Around Joey Potter, conversation flowed easily in the darkened living room of the Potter Bed & Breakfast, the glow of the television illuminating the faces of her closest friends as they watched her favorite movie, E.T.

Her gaze rested briefly on Andie McPhee.  Beautiful, blonde, and mentally troubled, the perky 17 year old would start at Harvard in two weeks.  Having attained her dream of academic success, she was deliriously giddy with anticipation of attending college in an Ivy League school.  While never especially close,  Joey knew she’d miss her.

When Andie threw a piece of popcorn to her brother, Jack, Joey’s eyes followed, and she smiled at the 18 year old sprawled on the sofa.  Her gorgeous, gay ex-boyfriend had taught her so many lessons, about life, acceptance, and love.  He’d been recruited to Notre Dame on a football scholarship, where he hoped to take pre-law, his goal being civil defense.  She was so proud of how he’d grown as a person, and knew he was a man the world would follow in the news.  He tickled the girl who shared the couch with him, his best friend, Jen Lindley.

Jen had been accepted to the New York University, where she’d be taking pre-med.  Fittingly, the 17 year old planned on being a psychiatrist.  Joey knew she’d make an excellent one, from personal experience alone.  When she’d been going through extreme emotional turmoil and needed someone to listen to her, Jen had been there, patient and understanding.  Their senior year they’d been especially close, and she’d been a blessing to Joey.  Jen caught her smiling sadly at her and offered her a smile in return.  The moment between the two friends was broken when Dawson Leery reached up from where he was sitting on the floor and took Jen’s bowl of popcorn and she smacked him on the hand..

Dawson Leery.  Not surprisingly, he was going out to Los Angeles and film school.  Joey wished the best for him, but hoped the city wouldn’t eat the naive 18 year old alive. Their relationship had undergone massive changes over the past two years.  She’d grown up in love with him, and when he finally realized his own feelings for her they’d gotten together only to break up shortly thereafter.  They’d gotten together and broken up again and they’d tried to go back to being just friends.  The two had drifted from each other over Junior year, but Dawson had made sure she wasn’t alone, without support.  He’d enlisted his best friend, Pacey Witter, to look after her and be her friend. 

All throughout their childhood, Pacey had antagonized her, picked on her, made fun of her and basically annoyed her to no end.  He’d grown up to be the man who still picked on her, still antagonized her, but also the man who beat the shit out of the bully who had defaced her mural, the man who had bought her a wall in the middle of town to paint on.  The man who had fallen in love with her, kicking and screaming the whole way down.  The man who’d forced her to realize that she loved him, too.

Despite the fact that he’d slacked off more than half of his high school career, Pacey had managed to graduate with a decent cumulative g.p.a., and was going to C3, Capeside Community College.  He’d be working on one of the fishing boats to pay for it, because his parents weren’t helping him at all.  More than likely, he’d throw himself into the labor, to take his mind off her leaving.

He was sitting in one of the armchairs, and Joey sat on a cushion on the floor, her limbs wrapped around one of his legs, and her head resting against the outside of his thigh.  Joey knew she was being extra clingy, but she didn’t care.  As they watched the movie, he stroked her hair softly.

Pacey Witter sighed as his girlfriend hugged his leg a little tighter, her cheek pressing against his thigh.  These last few days, she’d barely let him out of her sight, and they’d spent their nights aboard his boat, True Love.  He’d touched her as often as he could, his hands a little desperate as they loved her body.  Tonight was her last night in Capeside.  Hell, in America.  Tomorrow, she’d be boarding a plane to England.

All Joey’s life, all she’d wanted was to get the hell out of Dodge.  Her family was quite literally from the wrong side of the creek, and the Potters had been embroiled in one scandal after another.  Her older sister Bessie had been a wild child all through highschool, landing drunk in jail more times than could be counted.  Their mother had been diagnosed with breast cancer, and their father, Mike, had left her for a younger woman.  After Lily Potter had died, Mike had been busted for drug trafficking, coincidentally by Pacey’s own father, Sheriff John Witter.  Bessie had been made Joey’s legal guardian, and she lived with Bessie and Bodie and their mixed race child, Alex.

Joey had scrambled and chased after every single scholarship that passed her way, and she’d hit the jackpot of a lifetime near the end of their senior year.

