The room was dark and quiet as the clock chimed one a.m.  Pacey snapped open his eyes, cowering under the covers.  He waited…nothing happened.  "Chickenshit," he muttered, closing his eyes.  The sound of laughter caused them to fly open and he shot up in bed, staring at the sight that greeted him.  There was a stunning woman standing next to his bed, holding a wand of holly and she was glowing.  "Get a grip Pacey," he told himself, blinking.  But she was still there.

 "Hello Pacey," she said and Pacey gasped as he recognized her.

 "Mrs. Potter?"

 "About time you recognized me," Lillian quipped.

 "A-Are you the ghost of Christmas past that my father told me of," he asked, afraid to hear her answer.

 She nodded.

 "Whoa."

 Lillian held out her hand.  "Let's go.  My time is short and I have much to show you."

 Pacey got out of bed, grabbed his robe and hastily put it on.  When he accepted her hand, Lillian smiled and the window behind them opened.

 "Uh-no way, Mrs. Potter.  I am not going out that window!"

 Lillian chuckled.  "I promise not to let you fall.  Just hold on," she said, pulling him by the hand until they were at the window ledge.

 "Uhhh…ahhhhhhhh!"

 She pulled him out the window.  "Calm down Pacey.  When did you become such a scaredy cat?"

 "When I became worth a million dollars," Pacey responded, holding tightly to her hand.

 Lillian looked at him, an eyebrow raised.  "But I thought you liked looking down on people?"

 Pacey was silent.

 "You know...I could just drop you for the way you've treated my daughter."

 "UUUUAAAAAGGGGHHHH," Pacey screamed, clutching her hand in a death grip.

 Mrs. Potter laughed.  "But I won't."

 "Whew."

 "At least not yet."

 Pacey's eyes widened.  "Whaa?"

 "KIDDING!  Goodness.  You used to be such a joker.  What happened to you?"

 Pacey looked away.  "I wised up."

 "Humph."

 They came to ground outside of a house Pacey knew well.  "Oh my god."  They were standing on the snow-covered lawn outside the Witter home, looking into a front window.  Pacey saw the twelve-year-old version of himself bounding down the stairs.

 "DOUG!  Come build a snowman with me," he pleaded, a hopeful look in his eyes.

 Doug was sitting on the couch with his father.

 "Beat it creep," John Witter snapped.

 His smile faded a little but he turned around and ran to the kitchen where his mother was fixing Christmas dinner.  His sisters were there as well.

 "Would someone come and build a snowman with me?"

 Mrs. Witter shook her head.  "I can't dear.  I'm cooking."

 Two of his sisters ignored him entirely.  Gretchen looked at him sympathetically.  "I would if I could Pacey but I have the flu and I'm not supposed to go outside."

 "You're not supposed to be out of bed," Mrs. Witter griped.

 "It's Christmas mom," Gretchen protested.  "I'm not gonna stay in my room all day."

 Mrs. Witter sighed.  "Go build one by yourself dear.  And please get out of the kitchen."

 "Beat it creep," Ashley snapped, throwing a wad of turkey innards at him.

 Pacey ducked the ball of guts and stared at her.

 "ASHLEY," Mrs. Witter scolded.  "Don't throw things at your brother.  Clean up your mess."

 "Why don't you go over to Dawson's," Gretchen suggested, giving him a sympathetic smile.

 "He's not there.  He went to his grandparents," he said, despondent, turning around and walking out of the house.  Shuffling outside he sat down heavily in the snow.

 Pacey turned to look at Mrs. Potter.  "Christmas time was always rough.  I was definitely the odd one out."

 "I remember," she said softly.

 Pacey looked at Lillian, noticing how much Joey looked like her mother.

 "I know what you're thinking," she told him.

 Pacey turned away and gazed at his former self…sitting alone in the snow, stubborn tears falling down his cheeks.

 "I'm such a loser," he muttered.

 "Pacey."

 He looked up to see Gretchen standing next to him.  "What are you doing out in this cold?"

 "I was worried about you."

 "I'm fine."

 "Ummhmmm."

 He said nothing.

 "I know its tough being the one that everyone rats on.  But hang in there.  One day you'll be the one on top."

 "You really think so Gretchen?"

 "Yeah."

 "GRETCHEN WITTER!  You have TWO SECONDS to get your sick butt back in this house," Mrs. Witter yelled.

 "Coming mom," Gretchen yelled back, smiling at Pacey, looking at something across the street.  "I think you have a visitor," she said before running back inside.

 He turned around to see Joey standing on the sidewalk.  "Hey Potter."

 "Hi Witter," she responded.  "Another year in the doghouse?"

 "Yep."

 Joey grinned.  "Wanna come to my house?"

 He stared at her.  "You're offering to be in my presence for more than five minutes?"

