Pacey checked the time on his computer, leaning back in his chair as he rolled it away from his desk. He had hoped to be able to stop by the house and see Megan before she went to sleep, but for the third night in a row he had been stuck late at work finishing up proposals and contracts. He glanced at the phone as he chewed thoughtfully on his lower lip, but decided against calling when he imagined Joey was probably in the middle of trying to get her to bed. He stood up and stretched his arms as he walked out into the hallway to the water cooler.

The office was deserted, the distant hum of a vacuum cleaner signaling the arrival of the nighttime cleaning crew on some other floor. He was about to turn back to continue his paperwork when he heard the hushed tones of someone speaking. Glancing around the corner, he saw Sharon hanging up the phone at her desk, her forehead wrinkled in concern.

“Hey.” He greeted her softly as he approached, drinking from the paper cup. “I didn’t know you were still here, too. Is everything okay?”

Sharon looked up and nodded with a small smile. “Yeah, thanks.” She took off her glasses as she ran her hand through her hair. “That was actually my brother on the phone. He’s going through a kind of a rough time. He got laid off this summer and now the holidays are here and he still hasn’t found a job. His headhunters are telling him to not even bother until after the beginning of the year, since no one is hiring now.” She raised her eyebrows. “I really take it for granted, you know, working here, but it’s really bad out there. I assume I have such security in my job, but then I think about other companies like ours that end up folding overnight, like that big one last year…what was the name of that one?” She tilted her head thoughtfully.

“Metropolitan?” Pacey offered as he dropped into the chair next to her desk. “Yeah, it sucked.”

“That’s where you used to work?” Sharon’s eyes widened in surprise.

“Do you even know me at all?”

Sharon couldn’t help but laugh as she shook her head at him, and then she became serious again. “I heard they couldn’t even offer severance packages. Is that true?”

“Well, let’s just say they might as well not have.” Pacey chuckled, tossing his empty cup in her trash barrel from where he sat. “So, yeah, that was interesting. Losing my job with a wife in college full time, a daughter to support, two car payments, a mortgage and a dog.”

“That’s awful.” Sharon shook her head sympathetically. “How long were you out of work?”

“Six months.” Pacey sighed tiredly, rubbing his eye. “And we didn’t exactly have a huge nest egg to fall back on. I didn’t have great insurance when Megan was first born, just enough to cover the basics, and she wasn’t what’d you’d call your basic baby, so we were still dealing with old hospital bills as of her third birthday.” He dropped his head with a faint smile. “We joked that we’d finally paid her off and she was ours to keep.” He looked back at Sharon and shrugged. “I actually thought I might lose our house at one point.”

“But you didn’t, right?”

“Nope.” Pacey gave her a small smile as he stood up to go back to his office. “Still have the house. Just don’t live in it anymore.”

Joey slipped into the classroom as she checked her watch, amazed that she was actually on time for once. Even if she got Megan off to school with no problems, there was still traffic to contend with on her drive to the train station and then, of course, her fate was in the hands of the MBTA. It was a rare occurrence for everything to run so smoothly in her morning schedule. She sat down at a desk and glanced around the room as she pulled her books out of her bag. She hesitated when her gaze fell on Kevin, sitting with his back to her near the windows and leaning in to whisper into some girl’s ear. The girl giggled, playfully pushing him away.

Joey opened her book, resting her chin in her hand and bowing her head to read with a small smirk on her face. She supposed that what she should be feeling right now was a tinge of jealousy, but she just didn’t seem to have the energy to bother mustering any up.

The professor entered the classroom momentarily, greeting the class in a booming voice as he closed the door. Kevin turned around to face forward, noticing Joey sitting behind him for the first time.

“Uh, oh, hey, Joey.” He grinned sheepishly. “How’s it going?”

“Good.” She smiled and nodded politely, pulling out a pen and focusing her attention on the professor as he began passing the exam booklets out from the front of the class.

She ignored his fleeting glances and attempts to catch her eye as she concentrated on her exam, and didn’t bother to acknowledge him when she finally finished and rose from her seat to drop it off on the professor’s desk. Picking up her book bag to throw it over her shoulder, she turned to leave the room.

