“Joey.”

She turns from the station wagon she’s trying to unlock, surprised to see me.  “Hi,” she greets me.

“Hi,” I say, offering her a quick smile.  She’s beautiful as she smiles back, seemingly pleased to see me. “Listen, I was hoping to catch you alone.  I wanted to talk to you.”

She nods, her smile taking on a hint of apprehension.  “What is it, Dawson?”

“I wanted to talk to you about Pacey.”

“I figured that much,” she sighs, but it’s not said with any real heat.  “You stormed out of my house so quickly last night, you left your coat.  I brought it with me, I gave it to Gale.”

“Yeah . . . “  I trail off, looking at the ground.  “Thanks.”

“Dawson, listen . . . I know it’s still hard for you to accept that I’m with Pacey,” she begins, reaching up to sweep an escaping tendril behind her ear.  “But it means a lot to me that you’ve been trying.  I realize that listening to us talk about our future together wasn‘t easy for you.”

“No, it wasn’t,” I agree after attempting to swallow the growing lump in my throat.  “And about these plans of yours . . . “

“Yes?” she prompts me, her tone growing wary. 

Recklessly, I just put it out there.  “He’s going to ruin your life.”

Her mouth drops open slightly, and she’s more stunned than I thought she’d be.  “Wh . . .what?”

“He’s going to ruin your life,” I repeat.  Plunging ahead, I tell her, “You have an incredible future ahead of you, Jo, but not if you let yourself be tied to him.”

“I’m not tied to him,” she argues, her smile tightening slightly.  “I . . . I love him, Dawson.”

This isn’t going the way I’d hoped.  “I know you think you’re in love with him, but -”

“I know.”

“Jo - “

“I know I love him, Dawson,” she reiterates clearly, and I can tell she‘s getting a little angry.  “And he’s not going to ruin my life.”

“Listen to me, Joey,” I begin.  “You’re intelligent and you’re hard working.  Gifted.  You can go anywhere, be anything you want to be in life.”

“I’m well aware of the paths open to me, Dawson,” she snaps, her smile slipping completely. 

“And what are Pacey’s options?” I question her.  “He’s an underachieving slacker who personifies the phrase ‘not living up to your potential’.  What could he offer you besides baby after screaming baby, insurmountable debt, and a lifetime of wondering what could have been?”

Her brows knitting in frustration, it’s her turn to take a deep breath.  “If that’s what you truly believe, then I feel so very sorry for you, Dawson.”

Now I’m the one with difficulty understanding.  “What?”

“If you believe that Pacey is nothing more than an “underachieving slacker” with nothing to offer anyone, then you’ve severely underestimated the man you claimed to be your best friend for the better part of your life.  You’ve missed out on so much by overlooking who he really is,” she tells me, her voice shaking slightly.  “And that makes me feel sorry for you.”

“I didn’t miss out on the backstabbing aspect of his personality.  I didn’t miss out on the lying,” I remind her coldly.  “And I never overlooked his propensity for winding up with something he never deserves.”

Dawning realization spreads over her face and she laughs, the sound grating and bitter.  “That’s what this is about, isn’t it?  Pacey having what you obviously still see as your own possession:  me.“

“I’m worried about you and your future.  That’s what this is about,” I say, the words faltering only slightly without the benefit of truth backing them up.

She snorts derisively, shaking her head.  “You’re not worried about my future.  You’re not worried that I might not achieve the goals I’ve set for myself.  You’re worried because for some reason, it’s starting to become clear to you that I intend to be with him for the rest of my life.”

“You’re seventeen years old, Joey!” I remind her, my tone incredulous.  “How can you seriously talk about spending the rest of your life with anyone, let alone Pacey?”

“That sounds just a little hypocritical coming from you of all people, Dawson,” she shoots back, her eyes narrowing. 

“You’re right.  I’m sorry, I’d forgotten for a while there that you and I, we’re soul mates,” I say, my tone dripping with sarcasm.  “Look how well that turned out.”

Folding her arms across her chest, her expression hardens further as she asks, “Have you just been pretending this whole time?”

“Pretending about what?”