 Joey shrugged.  "Sure.  Besides, it's Christmas.  And Bessie is off with one of her numerous boyfriends, dad's on the couch, drinking and watching football and mom's taking a nap."

 "How's she feeling?"

 "Tired," Joey said softly.  "She felt good yesterday so we celebrated Christmas then."

 "Oh."  He looked up at the girl who he'd grudgingly accepted because she was best friends with his best friend and nodded.  "Okay."

 "Great," she said, smiling mischievously and suddenly a ball of snow hit him in the face.  BONK!

 "That's it," he yelled, jumping to his feet.

 Joey laughed and sprinted down the sidewalk.

 "You'd better run," he shouted, taking off after her.

 The thirty-eight year old Pacey Witter stood in the snow watching them disappear around the curb.  "Even then she was beautiful," he finally said.

 "Yes she was," Lillian agreed, looking Pacey in the eyes.  "She still is."

 "I never doubted that," he snapped.

 Mrs. Potter smiled sadly.  "Come, let's see another Christmas," she told him, taking his hand and waving her wand of holly.

 They were transported to years later in front of the Ryan house as everyone filed inside for Christmas dinner.

Jen and Mrs. Ryan stood on the steps, greeting everyone and taking their coats.  Pacey saw Jack, Andie, Dawson, Gretchen, Doug, the Leery's and Roxanne as they all went inside the house.  Then his eyes widened as a black Explorer pulled into the driveway and the twenty-one year old version of himself got out and opened the passenger door, helping Joey out of the car.  Shutting the door, he took her hand and they walked across the yard to where Jen and Mrs. Ryan were waiting.

 "Hey guys," Jen said, giving each of them a hug.  "How are you after finals?"

 "Tired," Joey said, hugging Mrs. Ryan.

 "Sore," he responded, grinning.   "You know how Joey likes to study…with a whip."

 Joey glared at him as Jen, Mrs. Ryan and he laughed.

 "Come inside," Mrs. Ryan said.  "Let's eat before it gets cold."

 Pacey turned to look at Lillian.  "Why are we here?  What does this have to do with my present situation?"

 "Just watch," she replied, waving her wand again and now they stood outside the Potter B&B.

 Joey, Alex and he were building a snowman.  "He can't have a shoe for a nose Witter," Joey retorted, pulling an old shoe out of the snowman and flinging it across the yard.

 Alex giggled.

 "You think that's funny huh," he retorted, pretending to be offended.

 Alex nodded, the gaps between his teeth showing as he grinned even wider.

 "Potters…you can't get along with them," he paused and looked at Joey, "and you can't live without 'em."

 Joey smiled.  "Ditto to Witters."

 Alex jumped up and down.  "I know!"  Then he ran to the house and went inside.

 "Wonder what he's after," he commented, standing next to Joey and tugging on a strand of hair that had fallen out of her snowcap.

 "Probably a bat to bang his Uncle Pacey on the head with," Joey replied, grinning as she placed her hands on his chest and pushed, sending him sprawling into the snow.

 He stared up at her, surprised, as Joey laughed, holding her stomach.  Reaching out he grabbed her foot and pulled her down on top of him.

 "Umph!"

 "That's better," he commented, leaning up to kiss her, loving how her warm lips felt on his.

 Joey sighed into his mouth, reaching out beside them and scooping up a handful of snow. Pulling back, she rubbed the snow in his face.  "Open up sweetie," she cooed.

 He growled, his arms going around her as he rolled them over, pinning her beneath him.  "Real funny Potter," he mumbled as he brushed the snow off his face and rubbed some on her cheeks and nose.  "Let's see who's laughing now."

 Joey grinned.  "Do you have any idea how much you bug me?"

 "I think so," he replied kissing her forehead gently.

 Their moment was interrupted as Alex came back out of the house.  "Here we go," he announced, placing a black cylinder in the hole vacated by the shoe.

 He got to his feet and helped Joey up.  "Nice."

 "Great job Alex," Joey agreed, ruffling her nephew's hair.

 Alex grinned.  "Yippee."  Then he reached down in the snow and grabbed up a ball, throwing it at Pacey.

 "CHARGE," Joey shouted, scooping up her own ball and throwing it at him.

 "Hey," he protested, ducking.  "No fair.  You can't gang up on people."

 "Potter's rock, don't we Alex," Joey asked, giggling.

 "Yep."

 "Aww man," he whined, hiding behind a tree and scooping up a small snowball to throw at Alex.  It hit him on the butt and he laughed gleefully.  Alex threw one at Joey and it hit her on the shoulder.

 "Oh you got me Alex!"

 Alex smiled and jumped up and down, happy as a lark.

 They continued their game for a few minutes until Alex got tired and sat down in the snow, leaning against their snowman, watching Pacey and Joey as Pacey scooped up a huge snowball and aimed it at Joey.