Every year, the Andrews School of Art granted one underpriveledged American student a full-ride scholarship, The Joanne McMillan Memorial Scholarship.  Joey had applied to it and submitted her work, never believing she’d receive the scholarship.

But she had, and tomorrow, she’d be gone.

Her slender, delicate little fingers toyed with his shoelace, and Pacey’s heart cracked a little wider, a little deeper, knowing that tonight it was going to break completely.

Andie and Jack were the first to leave.  They were going to visit their mother in Providence and had to leave early in the morning.

Joey stood by the door with them and hugged Andie close.  “You’re going to do wonderfully at Harvard, Andie.”

Andie held her tightly and said, “I hope so.  And while I know you’ll do great in London, I know it’s going to be horribly hard for you.”

“I know,” she said, releasing Andie, the two girls sharing a knowing look.

Jack bear hugged her then, squeezing her tight.  “I’m going to miss you, Joey.”

Joey smiled, squeezing him back.  “I’ll email you so often, you’ll be sick of me, Jack.”

“Tell me all about the English boys,” Jack said, wiggling his eyebrows. 

Joey laughed, holding his hands.  “That’s going to be hard, because I don’t notice boys.”

“Nice answer, Potter,” Pacey piped up from where he sat, watching.

Jack kissed her cheek and Joey released his hands.  “Oh, go before I cry, both of you!”

The McPhees hugged her again and left, wishing her luck.

Joey sighed, and turned back toward the living room, making a huge effort to smile and failing miserably.  “So, what are we going to watch next?”

Jen glanced at Dawson before saying, “We’re gonna go ahead and go, Joey.”

“You don’t have to go,” Joey said.  They’d gotten five movies from Screen Play, and only watched three.

“You two need some time alone,” Dawson said, getting to his feet.

Joey glanced at Pacey, who’s eyes were unreadable in the glow cast by the television.  “Yeah . . . “ she said, trailing off.

Jen reached out to hug her and Joey pulled the blonde tight against her.  “You’ve done so much for me, Jen.  I’m so sorry we only managed to become friends this past year or so.”

“Better late than never, okay?” Jen said, pulling back from the embrace.  “Joey, you can call me any time, day or night, I don’t care.  Being without him is going to hurt like hell and you’re going to want to talk.  And hey, we could consider it practice for future therapy sessions.”

Teary eyed, Joey nodded.  “Yours or mine?”

Jen let her go then and moved toward the door, leaving Dawson to say his goodbyes. 

Dawson took her hands in his and looked down at the woman he still believed was his soulmate, the woman who believed he wasn’t hers, and spoke from his heart.  “I always knew you’d get out of Capeside, Jo.  I just never dreamed you’d go so far.”

“You and me both, Dawson.”

He moved to hug her then, gingerely, and she embraced him fully.  “I’m going to miss you,” she said.

“You too, Joey.  Don’t be afraid to call.”

“I won’t.  Collect, of course,” she smiled, a few tears falling on her cheeks.

“Of course,” he said, returning her smile.  Who knew they could be so blase about something as monumental as her leaving the US for the next four years?

She shut the door behind him after one last hug, rested her forehead against it for a moment before turning back to her last guest, the guest she never wanted to leave.

“So . . . “ she said, pasting a smile on her face and moving to clean up the popcorn bowls and the dirty glasses.  “Which movie do you want to watch?”

Pacey watched her quietly as she bustled cheerfully back and forth between the living room and the kitchen, cleaning up the mess from their little party.

She was reaching for a soda glass, her hand trembling, when he said, “Stop.”

“What?”

“Just stop, okay?  Stop acting so damned happy when I know you’re not.”

Joey set the glass back on the coffee table.  “I’m sorry, Pacey.  I don’t exactly know the etiquette to use when your heart is breaking and you know if you let yourself think about it, you’re going to break down!”

Pacey jumped to his feet.  “Then break down!  God damn, Joey, don’t put on this act for my benefit.  I know you hurt like hell.  And you know what?  So do I!”

“I wish I’d never gotten this fucking scholarship!  Is that what you want me to say?” she yelled, tears quickly forming in her eyes.  “I wish I could stay here with you but I can’t!”

“I know you can’t, Jo.  I know that!  It’s the opportunity of a lifetime, I understand,” he said, controling his voice. 

