tiptoe to wave at my older brother.

“Well, if it isn’t Capeside’s answer to Romeo and Juliet.” Doug smiled. “Which is fitting Pacey, since you look like death.”

“Feel the love,” Joey smirked.

“Sorry to keep you from that,” Doug’s smile turned to a smirk to match hers. “You about ready to head home, Joey?”

“Sure.” She stepped away from Pacey, clenching her hands at her sides to hide their trembling. “I guess it is getting late.”

Doug jingled his keys. “You coming too, little brother, or are you sticking around for a cold shower?”

“As much as I’m sure that Joey’s safe, given your sexual preferences, I think I’ll ride along.”

“Great.” Doug tossed the keys toward Pacey who managed to catch them, despite his impaired vision. “Go start the truck.”

“What…?”

“Pacey.” Doug’s voice held the authority of his position. “Go.”

Pacey grabbed his coat and left the apartment, glaring at his brother all the way out the door. Joey watched him leave before facing Doug. “Is this where you warn me not to hurt him?”

“Something like that,” Doug admitted. “For all his bravado, Pacey’s a fragile guy. Especially after his last girlfriend.”

“I know all about Andie.”

“And I know all about Dawson.” Doug looked down at his hands. “You three have been friends for a long time.”

“I love Pacey.” Joey surprised herself with the confession. “It’s been building…from friendship to so much more. He’s…he knows who I am and he encourages me in it. I don’t have to pretend with him.”

“He’s loved you for a long time.”

“Well, for as thick headed as he can be, and as overly analytical as I am, Pacey’s a hell of a lot more self-aware sometimes.”

Doug nodded and touched her shoulder. “Just don’t hurt him.”

“I don’t plan on it.”

The ride home is silent, which is a relief. My whole body was still tingling from the afternoon on Doug’s couch. Not that sitting between Doug and Pacey is all that relaxing.

Pacey’s hand is holding tightly to mine and I know he’s dying to ask me what Doug said. I squeeze it lightly, trying to reassure him, which just reaffirms what Doug said to me.

Lifting our hands off the seat, Pacey presses his leg against mine. I close my eyes and remember the feel of his hard, firm thighs beneath me.

I knew, when I looked into his eyes, that Pacey and I were headed for Doug’s bedroom. His blue eyes had been dark with need, undoubtedly matching mine in intensity.

What surprised me the most was how much I wanted to disappear into the bedroom with him, how my heart pounded at the thought of that lock clicking behind us.

Releasing his hand, I move mine back onto his thigh. I hear him inhale sharply at my touch and can’t help but grin. He turns his head and looks at me, a knowing smile on his lips. My body’s trembling again as I turn toward him, heedless of the fact that his brother is just inches away from us. Not caring that we’re not alone, I let my hand inch higher up his leg.

Pacey grabs my wrist and swallows sharply. Shaking his head, he firmly plants my hand back on my own leg. I can’t help the smile dancing across my lips as he smothers a chuckle. Lifting his hand off mine, he brings it up to my neck and pulls me to him, dropping a quick kiss on my lips.

His eyes promise retribution as we pull up next to my house. Doug slips the truck into park and gives us both an exasperated glance. Pacey opens the door and hops out, holding a hand out for me to help me down. With a quick look at his brother, he walks me to the door and stands there staring down at me. I want to say something. The silence between us is laden with emotion, but I know that I can’t. If I say a word, I’ll ask him to stay and as good as it felt this afternoon, I’m not sure I’m ready for that. I’m not sure either of us are…erection notwithstanding.

Standing on tiptoe, I kiss him softly then step away. With a quick wave, I duck through the door and rush to my room, not looking back.

But I know he’s watching. And I like the feel of it.

“So I have to wonder how much the two of you must hate me right now.” Pacey grinned at Andie and Jack as he sank down into the empty chair at their table. “Who wants to go first? The outraged ex-girlfriend, sure that I used her maliciously to cover my buried feelings for Joey, or the over-protective brother and ex-boyfriend, wondering if my intentions are honorable and wanting to kick my ass for treating his sister so injudiciously?”

“You’ve never had an honorable intention in your life,” Joey reminded Pacey as she joined the three of them. “And don’t let him fool you into believing otherwise.” She grinned sheepishly at the McPhees. “Hey.”

Jack met her eyes and smiled. “You okay?”