 "Pacey!   Pacey no!  Don't throw it!  Please!  Pacey-AGH!  That's it!  Prepare to die," Joey yelled as a huge snowball struck her in the ass.

 He laughed until a snowball hit him in the mouth.  "Umph!"

 It was Joey's turn to laugh as he spat out the snow, grinning at her as she charged him.  He grabbed her by the waist and pulled her against him.  "Naughty Potter," he admonished, nibbling her earlobe.  "What would Santa say?"

 Joey smiled.  "He'd tell me to stop wasting my time," she murmured, her eyes twinkling.

 "Hmm…do you feel that way," he asked, brushing her hair off her face.

 "Nope.  I feel like the luckiest girl alive."

 He smiled, bringing his lips to hers in a gentle kiss.
 

 Pacey walked over to where Alex was leaning against the snowman.  "Hey buddy."

 "He can't hear see you Pacey," Lillian reminded him.

 Pacey heard her but did not respond.  "You must be grown up by now…and maybe even have kids of your own."

 Alex sat there, watching Joey and himself cuddle under a tree, smiling happily.

 "I wish I could say something to Deana right now," Pacey whispered.

 "What was that you said," Mrs. Potter asked.

 "Nothing."  He stood back up as Joey and he pulled apart.

 "Yo Alex!  Let's go inside and make some hot cocoa!"

 Alex jumped to his feet and followed them inside the house.

 Pacey and Lillian stood in the snow, watching them until the door shut.  "It was such a wonderful day," he said softly.

 "And an even better night," Lillian added, looking at Pacey closely.  "Wasn't it?"

 "Yes," he choked out, looking down at the snow covered ground.

 Lillian waved her hand and it was night.  Pacey saw Bessie, Bodie and Alex get in the truck and leave.  He turned to look at Lillian.  "No."

 "Go inside Pacey," Lillian told him.  "I'll stay out here on the porch."

 "But I don't want to relive that night!  I don't want to remember those feelings!"

 "Yes you do.  And, even if you didn't, you don't have a choice," Lillian reminded him.  "Go inside."

 Pacey's eyes pleaded with her but she was adamant.  "Go in."

 Pacey sighed, took a deep breath and went inside the house.

 He found Joey asleep on the couch by the fireplace.  She's so beautiful he thought, remembering a time, years ago, when he had sat by the fire and watched her sleep all night.  Pacey walked over to her and kneeled down next to the couch.  Reaching out a trembling hand he touched her face-or tried to.  His hand went through her but he didn't care.  He touched her cheek, her neck, and her hair.  "God Jo…how could I have ever let you go," he whispered.

 "I heard that Pacey," Lillian called from the porch.

 Pacey sighed as Joey turned over and curled up into a ball.  He moved away and stood next to the fireplace, watching her.  Then he heard his own steps on the stairs as he came into the room.

Leaning against the doorframe, he gazed lovingly at Joey for a few moments then went over to her.  "Podder," he whispered.

 Joey groaned and opened her eyes.  "Widder."

 "Aren't we a pair," he asked, chuckling softly.

 "Umm."

 "What dime are Bodie and Bessie doming back?"

 "Nod until domorrow morning," Joey answered.

 "Good."  He leaned over and kissed her nose.  "You wanna stay down here or do you want to go upstairs?"

 "Cuddle," Joey mumbled, running a hand through his short hair.

 "I have another present for you," he whispered.

 "Pace, you've give me enough."

 "I could never give you enough," he told her, his voice low and raspy.

 Joey closed her eyes at his tone and sighed contentedly.  "Having you is all the presents I need wrapped into one incredible package."

  Pacey looked at her, sure that the love he felt was evident in his eyes.

 "Do know Bacey Widder…I dink do might just surprise dourself yet."

 "Whad makes do say dat Poder?"

 "Well…dou're the only guy I know who would dand outside in da freezing cold just do build a snowman wid his girlfriend and her liddle nephew."

 He chuckled.  "Id was worth it.

 Joey laughed.  "Do sound fuddy."

 "So do do," he retorted.  "So…cuddle first then present…or what do you want to do?"

 Joey looked up at him and smiled.  "I don't care as long as I'm wid do."

 His eyes darkened and he pulled away.  "I'll be right back."

 "Okay."

 Pacey watched as the twenty-one year old version of himself bounded up the stairs.  He didn't want to relive this.  He started for the door.

 "Pacey Witter.  Keep your cute butt in that house."

 Pacey stopped and turned back to the living room, thinking of all the memories that he'd locked away in the far recesses of his mind that Lillian was pulling out in perfect detail.  Some of the best moments of his life had taken place in the very room he was now standing in.  And he was about to relive two of them.  Footsteps sounded on the stairs as he came back down.  Pacey sat down in the rocker, realizing that there was no escape and painfully watched the scene in front of him.