Pacey let out a ragged breath, looked at her with tears in his eyes, and her heart broke all over again.  “But knowing that in my head and knowing that in my heart are two different things, Jo.”

“Ask me to stay,” she begged in a voice that broke with emotion, tears spilling from eyes that pleaded for him to ask.

Shutting his own eyes against the onslaught, he rested his forehead against hers and held her as hot tears slid down his face.  “No,” he said hoarsely, and kissed her.

The kiss was soft and liquid and salty with the taste of their mingled tears, and Joey felt an emptiness growing inside her that made her ache for him to ease it. 

“Make love to me, Pacey,” she whispered against his mouth.

He swept her up in his arms then, and she clung to his shoulders as he carried her to her bedroom.  Moonlight covered the room like a soft blanket, and she could see his eyes clearly as he set her on her feet by her bed.

“Pacey - “ she began, but he cut her off.

“No words, Jo,” he told her, and in the silence he began to strip her slowly with hands that shook.

He kissed her as his fingers toyed with the hem of her shirt, and when they broke apart, he pulled it over her head and let it fall to the floor unheeded.  Her skirt quickly followed, leaving her in nothing but her underthings.  Slowly, he slid her panties over her hips and she stepped out of them.  With trembling fingers, he unclasped her bra and let it likewise drop to the floor with the rest of her clothing.

He stared at her as if memorizing her, as if he were painfully aware this was more than likely the last time he would see her body, bared before him.  He cupped her face tenderly, and she made a little noise deep in her throat, nuzzling into his touch, her fingers wrapping around his wrist.

Taking his other hand, she pressed the calloused palm to the valley between her breasts.  Gazing at him with eyes that spoke the volumes of her love, she pressed his hand against her pounding heart.

When she opened her mouth to speak, her full lower lip trembling, he kissed her.  She melted against him, her mouth opening wider, deepening the kiss. 

She unbuttoned his shirt as the kissed, her hands sliding over his chest as she pushed the shirt off his shoulders.  When her fingers trembled too badly to get his belt buckle undone, he gently moved her hands aside and did it himself.

Together, they worked to get him out of his clothes and when he was finally naked, she pulled him down onto her bed with her.

He kissed her slowly, lingeringly, his tongue stroking hers as he settled his weight partially on top of her body.

Her hands clutched the muscles in his shoulders and she tilted her head back to grant him further access to her throat, which he was trailing wet, open-mouthed kisses against.  He moved lower, tasting the skin of her delicate collarbone, listening to the sound of her cry quietly and feeling the beat of her heart.

His mouth found the hardened rosy tip of her breast, and he curled his tongue around her nipple before taking it between his lips and suckling, kneading the weight of her other breast.

When he reached down between them to touch her, he found her already wet.  Slipping his fingers between her slippery folds, he slid them into her tight opening, feeling her inner muscles clench around them.  She let out a breathy gasp, and he bit her nipple gently as he slid his fingers out and pushed them back in just as slowly.

Her hips rose off the bed to meet his hand, and he knew she wouldn’t last much longer.  He continued to finger her, adding a third like he always did, stretching her body and preparing her for his size. 

His thumb swept over her hardened clit and her back arched sharply, thrusting her mound harder against his hand.  Joey threw her head back as she sought release, and he slid his fingers from her throbbing heat when he felt the first spasm of her approaching orgasm.  Moving up to settle his hips in the cradle of her thighs, he guided himself to her opening.

Sliding his arms under her shoulder blades, he held her face in his hands, staring down into the depths of her eyes as he pushed himself into her tight body.  She gasped and raised her knees higher, hugging his waist with her thighs and hooking her ankles in the small of his back. 

She couldn’t break his gaze as he buried himself to the hilt within her body, and the tears that fell from his eyes landed on her face and mingled with her own.

Her hands caressed his back as he began to move, sliding out slowly and pushing back in  even slower, deeper each time.  His thumbs smoothed away her tears as he made love to her, knowing in his heart that he’d never feel worse or better simultaneously as long as he lived.

Joey fought her climax with her heart, her body, with her very soul.  She never wanted this feeling to end, never wanted to be further away from him that she was right then.

Pacey felt her inner muscles tighten around him, and he pushed himself as deep as he could go within her silky grip, remaining still.  Her body throbbed around him, milked him, and he couldn’t have said where he ended and she began.