“You mean after the humiliating experience of having the man who swore that he loved me berate and degrade me in front of all our friends? Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Don’t all the men who love you degrade you?” Pacey frowned. “I mean, I thought it was part of the job description. Hell, I’ve been doing it since we were…what? Five?”

“Yeah, and you’ve really colored my life experience with your own special brand of abuse.” Joey reached over to jab Pacey in the ribs but he caught her hand and held it, his fingers lacing between her own.

“You wouldn’t know how to handle it if I started being nice to you, Potter. You’d think I’d joined some sort of cult. Besides, how is a macho guy like me supposed to show his affection in this cruel, mocking world if he can’t use a little foul language and slander a woman’s good name?”

“I’m Mike Potter’s daughter, Pacey. I haven’t had a good name in a long time.”

Jack rolled his eyes. “Nice to see that the change in your relationship has done absolutely nothing to save the rest of us from the non-stop bantering. I’ve got to go. Andie? You coming?”

“Not yet. I’ll be along.” She hesitated for a moment. “I need…well, can I talk to you for a minute, Joey?”

“Sure Andie.” Joey got up from her seat as Andie left the table. She cast a quick, worried glance in Pacey’s direction, not surprised to see anxiety in his eyes. Andie stopped out of hearing range of the table and turned back to Joey.

A soft laugh escaped Andie’s lips. “You look scared to death.”

“I have to admit, I’m a little nervous. I’m guessing, since we’re away from Pacey that this has to do with him. Which would most likely lead someone to assume, as his ex-girlfriend, that you might have some issues with Pacey dating someone else, despite what you said the other day. And, as your friend, I would be in the un-enviable position of being asked not to date him, since you’re so obviously still in love with him.”

“You could assume that,” Andie nodded her agreement. As Joey’s shoulders slumped, she shook her head. “But you’d be wrong.”

“I would?” Joey looked doubtful.

“I just wanted to let you know that I really am okay with it. In fact, if it helps at all, Jack, Jen and I sort of laid into Dawson after you and Pacey left the other night. What he did was uncalled for. I mean, I know he was hurting. I’ll admit, I was hurting a little too. You guys seem so happy that I guess I miss having that, if that makes sense? But I don’t…it’s not about Pacey.”

“You’ll find someone, Andie. When you’re ready to again.”

“I know. I do. I just…well, Pacey’s a good guy, you know? He’s got this exterior that is brash and outrageous and annoying, but he’s a sweetheart underneath. I know that you know that. I know that he shows that side to you too. I just…don’t hurt him, okay? Because I did and I don’t think I could watch him go through that again.”

“I’m over Dawson, Andie. I promise. And I have no intention of hurting Pacey.” Joey’s eyes wandered over to the object of their conversation. “Like you said the other day, I love him too.”

“You can hurt the people you love, Joey.” Andie’s voice was soft and laced with pain.

“I know.” Laughing bitterly, she nodded. “I know. Ask my father. But Andie, I’m not going to hurt Pacey.”

Andie nodded, trying to hide the tears standing in her eyes. “I have to go.” She started to leave when Joey caught her arm, stopping her escape.

“Andie?”

“Yeah?”

“You’ll always own a piece of his heart.”

She nodded through her tears and hurried away, the softly spoken ‘thank you’ all she left behind.

Pacey’s concerned gaze was focussed over Joey’s shoulder as she walked back toward him. “Is she okay?”

“She’s getting there.” Joey started to sink onto a chair until Pacey pulled her into his lap. She settled there comfortably, rested her head against his. “She’s okay with us though. And I think she’s glad for us. She’s just a little lonely.”

“I feel…I don’t know how I feel.”

“Both of you know that it was what it was for as long as it lasted,” Joey shrugged. “She misses being part of something, Pacey, but it doesn’t mean she wants to be with you.”

“I know.” He nodded sadly. “Still, it’s kind of strange. I mean, my ex-girlfriend’s okay with it all. One of your ex-boyfriend’s okay with it.”

“Well, Jack doesn’t have much room to complain since he’s more likely to be taking a fancy to you than to me these days.”

“I’m a one-woman guy.”

“Jack’s not a woman.”

Pacey hugged her tighter. “I belong to you, is that better?”