 Joey sat up on the couch, her feet resting on the coffee table.  "That didn't take long."

 "Nope," he said, taking a deep breath.

 "I have another gift for you too," she told him, blushing slightly.

 "Jo-"

 "Uh ah ah!"

 "Sorry," he paused, then went to sit on the coffee table in front of her.  "Jo, I have a story that I want to tell you."

 Joey nodded.  "Okay."

 Pacey knew what was coming and he watched the scene, realizing that he still remembered every word and found himself mouthing them along with his younger self.

 "I'm gonna try and say this without sounding fuddy.  I really don't want to screw this up."

 "Not possible," she reassured him.  "Whadever id is, I'm sure it'll be perfect."

 "Okay," he said, looking into her eyes.  "There was this little boy who loved Christmas and all he wanted was someone to spend it with.  His family was never much for the holidays and he was usually alone for most of the day.  But he had a sister who truly cared and two friends, a boy and a girl, who always tried to make the best of the day with him.  And the little boy, he really appreciated his two best friends.  And as the friends grew up he never forgot his or her kindness.  And Christmas was the one day of the year that he always looked forward to because he knew that at least one of them would make the time to come and visit or take him to their house to spend the day.  And one day the boy realized how beautiful the girl was and how special…how much she meant to him.  Then one day he realized that he loved her.  But it was more than just the friendly love.  It was the 'I love you so much I can't spend one day without being next to you kind of love.'"  He paused and looked at Joey who was gazing at him with tears in her eyes.  Don't start fucking up now he thought desperately.  You've still got the biggest part yet to come.  "The boy-he realized that-that the girl was a woman now and that he was a man…but he really felt like one because of her.  And it scared the hell out of him and chaos ensued…but love won out.  He got the woman of his dreams."

 Joey was crying silently now, her eyes wide as he got off the table and went to his knees in front of her, cupping her face in his hands.  "Joey, you're the woman of my dreams.  When I'm scared or hurt or confused all I have to do is touch you and know that everything is going to be okay.  You're my rock…my strength…my weakness.  You've made me the man that I am.  And I don't think there are enough words or kisses or hugs …or anything in the world to convey how much you mean to me."

 "Oh Pacey," Joey whispered, tears streaming down her face.

 Pacey placed a finger over her lips.  "Shh.  I'm not finished."

 "Oh."

 "You're the person that I was made for.  You're the one that's supposed to pick me up when I fall down and can't get back up on my own.  You're the one that supposed to tell me when I'm being a smart ass and hug me when I've had a bad day."  He paused and let out a deep breath. "It's you Joey.  I look at the future and all I see is you."

 Silent tears were streaming down Joey's face and she wiped them away with her free hand.

 Pacey reached in his pocket and pulled out something.  "Josephine Potter, I love you.  I am so in love with you that I can't see straight without you there to focus on.  I need you more than I've ever needed anything else in the world.  I want to be the one to hold you at night, to make love to you, to wipe away your tears when you cry or blow your nose when you're sick.  I want to spend the rest of my life with you.  Jo…marry me."

 Joey's eyes widened as he opened his hand and showed her the small silver ring with a diamond in its center.  "It's simple…elegant…beautiful…just like you.  But the thought behind it couldn't be paid in gold-and god was that corny."

 Joey choked out a half-sob-half laugh.

 He looked up at her with pleading eyes.  "Joey, will you marry me?"

 Joey stared at him for a moment, shocked.

 Seventeen years older Pacey Witter sat there gripping the arms of the chair as anxious as he had been then.  "Come on," he whispered.  Say yes."

 Joey took her free hand and touched his face, her fingers smoothing away the anxiety lines that had formed there.  "Pacey…I love you too.  So much I couldn't live without you.  I would be nothing but a shell of what I am.  You make me whole."  She paused and smiled at him.  Of course I'll marry you.  Yes!"

 His eyes widened.  "Yeah? I mean, I know we're going to have to wait a few years but-"

 "Oh hell yes," she exclaimed, cutting him off.

 He grinned with relief and slipped the ring on her finger, kissing the back of her hand and leaning up to capture her lips.

 Joey returned his kiss, her tears mingling with his own.

 When they broke apart she looked at him, a nervous smile on her face.  "Now it's time for my present."

 He got up off the floor and sat next to her on the couch.  "Jo, really-" he began but she silenced him by sliding onto his lap.

 Joey looked at him, her eyes shinning.  "I had planned this before and giving what just happened...it just makes it even better."

 He looked at her, confused.

 She looked him in the eyes.  "Make love to me Pacey," she whispered, her gaze holding his as his eyes widened in shock and his mouth fell open.

 "J-Jo-Jo-" he stammered.

 Across the room Pacey closed his eyes, groaning softly.  He couldn't stand this.  It was killing him to sit here and have to relive this beautiful night.