“I love you, Joey,” he told her in a voice that cracked with pain, and kissed her.  He was crying unabashedly, the tears flowing down his face mixing with her own as he came deep inside her, spilling his warm seed into her womb. 

She broke the kiss and threw her head back, crying out, the gutteral sound a mixture of heartbreaking sorrow and breathtaking ecstacy as she came in his arms, sobbing uncontrollably.

In the pre-dawn light, he laid the letter on the pillow beside her, where he was sure she wouldn’t miss it when she woke.

He sat down gingerly on the edge of the bed, and looked down at her as she lay sleeping, curled up nude.

She’d only fallen asleep within the hour, after he’d held her in his arms all night and rocked her as she cried and cried until she had no more tears left.  Then he’d simply held her.

Leaning down, he kissed her gently on the cheek, whispering his love for her. 

Then Pacey got up and walked to the door, not trusting himself to look back.

Joey knew before she opened her eyes that he was gone.  Turning over and reaching for him anyway, her hand found paper instead.

Blinking blearily against the bright sunshine flooding the room, she sat up, reading the letter.
 

I can’t stay.  I’m sorry.  If I wake up with you, and look at you and see goodbye in your eyes, I won’t be able to let you go.  I know we said this isn’t the end, that we can make it work, but Joey, it’s thousands and thousands of miles of ocean between us, and we can’t surmount that.  I know it.  You know it. 

This is killing me, Jo, and I know I don’t have to tell you that after last night.  I have to leave Capeside.  I can’t live here without you, I can’t live in a town where we’ve made a million memories together everywhere I turn.  And I don’t know if being somewhere else is going to help much, but I’ve got to try.  You’re my everything, Jo, my best friend, my girlfriend, my lover, my heart.  I don’t know how I’m going to function.

While you’re reading this, I’m miles away.  I don’t know where I’m going, but I’ll send word to Doug when I get there.  I’ll never be where you can’t find me, Joey. 

I want you to do something for me.  A few things.  Hold your head up high.  Plaster that gorgeous smile on your face.  Dazzle the Brits, Josephine Potter, and don’t ever forget me.

Joey had to stop reading halfway through, his messy script blurring as her eyes filled with tears.  Her heart pounded painfully in her chest.  I'll never be where you can't find me, she read over and over.

She sat with her sister Bessie and her brother in law, Bodie, in uncomfortable chairs at MASSport, Boston’s Logan International Airport.  They waited for her flight to be called, and Bessie had long ago stopped trying to give last-minute advice, because Joey was busy searching the crowd, looking for Pacey.
“British Air Flight 239, Boston to London, will begin boarding now at Gate Eleven.”

Joey jumped up.  “That’s me.”

Bessie hugged her.  “I’m sorry he didn’t show up,” she said, and Joey closed her eyes and hugged her sister tighter.

“He didn’t say he would, I just . . . hoped, I guess,” Joey said, releasing her. 

“I’m going to miss you, Joey.”

“I’m going to miss you too, Bessie.  I can’t believe it, I’m actually doing this.  It doesn’t seem real,” Joey said, slinging her carry-on bag over her shoulder.

Bodie laughed, putting his arm around her as they walked toward the gate.  “It probably still wont feel real until you step off the plane in Heathrow.”

Standing near the end of the line, Joey said, “I’m going to be in London, Bessie, can you believe it?”

Bessie nodded, and started crying.  Joey dropped her bag and threw her arms around her sister and Bessie held on tight.  “My baby,” she said, stroking Joey’s hair.

“I love you, Bessie,” Joey said, letting go when the line moved ahead.

“Don’t talk to strangers on the street.  Don’t look them in the eye.  Put your purse strap over your head.  Always carry enough money to get a cab home.”

Joey nodded, handing her ticket to the attendant and walking to the opening of the tunnel that would take her to her plane.

She turned then, to wave back at Bessie and Bodie, and he was there.  Standing several feet behind them, his hands shoved in his pockets and love in his eyes.

She stood there as the other passengers pushed past her, locked in his gaze.  Promises and secrets and their shared pain passed between them, and Joey mouthed I love you.  He nodded slowly, and a disgruntled passenger behind her shoved her and she was knocked off balance for a moment. 

When Joey looked back, he was gone.