She shook her head. “No belonging. I want us to be together, but that can’t mean that everything else goes away. That’s what being with Dawson was like, Pacey. I don’t want to be…”

“My Joey Potter?” He threw her words back at her, although there was no malice. “I know that, Jo. I wouldn’t ask you for that. I mean, I could handle you being my girlfriend, but I’m not going to try to monopolize your personality.” He nuzzled her neck. “Unless of course, Dawson’s around.”

“Well, then…” She giggled as his tip of his tongue grazed the hollow of her throat.

“Or when we’re in bed. Then I’m almost positive that I’ll be all you can think about.” He moved to her neck, kissing his way up to her earlobe. He nibbled on the soft skin for a brief moment before his warm breath caressed her ear. “And there, Joey? We’ll belong to each other.”

A shiver of desire ran through Joey and she turned her head, seeking out Pacey’s lips with her own. He wrapped his hand in her hair, tilting her head as his tongue found hers. They dueled for a moment, fighting for dominance of the kiss until Joey began sucking on his tongue. Pacey’s groan was caught between them as his hand contracted around her waist.

Joey pulled away, catching his lower lip between his teeth, prolonging the contact. Her eyes were dark with passion and need, her lips swollen from his kisses. “Pacey?”

He nodded, hearing her implied question. “Doug’s…Doug’s out of town this weekend. Conference…in Boston.” He wasn’t sure why the words seemed so hard to form, why his desire for her left him shuddering with reaction. “Joey?”

She was panting hard as she realized what they were both asking, what they both wanted. She slid off his lap and stood, holding her hand out to him. How strange that something so important to her for so long seemed so easy to give away when the time was right. “Are Doug’s sheets pink?”

He stood as well, lacing his fingers with hers as they walked back toward Doug’s apartment. Her question, seemingly so out of the blue, relaxed him immensely. “Probably. But I suppose there’s only one way to find out.”

Both of us are trying not to think as we walk back. I can see Joey out of the corner of my eye, huddled in her bulky coat, chewing on her lower lip. My mind and my heart are both racing.

Despite all the banter and over-educated sexual posturing, Joey’s a virgin and I know, just by virtue of the fact that Dawson wasn’t her first, that it’s not something she takes lightly. There have been more than a fair share of guys in Capeside who would have been more than happy to deflower a certain Miss Potter on more than one occasion.

Hell, I’ve had to save her from a few of them myself.

Intellectually, I know that this is a huge step for her and she’s probably scared to death. I know that she’s a hell of a lot more nervous than I am and I know that, no matter what she says, all her life she’s imagined this moment with Dawson.

Which would be why my heart is racing.

Because, as many times as I’ve done this now, I’ve never done it with someone I’ve loved as much or as long. I loved Andie. I love Andie, but she’s not as entwined in my life as Joey has always been. Andie was all about the now. Joey’s a mixture of the now and the then and the…well, I don’t want to think about the future.

As afraid as she might be about what’s going to happen when we walk into that apartment and lock the door behind us, I’m twice as afraid of what won’t happen. I’m scared that I’ll walk in there and not be the man she wants. I afraid she won’t want me, afraid that she’ll want him. Petrified that she’ll want him and settle for me.

Spending all of your life coming in second to the golden boy does that to you, I guess.

I glance over at her, surprised to find that she’s looking at me. Her eyes are knowing and I wonder if she can tell what I’m thinking. She squeezes my hand and I remember the *other* reason my heart is racing.

I love this woman. And, regardless of the Andie McPhees, the Tamara Jacobs and the Dawson Leerys of this world? I’m going to be the first person to make love to her. I’m going to be the one who shows her all the passion and affection, the heat and tenderness she deserves.

I’m going to give her everything that she needs.

Even if, in the end, it breaks my heart to do it.

Pacey’s scared. I can see it in his eyes.

I thought I’d be afraid, but I’m not. I’m nervous. I’ve never done this before…not even close, really, so I’m not all that sure I know what I’m doing. And Pacey’s done this more times than most of the rest of us put together…other than Jen, of course. So I’m a little afraid that I’m going to be a big disappointment. Let’s be honest here, I’m not the most liberated sexual being in Capeside.

But I know that this is something I want. And I know, once Pacey touches me, I won’t care about anything else other than how good he makes me feel.

And he makes me feel very good.

But I can see his fear and it scares me. Because I don’t know how to make it go away. I don’t know how else to tell him that Dawson isn’t there, not in my heart, not like he is.