 Joey leaned her forehead against his and looked deeply in his eyes.  "Pacey, I love you.  And now I'm going to marry you.  You're the only person in the world that I want to be with.  You're the man that I want to give my virginity to.  You're the man I love, the man I want to be with for the rest of my life.  I want you to accept this as my gift to you.  You're the only man I want inside of me.  EVER."

 He was crying again.  "Oh Jo."

 "Shh," she shushed, wrapping her arms around his neck.  "Make love to me."

 He met her eyes and the look they shared caused the thirty-eight year old Pacey watching from across the room to tremble.  God I can't bear this.

 He nodded and brought his mouth to hers, his lips pressing against hers, his arms around her.  Joey sighed into his mouth and he brought his arms under her.  Pacey stood up, picking her up in his arms.  "Jo?"

 "Yeah."

 "I-I don't have anything."

 Joey nodded.  "I know.  It's okay."

 He stared at her.  "Are you ready to take the chance that you could get pregnant?"

 "Yes."  Joey reached in her pocket and pulled out a condom.  But if you're not…I came prepared."

 He laughed softly.  "I'm ready if you are.  School will be out soon and we'll get our own place and start our own family…if you're sure that's what you want?"

 "It is," she told him, throwing the condom into the wastebasket next to the stairs.  "Let's go."

 He looked at her…so full of love for her that he thought he was going to explode.  Then he began climbing the stairs, never taking his eyes away from hers.

 Pacey, still sitting in the chair, felt something wet on his cheek and he brushed it away, amazed to find that he was crying.  You can't cry.  She betrayed you.

 "I heard that Pacey," Lillian called from the porch.

 "I want to leave now."

 Lillian burst into laughter.  "This isn't a day at the park.  Like I keep telling you…you don't have a choice."

 Pacey felt himself being propelled up the stairs until he reached Joey's room.  A couple of candles were lit, providing the only light in the room.  His younger self had went back downstairs to check the doors and turn out the lights.  Pacey walked into the room and stood next to Joey.  Her cheeks were slightly red and she was smiling, her face aglow.  She giggled and her smile got wider.  Pacey reached out to touch her shoulder, his hand going through her.  Why can't I touch you?

 "They're only shadows Pacey," Lillian said, her voice floating up to him.

 "Everything's locked ub," the younger version of himself said, shutting the bedroom door and going over to her.

 "Great."

 "Jo…are you sure about this?"

She mock glared at him.  "If you ask me that one more time I'm gonna take it back."

 He glared back.  "Fine."

 "Fine." She spun around on her heel and went for the door, stopping when she got there and whirling back around, running back over to him as he met her halfway.  They wrapped their arms around each other, kissing fiercely.  His hands trailed down her body to the hem of her sweater and he tugged on it.  She pulled back and raised her arms…letting him slide it over her head and he dropped it to the floor.  His fingers running down over the straps of her bra and down her arms.  "You're not scared are you," he asked gently.

 Joey shook her head.  "How could I ever be scared with you by my side?"

 He smiled, feeling his eyes mist over gain.  "God, Jo, I love you."

 "I know.  I love you too."

 Head colds and congestion were forgotten as their eyes locked and Joey smiled softly, lifting his shirt with her hands, tugging at the material and pulling it over his head.

 Pacey still remembered the feelings his younger self was now experiencing.  It had felt like nothing else in the world…and nothing he had ever felt since.

 Joey's hands fell on his bare chest, her cool fingers running across his hot flesh.

 He gazed deeply into her eyes; reaching up and taking her hair out of its clip, letting it tumble over her shoulders in waves.  He ran his hands through it softly, loving the way the silky strands felt between his fingers.  His hands trailed down her neck to her shoulders and down her sides to the waistband of her sweatpants.  His eyes questioned her and she nodded slightly.  Bringing his fingers underneath the elastic he slowly brought them down Joey's long legs, his hands moving over her skin.

 Joey sighed and closed her eyes, stepping out of them when he reached her ankles.

 He rose to his feet slowly, his eyes traveling over her body, clad only in her underwear, in appreciation.  "You're gorgeous Jo."

 Pacey stared too, remembering how awed he'd been when he'd seen her.

 He let her undo his pants and they fell to the floor.  He kicked them away as her hands roamed his chest, looking at his muscles as they tensed beneath her touch.  "Wow."

 "What," he asked softly.

 "I never realized that you actually had muscles," she teased.

 "Ha ha Potter.  C'mere," he said, pulling her against him for a deep kiss, his arms around her waist, his tongue sweeping into her mouth.

 Joey sighed, her arms around his neck, her tongue against his.