“About being my friend.  About rebuilding your broken friendship with Pacey,” she says, speaking to me as if I’m mentally unable to follow along. 

“Listen, Joey, it’s not like -”

She interrupts me, coldly demanding, “Have you just been pretending to accept the fact that we’re together?”

“Yes!  Yes, god damn it!” I shout.  “How could you imagine that I’d give up on you like that?  Give up on us?”

She looks absolutely stunned and ridiculously small, wrapped up in Pacey’s tuxedo jacket.  Finding her tongue after a moment, she says, “There is no us, Dawson.”

“At the moment, no.”

“At the moment, the next moment, and the moment after that,” she yells, exasperated.  “There will never be an us, Dawson!  Never again.”

She’s not listening to me.  She doesn’t want to acknowledge the truth of what she’s hearing.  Taking yet another deep breath, I attempt to calm myself before continuing.  “I know that you’re deeply involved with Pacey, that you’re committed to him.  I know that.”

“But you’re of the opinion that I shouldn’t be, is that it?” she asks sarcastically, rolling her eyes.

“It’s the truth.  You shouldn‘t be with him, Joey,” I tell her, trying to keep my anger and frustration out of my voice.  Maybe she’ll listen if I don’t sound so angry. 

“Do you hear yourself, Dawson?” she asks, shaking her head in disbelief. 

“I know this sounds like it’s coming out of the blue, Jo, but I know in my heart you’ve known all along that I’ve been biding my time,” I say, trying to clench down on the anger welling up inside.  Yelling at her will accomplish nothing.  “Remember on the dock the day of my parents’ wedding, the day you left me? I told you it would be a colossal mistake, being with him, but I knew that you had to find that out for yourself.  So I let you go, Jo.  I let you go so you could see for yourself that being with anyone other than me would never feel right to you.  But it‘s taken you longer than I ever thought it would for you to realize how wrong it is, being with him.”

“I cannot believe what I’m hearing,” she says with a disbelieving little laugh.  “I just . . .  Dawson.  God.  Being with Pacey, loving Pacey . . . I’ve never felt anything more right.”

If she’s trying to hurt me, she’s succeeding.  “Joey, do you honestly believe that the two of you are going to work out in the long run?  That this is the best decision?”

She doesn’t hesitate a beat, her gaze never wavers.  “Yes.  I’m in love with him, Dawson, and he’s in love with me.  You make it sound as though I’m “letting” Pacey come with me after graduation, but I have to tell you that you’re wrong.  There were only a few moments spent considering going away without him.  When I felt my throat close up and I nearly stopped breathing, however, my choice was made for me.  I can‘t be without him, Dawson.  I love him.”

She turns away from me then, back toward the station wagon.  Her hand fumbles inside his jacket pocket, searching for the keys.  My heart actually hurts in my chest, the truth of her words ringing in the air between us.

To her back I say, “You’re naive if you think the two of you are going to make it.  He’s going to eventually tire of the sex and find another damsel in distress to rescue, and you’re going to wake up one day and realize just what you’ve given up.”

She stills, her posture stiffening.  Her voice is calm, polite even when she says, “Excuse me?”

“I went back to get my coat last night, Jo.   I thought it would be rude of me to interrupt you while you were busy fucking him and all, so thanks for bringing it with you tonight.  I appreciate it,” I say, my tone matching her own.  Even though the cold has numbed my extremities, I’m sweating profusely and it feels as though I’m burning up.  “Remember when the two of you stood on my doorstep and Pacey told me that ‘this has nothing to do with sex‘?  Just wondering, Jo, how long were you with him before he had you on your knees?”

Slowly she turns to face me and my Joey is lost to me forever, replaced by this woman standing before me with cold eyes and a bitter smile.  I know I’ve gone too far and I’ll never reach her now.  I hurt too much to care.

“What bothers you more, Dawson?” she asks, her voice soft and lilting.  “The fact that I’m in love with him specifically?  Or the fact that I’m happy in a relationship with someone other than you?”

Everything inside me is screaming to hurt her just as much as she’s hurting me.  My palm rears back and without thinking, I let it fly.