I mean, I’ll always love Dawson, and I’m only 16, so there’s no way of knowing what’s going to happen in the rest of my life. Maybe I’ll be with Dawson again someday. Just like Andie will always have a part of him, Dawson will always have a part of me.

But today, tonight…for right now, the only thing I want is Pacey. I just wish I knew how to tell him. I wish I knew the right words to say. Because when we’re in the bedroom, I want it to just be the two of us in there together. I don’t want any old loves or old lovers between us.

I want it to be Pacey Witter and Joey Potter. I want it to be the two of us, alone. I want to be in his arms. I want him to be inside me.

I shiver and he stops walking. A small smile plays across his lips as he shrugs out of his coat and wraps it around my shoulders. It’s funny, since I’m far from cold. The thought of him…of us together has me feeling nice and warm.

I look up at him and smile and hope that he can see that he’s the only one in my eyes.

And in my heart.

Pacey shut the door behind Joey and turned the lock, filling the small apartment with the sound. His hands trembled as he raised them to Joey’s shoulders and removed his coat. She turned as he hung it up, shrugging out of her own coat so that she could hand it to him.

The room was dark, the heavy clouds outside creating an early evening. Joey looked up into Pacey’s eyes and tried to smile. “Did…should we turn on the lights?”

“Sure,” Pacey nodded as his hand caressed her cheek. “Anything that you want.”

“This isn’t just about me, Pacey.”

He stepped away, slightly stung by her tone. “Right.” He moved around to the CD player and thumbed through his brother’s collection. “Which diva would you like most? Streisand? Cher? Whitney Houston?”

“Pacey, I’m sorry.” Joey walked up to him and rested her hand on his shoulder. He refused to turn toward her, so she walked around until she could see his eyes. “I know you’re nervous. I am too, believe me. But getting upset with each other, and correct me if I’m wrong because I’m new at this, it’s not a big turn on, is it?”

He had to smile at her impish grin. “With us it is.”

“In that case,” she touched his lips with a gentle hand. “You’re a stubborn, egotistical, arrogant jerk.”

“God, I love it when you talk dirty to me.” He kissed her hand as he grabbed her wrist lightly. He carefully turned her around so that they were facing the same direction then pulled her back against him. “I’ve never been this scared before, Jo. I mean, we’ve been friends forever and I don’t want to lose that. I don’t want to become an insipid couple of gushing romantics and irritate all our friends beyond measure.”

“You don’t want to be a stand-in for Dawson.” The words hung in the air and Pacey stiffened behind her. He released her arm and started to take a step back until her hands grabbed his belt loops and held him still. “It’s true, right? Isn’t that what you’re thinking?”

He nodded, unable to force the words out. Joey released him and turned so that she could see his eyes. The worry in their blue depths sent a sliver of pain through her heart.

“Is that it, Pacey?”

He nodded again. “I know you’ve said that you’re not in love with him anymore and I trust you, Joey. But you and Dawson…you spent a lot of time in denial.”

“Dawson spent a lot of time in denial, Pacey.” She ran her hand through his hair, smiling as she felt him inhale. “I never denied my feelings for him, not to you. And I wouldn’t start now. I’m not going to lie. Yes, Dawson Leery is a big important person in my life. But he’s not the guy I love, Pacey. He’s not who I’m in love with. And the sooner you realize that, the sooner you can accept it? Well, that’s all the sooner you’re going to find yourself in the bed in the next room.”

Pacey raised an eyebrow. “You throwin’ yourself at me, Potter?”

“You catchin’?” She raised her hand to trace the high arch of his brow. “Do me a favor, Witter?”

“What’s that?”

“Stop all this over-analytical self involvement.”

“Why Josephine, whatever would we do then?”

She answered him with a kiss that barely brushed his lips. Standing on tiptoe she kept her lips close to his, letting him feel her words. “Take me to bed.”

Pacey inhaled deeply then bent to sweep Joey up into his arms. She shrieked in protest until he got to the door of the bedroom. “Potter, you don’t stop wiggling, I’m either going to drop you on your ass, knock your head into the wall or…”

This time it was her eyebrow that shot up. “Or what?”

A soft blush stained his cheeks. “Well, you’re wiggling in a particular place…”

She slapped his shoulder, “Pacey!”

“Hey, if you want to end the afternoon much earlier than I would, keep it up…and I won’t be able to. But if you want a nice afternoon of slow, sensuous lovemaking…” he lowered his voice to a husky whisper. “I’m not gonna drop you, Joey. Trust me.”