 He made a noise in the back of his throat and his fingers slipped beneath her bra straps and slowly brought them down her arms.  Then he reached around and unhooked the strap, the bra went loose and he pulled it down her arms and dropped it to the floor.  Then bending down, his lips trailing along her flesh down her neck, his hands going to the band of her underwear.  He could feel her trembling slightly and he met her eyes.  "It's okay."

 "I know…I'm just nervous."

 "There's nothing to be nervous about."

 "What if-"

 He kissed her, silencing her doubts as he slowly pulled her underwear down her legs.  Breaking free of her mouth he dropped to his knees in front of her, bringing the material to her ankles.  She obediently lifted one foot and then another and the underwear was gone.  Joey was completely naked.  He brought his lips to her skin, kissing his way up her leg.  Her hands tangled in his hair and pulled him back up.  He met her eyes and saw that she was embarrassed.

 "Hey," he said softly, touching her cheek.  "Don't be embarrassed."

 "Sorry," she replied, looking into his eyes.  "It's just that no one has ever seen me naked before except me.  I know we never went that far because I wanted to wait and you never pushed me…but now that it's happening I-I can't help but feel like I'm not going to be good enough."

 "Jo," he reassured her.  "What did I just tell you downstairs?  Nothing gets better than you."

 Joey smiled.  "Really?"

 "Yeah."

 "Then get out of your boxers."

 He laughed.  "Yes ma'am," he replied, pulling them down and stepping out of them.

 Now it was Joey's turn to stare.  She held out her hand and he took it, gazing into her eyes.  "This is it."

 "Yeah.  No turning back now."

 "Who said I wanted to turn back?"

 He smiled and brought his lips to hers, picking her up once more and carrying her over to the bed and laying her down.  He took a moment and gazed down at her, loving how the candlelight made her skin shine.

Pacey groaned and ran a hand through his hair.  He could not stand to watch this…it was too much.  But he couldn’t leave.  It was if he were rooted to the spot.

 Joey smiled up at him.  "I love you."

 He gently lowered himself on top of her.  "I love you too Jo," he whispered, his hands traveling over her body.  They caressed her breasts, her thighs, her arms…everywhere.  Joey closed her eyes and let herself relax beneath his touch.  It felt incredible and she was so glad that they'd waited.  The moment was perfect.  Her hands stroked his back, loving the way his flesh felt beneath her fingers.  She could die this very minute from the pure bliss she felt just by being here with him like this.

 He gently pushed her legs apart with his knees and met her eyes, questioning her one last time.

 She nodded in acquiescence and he gently pushed into her.  She closed her eyes and bit her lip, feeling the pain that she'd expected, letting out a gasp.

 "Jo," he asked, stopping halfway.

 She opened her eyes, full of tears and smiled at him.  "I'm okay."

 Across the room, Pacey turned around and tried to block out the sounds they were making by covering his ears…but it was useless.  Every millisecond of this night had been permanently burned into his mind long ago.  He knew every moan, every sigh, every "I love you", every scream of pleasure…everything.

 Joey, her eyes locked with his, lifting up her hips and he slid all the way inside.  A small sound escaped her lips and he groaned.  Slowly, they began and Joey gazed into his eyes the entire time, tears flowing freely from her eyes as she wiped his away with her hand.

He had never felt so complete in his entire life and he knew that nothing would ever be better than this night.  "I love you so much Jo," he whispered, his lips against her shoulder.

 "I love you," she responded, kissing his forehead.

 Pacey could hear their movements increasing and heard their moans intensify and dug his nails into the palms of his hands.  "Why are you making me relive this," he whispered.  "I don't want to see this.  I don't want to see this and then remember that she betrayed me!"  He stumbled to the door and tried to open it, tried to go through it but he couldn't.  "Let me out."

 He heard Lillian sigh.  "You still don't understand."

 A cry of pleasure caused Pacey to turn around and his heart squeezed painfully.  He still remembered how it had felt to come inside of her, the way that she had clenched around him…there was no feeling on earth that could ever compare to it.

 "Oh Pacey…I love you."

 "Joey, Joey, Joey…ah…god I love you.  I love you so much."

 "LET ME OUT OF HERE," Pacey screamed, banging on the door.  "DO YOU HEAR ME?  LET ME OUT!  LET ME OUT!  LET ME OUT!"  He was crying now, hurt and furious.  "I DON'T WANT TO SEE THIS ANYMORE!  I ALREADY REMEMBER IT!  I WAS FUCKING THERE!"

"But you don't remember Pacey."

"LET ME OUT OF HERE!  PLEASE!  JUST LET ME OUT!"  Suddenly he found himself flying down the stairs, hearing them behind him.  His feet hit the wooden floor and he bolted out the door.  He stood on the front porch, gasping for breath, sweating.  Lillian was sitting in a rocking chair, looking at him.