“Joey, hey…hold on.” Kevin joined her side as she exited the classroom. “I’ve, ah, been meaning to call you but…”

“But?” Joey raised her eyebrows, cutting him off as she walked. “There’s no need to explain, Kevin. Don’t worry about it.”

“Well, you haven’t exactly made any efforts to contact me either.”

“You’re right.” Joey stopped to look at him. “So, I guess there’s no need to drag this out or make it awkward. We both know this wasn’t anything serious so let’s just say we had fun while it lasted.”

Kevin looked back at her, slightly dumbfounded. “Um, okay then.” He replied uncertainly. “Have a nice holiday break, I guess.”

“You, too.” Joey nodded as she turned to walk away.

Megan sat on the kitchen counter, kicking her legs to drum her feet against the cabinet as Pacey stood over the stove.

“I talked to Uncle Dawson on the phone last night.”

“Oh yeah?” Pacey adjusted the temperature on the burner, turning to face her. “Is he coming to visit for Christmas?”

“Yeah, I guess.” Megan made a face as she watched the water start to boil in the pot.

“What’s that face for?”

“I don’t like when he comes to visit. Especially when we have to go see Lily.”

“Now, that’s not very nice.” Pacey frowned. “I thought you liked Lily?”

“She’s always bragging. She thinks she’s so great.” Megan rolled her eyes, leaning towards Pacey to lower her voice conspiratorially as she shook her head. “And she’s really not, Dad.” She sat back on the counter to kick her legs again. “And then last time Uncle Dawson was here he tried to play baseball with me in the backyard and he told me I wasn’t supposed to run the bases unless I hit the ball.”

“Hmm. Yeah, well, not a lot of people are familiar with the special rules of Witter backyard baseball, sweetie.”

“Then he heard me talking to Mommy about my story and asked me if the prince in it slays dragons!” Her voice rose in horror.

“I also don’t think a lot of people probably know that our prince is an animal rights activist.” Pacey nodded thoughtfully. “So, you can’t really blame him for that, Meg.” Pacey paused and sighed. “Uncle Dawson is a good friend to your Mom. She likes it when he comes to visit so you should be happy for her. You only have to see him and Lily a couple of times a year, so just try to be nice, okay?” He met her eyes. “For me?”

“Okay, Dad.” She sighed dejectedly, dropping her head.

Pacey looked over to watch her with a small smile. “Besides, sweetie, we all know Lily is just jealous because you blew everyone away in your dance recital last year.”

Megan looked up with a sad smirk. “Mommy says I might not be able to take ballet this year.”

“What?” Pacey frowned. “Why?”

Before she could answer they heard the front door open and Joey appeared in the kitchen a moment later, her cheeks pink from the cold. “Hey.” She said breathlessly, looking slightly surprised to see them there as she dumped her book bag onto the counter next to Megan and leaned over to give her a kiss. “I didn’t know you guys would still be here. Is Daddy making you dinner?”

“Yep. Macaroni and cheese.” Megan grinned.

“Wow.” Joey met Pacey’s eyes briefly with a smile. “That’s one of Daddy’s specialties.”

Pacey grinned, turning back to the stove. “Will you be joining us?”

“No, I can’t.” Joey shook her head. “I’m going to be late for work if I don’t hurry. I can grab something there.”

Pacey glanced at her over his shoulder as he stirred the macaroni in the pot. “It seems like you’re working a lot lately. Didn’t you have exams this week, too?”

Joey frowned at him as she shrugged her shoulders, an irritated edge to her voice. “Yeah, so?”

When they had originally sat down to negotiate the stipulations of the divorce, Pacey didn’t want her to have to worry about working when she was so close to finishing her degree, even saying that they could figure something else out once she graduated, but Joey decided to reduce her class load and take on more hours as a waitress. Pacey still paid the mortgage as part of their child support arrangement, but Joey told him it wasn’t fair that he should have to be responsible for other household expenses as well. She insisted that she could take care of everything else if she just increased her shifts at the restaurant, and Anne was always more than willing to watch Megan next door whenever Pacey couldn’t take her. Pacey got the impression lately, however, that she was overextending herself, as his main concern had always been that she got to finish school, but every time he tried to broach the subject with her, she became defensive.