Her eyes widened at his promising tone and she stopped struggling. Her hands slipped over his shoulders, holding him as he nudged open the bedroom door. Pacey walked into the bedroom and carried Joey over to the edge of the bed, where he slowly lowered her to her feet. She kept her arms around his neck, letting her fingers play with the soft, short hairs at the nape.

“Pacey?”

He moved his hands to her hips, sliding them around until they rested just above the curve of her ass. “Yeah, Potter?”

“I’m scared.”

Her dark eyes were wide and nervous in the dim light. “Why don’t you just sit down and take a few deep breaths?” He guided her toward the mattress and stepped away. “Relax, Jo.”

“But…”

He knelt in front of her and forced her to look at him. “Hey, this is Pacey, right? And we’re nothing if not brutally honest with each other, correct?” She nodded and he continued. “This right here? Whatever it is? It stops the second you say so. If you say stop or no or wait or…anything that can be construed as Pacey get the hell away from me? It’s done. But that doesn’t mean we are.” He stroked her cheek with his thumb, smiling up at her. “I love you Joey, and yes, I want to make love to you. But if you’re not ready it’s not going to happen.”

“I believe you.”

“Now, just relax. Take a few breaths. I’ll be right back, okay?”

“Where are you going?”

He stood up and ran his hand through her long dark hair. “I’m just going to set the mood a little.”

“So help me God, a disco ball and bad 70’s porn music comes on, Witter, I am so out of here.”

He grinned and walked out to the kitchen. “Don’t worry Jo. Knowing my brother, you’re more likely to get YMCA and a biker rally.” After a few moments he was back, carrying a handful of candles. “Although I do have to thank him for the feminine touch.”

Joey watched as Pacey set the candles on the nightstand before sliding off the bed and moving up behind him. Her hands rested on his hips and she stood as closely as she could. “I thought I was supposed to be the feminine touch here.”

Taking a deep breath, Pacey straightened and turned around. “You over that bout of nerves, are ya?”

“I trust you, Pacey. Almost as much as I want this…as I want you.”

He nodded and bent his head, capturing her lips with his own. Joey’s arms snaked around him and pulled him closer to her as she opened her mouth, inviting him inside. Pacey groaned softly and wrapped his arms around her and lifted her slightly so that she was the same height as him. His tongue explored the warm haven of her mouth, searching out every surface. He ran the tip of it across the roof of her mouth, holding her tighter as she shivered in response.

Finally, Joey pulled her head back and stared at him, her breath coming rapidly. Her gaze held his for a long moment until she moved her head, finding his lips once again. One of his hands slid down to cup the curve of her ass and Joey wrapped her legs around his waist. Sucking on her tongue, Pacey stumbled toward the bed, easing her down onto her back.

Joey moved her hands to the front of Pacey’s shirt and tugged him down on top of her, not caring as his weight pinned her to the bed. Her lips and teeth were in constant motion, kissing and nibbling as she broke their kiss, tasting the slightly stubbled skin of his jaw.

Pacey lay above her, fighting the urge to thrust against her. She took his breath away as she worked her way to the smooth skin of his neck. His hands framed her face, pushing her hair back, as he brought her lips back to his. His tongue invaded her mouth and a soft purr of satisfaction escaped them both.

Slipping one of his legs between Joey’s, Pacey moved closer to her as she arched up against him. He broke off the kiss and stared into her eyes. Smiling at her, he sat up ignoring her pout of protest as he tugged gently, pulling her shirt from the waistband of her jeans.

As soon as the material was free, he slipped his hands beneath it to feel the heat of her skin. Joey whimpered and arched upward again, into his touch. His hands caressed the smooth flesh of her stomach before unfastening the bottom button of her shirt.

Leaning toward her, he moved the material out of the way and placed a soft kiss on the newly exposed skin.

Joey whimpered as his lips met her hot flesh. Pacey pulled back reluctantly, hating to lose contact with her. His hands quickly found the next button and slipped it free. He leaned in once more, brushing her skin. Unable to pull away again, his hands finished unbuttoning her shirt as his lips and tongue danced over her stomach and up to the covered swell of her breasts.

Joey buried her hands in Pacey’s hair, moaning her pleasure as she thrust up against him. She bit her lips, struggling to control herself as her hands raked through his dark hair, urging him higher.