"She was so close, I could smell her," he whispered, running a hand through his sweaty hair.  "I could hear all the sweet sounds she was making and I remembered how it felt!  I remembered what it felt like to be inside of her!"  Pacey brought his angry gaze to Lillian.  "Why'd you do that," he demanded.  "Why'd you make me watch and hear that?"

"You needed to see it."

"BUT I REMEMBER IT!"

"Do you," she asked, raising an eyebrow.  "Then how come you're no longer with my daughter?"

"She betrayed me!"

"Did she?"

Pacey stared at her.  "I want to leave."

Lillian shook her head.  "I have one more thing to show you."  Waving her wand she sent them to New York, five years later.  They were now standing inside Pacey's apartment and Joey and he were fighting.

"DAMNIT JOEY," he yelled.  "He had his arms around you!"

"HE'S MY FRIEND PACEY!

He scoffed.  "Yeah…sure."

"Pacey, Ben is my friend and co-worker.  There's nothing going on between us.  You’re the only man that I love."

"Then how come you were all over him?"

"I wasn't!"

"Sure as hell didn't look that way to me!"

"He was here because I forgot to leave a portfolio with him because I was in a hurry to get home!  I wanted to be here because I had a special night planned for us!"  Joey waved her hand around the room.  "Look around you Pacey!"

"So, you could have set this up for him.  How am I to know that you weren't planning a little tryst?"

"DAMN YOU PACEY WITTER!  LOOK AT THE CALENDER!  WHAT FUCKING DAY IS IT?"

 "I already know what day it is!  It's Christmas."

 "EXACTLY!  And what's the significance of Christmas to us?"

He shrugged.  "Another day to lounge around and do nothing…get cheap presents."

Joey gasped, all the color drained from her face.

"You stupid idiot," Pacey snapped, staring at the twenty-six year old version of himself.  "What are you saying?"

"I can't believe you Pacey Witter."

"What?"

"Don't you remember what happened?"

"Yeah, we were intimate for the first time.  So?"

Joey glared at him, still regaining her breath.  "'We were INTIMATE!  Is that all you can say?"

"What do you want me to say Jo?"

"This is the day that you proposed…the day we MADE LOVE for the first time!  And you're telling me that it's just another day!"  Joey was crying now.  "SCREW YOU PACEY!"

"It appears that someone else has been doing that for me," he retorted.

Joey blanched, her eyes widening in anger.

"NO YOU IDIOT," Pacey yelled, running over to him and getting in his face.  "DON'T SAY THAT!  TAKE IT BACK!"

Joey's fist went through Pacey and connected with his younger self's eye.  SMACK!  He fell against the couch, stunned.

"How dare you say that to me," she fumed, staring at him, her eyes furious.  "I came home early to surprise you and have this all ready…but you didn't show up.  You didn't call.  You didn’t leave a note…anything.  I've been here for FOUR HOURS PACEY!  WAITING ON YOU TO REMEMBER WHAT DAY IT IS!  And you've been at the office not even realizing that I was here waiting on you to come home!"  She paused, running a hand through her hair, wiping furiously at the tears on her cheeks.  "Ben came by to get the portfolio and saw that I was upset.  I told him that today was a special day to me and that you weren't here to share it with me and he offered a shoulder to cry on and gave me hug.  THAT'S IT AND THAT'S ALL!"

He was looking at her strangely.  He'd forgotten.

"All you seem to care about lately is money Pacey," she continued.  It's been like that for the last two years since the business really took off.  WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO OPEN YOUR EYES AND SEE THAT I’M STILL STANDING HERE?"

He said nothing.

"I've waited and waited and waited for you to say 'let's set a date Jo'.  Let's get married.  Damn work for a week.  Let's get married and go to Hawaii or somewhere…anywhere!  But you haven't.  It's like I don't exist to you anymore."

"I have to make money Jo.  We have to live."

"We're doing fine Pacey!  I'm selling paintings and the business is wonderful.  Why won't you put it on the backburner and put us first?"

"I can't," he told her.

"NO," Pacey yelled, waving a hand in front of his eyes.  "DON'T SAY IT!  TAKE IT BACK!"

All life left Joey's eyes and she visibly slumped.  For what seemed like eons she didn't say a word.  Finally she sighed and with a shaky hand, reached up and pulled her engagement ring off her finger.  He looked into her eyes, stunned.

"What are you doing Jo?"

"What I should have done a long time ago," she said softly, her voice full of pain.  Opening his hand, she placed the ring inside of it and closed his fingers around it.  "I release you Pacey.  It's obvious that I'm not what's important to you anymore."

Pacey watched as Joey got her coat and put it on.

"I'll come back tomorrow when you're gone and get my stuff.  I'll leave the key on the counter."  She paused, hoping that he would say something.  He didn't.  All he did was sit there and stare at his hand.  Joey couldn't take it anymore and ran out the door.

Pacey stared at the open door.  "GO AFTER HER YOU PRICK!"