He sighed, turning back to his cooking. “Meg just wanted to wait here to see you when you got home. We’re going back to my place after this, so I’ll just have them back here Sunday afternoon, okay?” Scupper, as always, accompanied Megan on her weekends with Pacey.

“Okay.” Joey nodded, the annoyed tone disappearing from her voice. “I’m working the brunch shift Sunday so I should be home by 4:00.” She leaned over to give Megan another kiss. “Have a fun weekend, honey. Listen to Daddy and be good.” She reached over to give her a quick hug, lowering her voice softly. “I love you.”

Pacey closed his eyes before he glanced over his shoulder again to watch her leave the kitchen, his gaze lingering on the door after she disappeared through it.

“C’mere, sweetie.” Pacey suddenly reached for Megan and carried her over to deposit her in a kitchen chair. “Sit right here and don’t go near the stove. I’ll be right back.”

He jogged down the front stairs, catching up with Joey at her car.

“Hey, Jo.” He slowed to a stop as she turned to face him, reaching in his back pocket for his wallet. “I wanted to give you some money for Christmas. I got her some stuff already but…”

“Well, then it’s not necessary to give me any money, Pacey.” Joey replied tiredly, reaching up to rub her forehead.

“Why don’t you just take it?” He sighed, holding out the crisp hundred dollar bills. “Use it for something for Meg?”

Joey looked away, pursing her lips before she looked back at him, reluctantly taking the money from his hand as she dropped her head. “All right. Thank you.” She mumbled, carefully folding the bills before shoving them in her bag. She looked up at him. “We’re going down to stay at the B&B Christmas Eve. She’ll want you to be there to open her presents.”

Pacey nodded. “Okay. I’ll come down first thing in the morning.” He paused. “My mother will want me to bring her by the house at some point.”

“Of course.” Joey nodded.

Their eyes met for a brief moment before Joey dropped her head again, pulling out her car keys. “I have to get to work. I’ll see you on Sunday.”

“Yeah. See ya.” Pacey sighed, watching her get in the car before he turned back to the house.

Pacey heard the crunch of gravel behind him from where he sat on the hood of his car but didn’t bother to turn around at the sound. Scupper lifted his head from where he lay at Pacey’s feet to growl low in his throat.

“I don’t know what it’s like up in Boston, but Capeside has some pretty strict rules about having open containers of alcohol in public.”

He took another swig of his beer before reaching down to pat the dog as he stared out at the cold waters of the harbor. “Merry Christmas to you, too, Dougie.”

“What are you doing here, Pacey? Why aren’t you at the house?”

“Do you even need to ask that question?” Pacey shook his head. “Have you ever met the people who live there?” He glanced over at his brother, appraising his uniform. “And don’t you have any seniority by now to not have to work on Christmas?”

“I volunteered.” Doug shrugged. “Most guys on the force have families.”

“Well, it is a family holiday.” Pacey agreed with barely concealed bitterness.

“Where’s Megan?”

“At the B&B. I was over there with her this morning and I was just on my way back to get her and bring her by to see everyone. I was just stalling for time to give the poor kid a break before I have to ruin her Christmas by taking her over to that nut house.”

“What about Joey?”

Pacey scoffed. “Yeah, right. Like I’d put her through that. Though we could possibly make a holiday drinking game out of how many awkward, embarrassing and inappropriate things Mom could say while she was there.”

Doug nodded thoughtfully. “Speaking of drinking, what possessed you to decide to hide out down at the old boatyard with a beer?”

Pacey rolled his eyes, sighing tiredly as he tossed the half empty can into the trash barrel next to the car. “Don’t start, Dougie.”

“I’m just looking out for you, Pacey. These things can sometimes get away from you.”

“For the last time, I do not have a drinking problem.” Pacey’s voice rose in exasperation. “Jesus, can you give me a break? I was kind of going through a little bit of a rough time there, if you didn’t notice. I wasn’t crashing on your couch, unemployed with a family to support, for the fun of it, you know.”

“Well, it would be a little hard for me to know anything since you did a pretty good job of pushing everyone away who tried to help.”