With a delicate touch, Pacey’s tongue traced the bottom edge of Joey’s bra before finding her nipple through the thin cotton cloth.

Joey gasped and pulled Pacey’s head away. He straightened immediately, afraid he’d gone too far until her hands skimmed down his chest to find the bottom of his sweater. She tugged at the fabric, needing it off of him. He grabbed the hem, pushing her hands out of his way as he pulled it over his head.

Joey’s hands were back as soon as he’d bared his skin, touching him everywhere. Her fingers splayed out over the warm flesh, feeling the firm muscles of his stomach and realizing once again that the gangly little boy she’d known all her life had grown into quite an impressive man.

She felt the muscles tighten as she touched him. Sitting up, she let her hands wander to his chest, feeling the hard tips of his nipples pressed against her palms.

Her lips found his collarbone and she nibbled lightly. “Pacey,” she whispered softly as her tongue dipped into the hollow of his throat.

Pacey’s shaking hands found the clasp of her bra and unhooked it, easing the material out from between them. With nothing between them, he enveloped her in his embrace, wrapping his arms around her. Joey’s hands moved to explore the contours of his back as his grip brought their chests together.

Gasping as her nipples came into contact with his skin, Joey dug her nails into Pacey’s back. He shuddered, pushing down against her. She pulled back, her hands moving around to his belt buckle, her short nails raking his skin. She slipped her hand behind his belt, underneath the button of his jeans and pushed him away.

Pacey moved back, standing at the edge of the bed. His blue eyes held hers, hope behind the questions in them. “Jo?”

She stood up as well, her hands moving to her own jeans and unfastening him. They fell to the floor as she held Pacey’s gaze. Kicking her jeans away with her shoes and socks, she stood there before him in nothing but a pair of light pink panties, every emotion playing out over her face. She chewed on her lower lip, watching him through half-closed lids.

“My God,” he whispered. “You’re perfect.”

Her soft, self-deprecating laugh filled the quiet room. “I’m far from perfect.”

“No.” He shook his head and met her eyes, daring her to argue. “You’re not.”

She managed a smile. Not wanting to hear him compliment her again, she reached out and grabbed him by the belt once more. “Come here, Witter.”

“You gonna take advantage of me?”

She unhooked his belt as easily as she had in the truck, easing it away from the denim. “I was thinkin’ about it.”

“Thank God.” He stood still as she unbuttoned and unzipped his pants before pushing them toward the floor. He stepped out of them and stood before her in a pair of plaid boxer shorts. “Plaid and pink. Put us together and we’re a golf outfit.”

“That’s not what we’d be together, Pacey.” Joey’s hand brushed over the fabric of his boxers, bringing his already obvious erection into high relief. He closed his eyes and inhaled, clenching his fists to retain control. Joey’s hands moved to her waist as she watched his struggle. While his eyes remained closed, she pushed her panties down to the floor and stepped out of them.

Pacey opened his eyes, sensing her movement and barely bit back the groan that threatened to escape. “You’re enjoying this, aren’t you Potter?”

She nodded. “Aren’t I supposed to?” She stepped forward and pressed against him, the thin material of his boxers the only thing separating them. His erection was trapped between them, and as she seemed to melt against him, he lost all sense of reason.

“Joey,” he growled, his hands finding her waist and lifting her onto the bed. He lay her down and shucked off his boxers before moving to lie beside her. One hand found her breast as his lips found her mouth, taking it in a hot, searing kiss. His tongue plundered her mouth, every desire he’d kept inside breaking free in their kiss.

He finally pulled away, panting breathlessly. He watched her for a moment, memorizing the sight of her before bending his head once again to place a row of kisses down her neck.

His hand massaged her breast as his lips continued southward, capturing her nipple as he rolled the other lightly between his thumb and forefinger. His teeth played with the taut skin as his tongue teased the tip as he held his body tight against hers, the smoothness of her skin like silk against his aching cock. Joey’s hands tangled in his short hair, pulling him away from her as the sensations coursing through her overwhelmed her sense.

He grinned at her glazed expression before acquiescing to her silent request. Leaving the swollen nipple alone, he leaned over her, letting the tip of his erection brush the side of her thigh as his lips caught her other breast.