"He can't hear you Pacey," Lillian reminded him.

"FUCK THIS," he yelled, running out the door himself.  "JOEY!  JOEY!  COME BACK!"  He saw her as she got into the elevator and the doors closed and without thinking he jumped through the metal into the elevator with her.  She was leaning against the wall, tears streaming down her face.  "J-just take a deep breath Joey.  Just take a deep breath.  Take a deep breath," she repeated over and over again, her shaking hands covering her face.

Pacey gazed at her, realizing that he was crying again.  He tried to pull her into his arms but his hands only went through her.  But, Pacey could swear that he could feel the pain that was emanating from her.  "Oh God Jo," he whispered.  "What have I done?"

"You were the tough man," Lillian said, suddenly standing next to him.  "You thought money was more important and you actually thought that she was sleeping with someone else.  How could you have thought that?"

Pacey glared at her as the elevator stopped and Joey ran out.  "Why?"

 Lillian sighed.  "Pacey, this is your past.  Everything you have seen are events that you yourself have lived.  Whatever has happened…you brought it on yourself."

Pacey glared at her.  "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that you're so unhappy now because you got your priorities all mixed up," Lillian retorted, tired of being calm and sympathetic with him.  "You let the best thing that ever happen to you walk out of your life.  And you didn't even try to stop her."

"I know that."

"How about what could have been," she replied, waving her wand and they were transported to present day.  They were on the snow covered front lawn of the B&B and Pacey gasped at what he saw.

He was standing with Joey, their arms wrapped around each other, watching as a young girl built a snowman.

"MOM!  DAD!  What do you think?"

"It looks great Katherine," Joey responded.

"Perfect Witter model," Pacey agreed.

The girl grinned.

"Aww, look Pace.  She didn't even try to use a shoe."

"Funny.  Real funny," he said, kissing her nose.

"Oh…I love you Witter."

"I love you Jo."

Pacey stared, his mouth open.  "Why are you showing me this?  To torture me?  All you've done is torture me!"

Lillian shook her head.  "Pacey, you've tortured yourself."

Pacey stared at the family in front of them, silent for a long while.  "Mrs. Potter, what happened to Joey," he finally asked.

"Like you care."

"I do!  Please, tell me what happened to Joey."

Lillian sighed and waved her wand.  They were still in the same place but Joey was alone on the lawn.

"Where's her husband," he asked.  "I thought she got married."

"And how would you know that?"

"Doug told me when he called."

"Ben's not here."

"SHE MARRIED BEN?!"

"Yes.  And it was a complete disaster."

"What happened?"

"You don't want to know.  You let her out of your life years ago."

"Mrs. Potter…please."

Lillian looked at him closely and finally nodded.  "She fell apart Pacey.  Leaving you broke her.  She's not the same person she once was.  Look at her."

Pacey turned back to look at Joey and saw how sad she looked, how vulnerable…how alone.  "Why's she so upset?"

"She still loves you."

"What," Pacey asked, scarcely believing Lillian's words.

"She does.  And she knew it and so did Ben.  Their marriage was a disaster.  She tried, bless her, she tried.  But it could never be what it was with you."

Pacey walked over to where Joey stood on the lawn and got as close as he could to her, and he could again swear that he could smell her.  "Jo."

Joey looked up at the night sky, a silent tear falling down her cheek.

Pacey tried to brush it away but he couldn't.  He wasn't allowed to touch her anymore.  "Jo…I'm sorry."

"Do you think that's going to fix it Pacey?"

Pacey shook his head.  "No."

Joey threw back her head and let out an anguished scream, sobs escaping her lips as her shoulders began to shake and she slumped to the snow, crying.

Pacey couldn't stand another minute.  He turned to Lillian.  "I can't take anymore of this.  Take me back!  I don't want to see anymore!"

"These are only shadows of the past Pacey.  You can't change them and neither can I."

"I don't care!  Take me back.  I don't want to see anymore." He dropped to his knees in the sand and buried his face in her dress.  "Please…I don't want to see anymore.  Don't torture me anymore.  Please."

 Pacey opened his eyes to find himself in the middle of his floor in his bedroom.  "What the hell?"  Tears were streaming down his face and he angrily wiped them away.  "It was just a dream.  You're crying over a damn dream!  Get a grip on yourself Witter!"  He climbed back into bed and pulled the covers around him.  "Ghosts coming to haunt me!  The only ghosts I'm getting are those in my sleep."  He closed his eyes and tried to drift back to sleep but he found that it was much harder than it had been the first time.  He kept seeing her face in his mind's eye.  "GO AWAY!"  He wrenched his eyes shut and forced the image out of his head.  "I just gotta sleep.  That's all I need.  I just need to sleep."  When he finally managed to doze off the clock on the bedside table read 1:45.