“Well, it all worked out just fine in the end, didn’t it?” Pacey replied sarcastically.

Doug tilted his head to watch him. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure. Why the hell not?”

“Why did you suddenly change your mind about the divorce? I was really under the impression there for a while that you were looking for a way to work things out with her.”

“Well…” Pacey chuckled, the bitter sarcasm still lacing his words. “My perception was kind of changed once I realized that, while I had been searching for and struggling to find a way to save my marriage, she’d been sleeping with someone else.”

Doug sighed, wincing slightly. “Sorry, little brother. I never knew that.”

“Yeah.” Pacey nodded his head as he gazed at the ground. “I wish I could say the same. But we were separated, I had moved out of the house. No one to blame but myself, right?” He grew quiet as he looked out at the harbor again, squinting at the horizon. “Did you ever stop to wonder,” He began tentatively. “If she would have ever married me if I didn’t get her pregnant?” He dropped his head to look at the ground. “Because I used to wonder about that. All the time.”

Pacey continued on without waiting for Doug to respond, his voice taking on a faraway sound. “Back when we were together in high school, well, things hadn’t been going so great between us for a while. I was driving home late one night and I finally decided it was time to just…let go. The inevitably of our ending was right in front of my face and I finally let myself see it. I decided I was going to break up with her. Just make a clean cut. Quick and painless. So, I got home and there she is. She’d fallen asleep on the couch at the beach house waiting for me. I sat there and just watched her sleeping for a while and all of a sudden this crazy, desperate plea ran through my head, making a deal with a God I’m not even sure I believe in, that if I could just hold on to her…I’d give up everything else in my life.”

Pacey paused briefly. “So, I woke her up and that’s when she told me she was pregnant. That’s why she’d been waiting there for me. So, see…” He chuckled sadly. “It’s really true that you have to be careful what you wish for. Because I got to hold on to her for a little while longer.” He glanced over at Doug. “But she was the one who had to give up everything.”

“Hey, Dawson.” Joey smiled as she threw the door open, giving him a light hug. “Merry Christmas. Come on in.”

Dawson stepped inside the B&B, greeting Bessie and Bodie with a hug and a handshake. He glanced around. “Where’s Megan?”

“Pacey took her over to his parents’ house for a while.” Joey shrugged with a smile. “You just missed them.”

“Well, I was hoping you two might want to come by for some movies tonight. I’m letting Lily make the selections.”

“That sounds good.” Joey nodded absently, glancing out the window. “Is it still warm out?”

“Yeah. Very un-Christmasy, but nice.” Dawson smiled. “What are you doing right now? Would you like to maybe go for a walk?”

“Actually, I’d love to.” Joey grabbed her coat off the hook by the door, calling over her shoulder to Bessie. “I’ll be back in a few.”

“So, how was dinner?” Dawson smiled as they crossed the yard towards the creek.

“Ugh. All I had was Christmas cookies all day. I think I’m still full from the spread your mother put out at their party last night.” Joey groaned, playfully holding her stomach.

Dawson smiled. “They were so thrilled to see you. My mother hasn’t stopped talking about you all day. How you’re working and going to school and raising Megan all by yourself.”

Joey frowned, narrowing her eyes as she slowed to a stop. “I wouldn’t exactly say I’m raising Megan all by myself, Dawson. Pacey is more than involved in her life.”

“Oh, yeah. I know.” Dawson nodded his head reassuringly. “She just meant as far as you two living on your own.”

Joey continued walking, the frown still playing around the corners of her mouth.

Dawson watched her for a minute. “Megan is such a well-adjusted little kid, but I would imagine the holidays have to be kind of tough on her, huh?”

Joey shrugged. “This one was easier than last year. Pacey made sure he was at the B&B bright and early this morning, so she wouldn’t feel like he wasn’t a part of it. And he, of course, went completely overboard with presents.” Joey smiled finally. “He wanted to make up for last year and I don’t think Megan even remembers…” He voiced drifted off.

“It seems like Pacey is doing well in his career now.” Dawson offered gently.