Joey was panting, her hands leaving his hair to rake down his back, pulling him closer to her. Pacey groaned as their bodies crushed together, the heat of her adding to his body’s ache. Releasing her nipple, his tongue worked its way down her stomach, dipping into her belly button for a moment, before moving down to the soft downy hair at the apex of her thighs.

He felt her tense as he moved between her legs, settling himself carefully. He didn’t look up at her; instead he lay his head on her thigh and gently stroked her opposite leg with feather-light touches. She slowly began to relax, her breathing slowing down but not losing the fine edge of excitement. When she began moving up to meet his hand’s simple movements, he lifted his head and looked up.

Her hazel eyes were smoky and accepting. Pacey tilted his head slightly and exhaled, letting his warm breath tangle in the soft hairs. Joey arched off the bed, her breathing no longer slow. Once she settled back, she spread her legs further, offering him all the invitation he needed.

Using his thumbs to part the swollen flesh, Pacey inhaled her heady scent. His body shivered and he bent his head, letting just the tip of his tongue brush the swollen nub of her clitoris. Joey whimpered, her body tensing around him. He lay still, letting her relax as much as she could before teasing her again with a flick of his tongue.

Joey gasped this time; her body pushing down to feel his touch. With a smug grin only he could sense, Pacey moved closer, letting his tongue circle the hard nub as he carefully slid one finger inside her wet passage.

“Oh…” Biting off the moan, Joey clenched the sheets in her fists and let her breath hiss through her teeth. Pacey ignored her, his tongue working faster now as he began moving his finger deeper inside her. Her body found his rhythm, moving with him as he slid another finger inside. He crooked his fingers, brushing the top wall of her channel and Joey lost control, crying out as the first warm rush of orgasm struck her.

Pacey’s tongue moved lower, tasting her. He inhaled sharply as his tongue dipped inside her wetness and all thought of torturing her disappeared. He carefully removed his fingers and got to his knees, his chest heaving as he struggled for air. Her eyes were closed and she was breathing almost as heavily as he. “Jo?”

She opened her eyes languidly; her whole body feeling like it was made of liquid. “I miss you, Pacey.”

He let out a soft sound, something between a sob and a laugh and moved forward, letting his body cover her own. “I want to cherish you so much, but all I can think about is being inside you.”

Her hand reached over to the nightstand and she found the condom package he’d placed beside the candles. “Can’t you cherish me like that?” The heat of desire that had coiled in his stomach slipped lower and he felt his cock surge. Taking the packet from her hand, he took the condom out and started to put it on. Joey’s hands found his and she shook her head. “Let me?”

He nodded, not sure that his shaking hands were up to the task. She took it from him and carefully smoothed it down the velvety skin, her eyes locked on him as he watched her hands. “At the risk of sounding like a 17 year old? That is the hottest thing I think I’ve ever seen.”

“I have it on good authority that it gets better.” Her hand stroked him.

“It does.”

“Prove it.”

Pacey closed his eyes and offered up a prayer that none of this was a dream before guiding his cock between her thighs. He let the tip just brush the tender skin as his fingers carefully found her clit once more. He teased it, waiting until he felt her defenses relax before he pushed slowly inside her.

Joey tensed immediately, hissing as he entered her. Pacey stopped, letting her get used to the feel of him. Her muscles relaxed again and he moved deeper, wincing as she did as he came in contact with the thin barrier. “The Rubicon, Jo.”

“Now’s not the time to be bringing up history, Pacey.” She reached up and touched his cheek, surprised at the thin sheen of sweat. “And since when do you listen in history?”

He chuckled and shook his head. “No jokes.”

“No. I love you, Pacey.” He leaned forward to kiss her, piercing the barrier as his body moved. She let out a soft hiccup of surprise and pain and he froze, his lips poised over hers. Her dark eyes fixed on his blue ones and she tried to smile. “And I always thought you were a pain in the ass.”

“I’m not into the kinky stuff, Potter.” He kissed her tenderly. “Okay?”

“Okay,” she agreed.

Pacey nodded and began thrusting, barely moving inside her. She blinked rapidly at first, her body adjusting to his size and the feel of him. Soon, her body was rising up to meet his, matching him thrust for thrust. Pacey tightened his fingers in the sheets, deepening every stroke as he impaled her body, pulling out almost completely before diving back in, sinking into her.

Joey wrapped her legs around the back of his, holding him against her as she bucked upward, crying out his name as she found his rhythm and drove him to new heights. Pacey whispered her name over and over as he brought them both to the edge, cresting together before, with one final stroke, he buried himself inside her, tumbling headlong into oblivion and carrying her with him.