“He is.” Joey agreed. “And it wasn’t like it was his fault he lost his job. Although, of course, he made it about him.” She sighed wearily, looking away. She glanced at Dawson. “You know, one of our first really big fights was over that money you offered us when we got married. I thought Pacey was just being too proud and stubborn not to take it, and told him he should think of the baby. He told me that everything would work out fine, that he could do it himself and that all I had to do was promise to always to believe in him and he’d always take care of us.” Her voice caught on her tears. “I know he thinks I broke that promise…but I never did.” She stopped to wipe at her eyes.

Dawson sighed, watching her. “I’m sorry, Joey. I shouldn’t have brought this up.” He hesitated before he wrapped his arms around her.

Joey lost herself in the hug for a minute, the familiar comfort of her life-long friend breaking down her defenses to open the floodgate of her tears. “Dawson, I’ve made such horrible mistakes in my life.” She sobbed against his shoulder.

“I know, Joey. It’s okay. It’s all behind you now.” He patted her back as he lowered his voice. “I’ve been wanting to talk to you about something. I’ve been thinking about you finishing school in May and…I think you and Megan should come out to California after that.”

Joey froze, taking a step back away from him to look at him with wide, disbelieving eyes. “Wh-what?” She asked in a shaky voice. “What did you just say?”

“Joey, don’t you see?” Dawson sighed. “Your divorce is final and you’re free to live your own life now. The life you should have always had. The life you gave up to marry Pacey.”

“The divorce was the mistake, Dawson.” She stepped back even further from him, staring at him as if he were a stranger now. “I’m trying to say I made a mistake in thinking I wanted this divorce. And I have a life here. Megan is my life.”

Joey shook her head slowly, bringing her hands to her forehead. “You know, you call yourself my friend, yet I sometimes I felt like you were just sitting there on the sidelines waiting this to blow up in my face so you could say I told you so. That you were waiting for my marriage to Pacey to end, maybe even hoping that it did.” She looked up at him, her wet eyes flashing in anger.

Dawson raised his heavy eyebrows. “That’s not fair. How can you say that? I’ve always been here for you, Joey. I always only wanted your happiness and what was best for you.”

“Well, don’t you see that isn’t how it turned out, Dawson?” Her voice rose as she threw her hands in the air helplessly. “Can’t you see how miserable I am? Don’t you get that maybe what you thought would be best turned out to be the worst thing that ever happened to me?”

Her voice trembled with her sobs as she struggled to continue. “I used to look at my life and think ‘why me?’…but not for the reasons that you might think. I would look around me, at my beautiful baby girl, everything I had with Pacey, and think ‘why me?” She dropped her head as she lost her battle with her tears. “What did I ever do to be so lucky?”

Joey rubbed her eyes as she shuffled down the hall to where Megan was already tucked into bed, holding her small hands up above her head to admire her sparkling lavender fingernails. “Auntie Gretchen is cool, Mommy.”

“Yeah, she is.” Joey smiled in amusement at the manicure on her six year old as she leaned over her. “Now give me a kiss goodnight.”

“What about a story?”

“Oh, Megan, we had a long couple of days at Aunt Bessie’s. Mommy is really tired.”

Megan pouted. “Just a little one? Please?”

Joey sighed, dropping her head in defeat as she wrapped her robe around herself and settled next to Megan on top of the comforter. “Okay. A little one.”

Joey continued the story from where they had last left off, stealing glances every so often at Megan, hoping to catch her drifting off. Finally the little girl’s dark eyelashes started to flutter.

“So, the warlock trapped the prince in the Tower of Trigonometry while the princess was hiding in the bushes. And she was very sad because the tower was very high and surrounded by a moat filled with giant, slimy snails. She didn’t know what she was going to do.” Joey whispered the last words as she started to slowly ease off the bed.

Megan looked up, her wide blue eyes flying open. “That’s it? She’s not going to save him?”

Joey stifled a groan, her escape attempt to her waiting bed thwarted. “The tower is very, very high. And the moat is very, very deep, honey. We’ll have to see what happens next time.”

Megan frowned, crossing her arms across her chest. “All the times the prince has saved her and she doesn’t even try? The princess always wants to make it look like she’s not scared and that she can do anything the prince can do, and all she would have to do is save him now and the prince would see that.”