A lifetime later, Joey turned her head to look at Pacey. He was lying on top of her, trying to get his breathing under control. One of her hands tangled in his hair and she hugged him awkwardly. “That was…amazing, Pacey.”

“Mmm.” He mumbled, kissing her shoulder as he lifted himself off of her. “Are you okay?”

“Fine.” She winced as he moved. “Or sort of close to it.”

“I should…” he gestured toward the bathroom. She nodded and he very carefully pulled away from her, untangling their bodies as slowly as he could. “I’ll be right back.”

“Don’t worry. I think you melted all my muscles. I’m not going anywhere.” Joey raised herself up on one elbow and watched him as he walked to the bathroom. He didn’t seem to mind that he was naked or that she was watching him.

When he got to the bathroom door, he turned and looked at her knowingly. “I knew you had a thing for my ass.”

I sit on the edge of the tub after disposing of the condom and stare at myself in the mirror.

I just made love to Joey Potter.

I figured I’d look different.

Instead, I’m still the same Pacey Witter that I’ve always been. Town screw-up, disappointment to my father, underachiever…but inside? Inside, I’m completely changed. She loves me. She not only said so in words, but in the way she made love to me. Joey’s not the type to give herself over to stuff. She’s not emotional when she knows there’s someone watching.

But beneath me, watching me with those huge eyes, I could tell that she meant every word she said, every syllable she whispered.

And she said my name.

Cried it out in the throes of passion, to be honest, but that’s not the point. The point is, when it came down to it, when she was out of her mind with desire and lost to the sensations? She didn’t once cry out for Dawson.

It’s an amazing feeling, knowing she loves me. Knowing that she loves me enough to make love to me, to be with me despite our mutual friend’s disapproval. Deserving stuff like this isn’t something I’m used to. And I know I’ve been damn lucky, first with Andie and now with Joey.

Joey.

Christ, who would have thought that?

I stand up and stare at myself, trying to see the changes I know are there. But they’re not there in the mirror. They’re in my reflection. The one I see in her eyes.

I have never once, in my entire life, felt so completely revered.

The look in Pacey’s eyes during everything was enough to let me know that he loved me, but nothing could have prepared me for the way he looked at me when he finally…when we finally...when it happened. When he made love to me.

His blue eyes are so guileless. He can’t hide the emotions as well as he thinks he can and, when they take over? When he loses that renowned Witter calm and cool façade, they’re all there on the surface, swimming in those beautiful blue eyes.

And all I could see when he entered me, all I saw when he whispered my name with such awe, all I saw when he lost control and buried himself in me was love. Unequivocal, untarnished, unrelenting love.

I have to wonder what I did to deserve it.

I mean, I know that they say that joy equals sorrow in the end, and I’ve had more than my share of one, but I never thought that I’d find the other. I never thought that I could find someone who knew me and loved me without reservation.

And someone I could love the same way.

Don’t get me wrong. He’s still Pacey and, by virtue of that fact, he’ll still drive me insane on a regular basis, but he’s more than that now. He’s a part of me, a bigger part than just my childhood friend and enemy.

He’s more than in my heart.

He is my heart.

Pacey flopped down on the bed dramatically, turning on his side to stare at Joey. She mimicked his posture and stared right back. “All right, Witter, you’re the expert on post-coitus conversation. What’s next?”

“Well, usually, as I am a 17 year old boy, more coitus.”

“I see,” she raised an eyebrow.

“But, since it’s your first time, I thought I’d take it easy on you. I was thinking we’d order in a pizza, maybe curl up on the couch and watch a movie…”

“No movies.”

“And just relax and talk without all the trademark bantering.”

“You think we can do that?” She leaned in and kissed him, sucking on his lower lip. She released it and kissed him again.

“And then, after you’re all relaxed and rested, I was thinking *then* we’d have some more coitus.”

“Ah, I knew it had to be in there somewhere.”

Pacey lay back and pulled Joey into his arms, wrapping her up in his warm embrace. “But you’re not disagreeing?”

“No, not disagreeing.”

They lay silently for a moment, until Pacey brushed back her hair. “Hey, Jo?”

“Yeah?”

He smiled broadly, bracing himself for her inevitable attack. “What *is* coitus exactly?”