“Well, that was...”

“Uneventful,” Dawson supplied.  He smiled at Joey, eyebrows quirking as she scrunched her nose disdainfully at the golden tassel swaying back and
forth over her eyes.

“Right,” Joey replied, a small scowl tugging at her lips.  She batted at the tassel with the back of her hand, her frown deepening when it swung back lazily and hit her in the nose.  “I mean, I thought it would be more life altering.  Or less...”  She trailed off, searching for the right words.

“Boring?”  Dawson offered.

She shook her head.  Staring out at the rows of empty white folding chairs, her eyes fell on one chair in particular.  One in the very front row, just right of center.  It was sitting askew from the row.  Turned away from the raised stage, turned away from the podium where she’d given her salutarian speech nearly an hour ago.  Joey didn’t know who had been sitting in it, couldn’t remember, but now the chair caught her eye.  Seemed comforting and sad all at once.  She wondered who had moved it from all the other chairs.

Dawson watched Joey, her expression thoughtful, trained ahead of her, and didn’t need to ask who she was thinking about.  Not in the least.  His handcovered hers gently.  He didn’t squeeze her hand, wouldn’t dream of it.  But he wanted to offer her something.  She turned to him, surprised, and threw him a guilty grin.  “We should probably head over to your house, seeing as your parents are in the process of throwing you a graduation party.  Not much of a party without the graduate in question.” “They might get along better without me.”  He laughed ruefully.

The corner of her lip twitched upwards.  “I’ve had that thought once or twice.”  She rose unsteadily, her legs twinging from a long state of immobility and she stretched her arms out in front of her to regain equilibrium.  “Come on,” she yanked at his arm clumsily, “party time.”He groaned miserably and allowed her to pull him to stand beside her, followed her brisk steps away from the empty chairs.  Dawson stopped dead for an instant, turning for a backwards glance at Capeside High School, before he raced to catch up with Joey, already well on her way to the school parking lot.

“Nice party, huh?”

“Yeah.” Jen nodded.  She turned to the voice and watched as the boy who sat behind her in physics gave her a friendly salute and disappeared back into the crowd.

The Leery house was almost unrecognizable holding the swarm of Capeside High graduates.  The wooden stairwell was covered in discarded blue gowns.  The family room was littered with plastic punch glasses and half empty soda cans.  There were potato chips getting crushed into the rugs.

And Jen stood in the corner.  Watching.  She felt totally detached from it all.  Shoving her hair off her face with one hand, she balanced her own plastic cup on her palm.  She scanned the crowd for a friendly face.  Her eyes met Joey’s and saw the boredom she imagined obvious in her own expression.

Joey raised a hand and tipped her head sideways. “Outside,” she mouthed.

The back porch was as crowded as the house.  A hand curled around her wrist and pulled her towards the dock before she could feel more claustrophobic.

“So, we’re outside.”

Joey laughed.  “Thank god.” She leaned against the rail of the dock and dropped her head backwards, eyes heavenward.  “I don’t know anyone in there, Jen.”

“You know me.”

“You’re out here.” Jen stuck her tongue out at Joey. “Wanna play a game?”

“A game? Why am I not included?” Jack wrapped his arms around Jen for a minute.  He moved past her to hold out a hand to Joey.  Joey flashed a small smile his way and slid under his arm, twirling around him.  “No one told me there’d be dancing at this soiree.” He laughed.

“You weren’t invited, Jackers,” Joey giggled out, “This is invite-only dancing.”

“I’m not dancing,” Jen declared.  She sat down on the dock, her legs dangling over the water.  “Sit with us, McPhee.”  She patted the space next to her.

“Any McPhee, or just Jackers?” Andie skipped up to the dock quickly, pulling Tobey behind her.  Only steps behind them, Dawson appeared, a sheepish grin on his lips.

“You too, Andie.”  Jen smiled up at the growing crowd.

“Just no squealing, please,” Joey added, mischief in her eyes.

“You’re in odd spirits, Miss Potter,” Jen said lightly, “what was in your punch?”

Joey’s eyebrows raised and the smile she flashed was laced with bitterness.  She kicked a small pebble along the dock and watched as it rolled into the water.  Her eyes closed briefly as the pebble broke the surface with a splash.  “Just enjoying our last moments of high school togetherness, Miss Lindley.”

“So, are we spending tonight staring at the water?” Dawson kissed Andie on the cheek.  She smiled and kneeled next to Jen.  Jack fell in a sprawled out heap on his sister’s lap, eliciting a pained yell.  Tobey hopped up onto the dock rail above the three, eyeing them all with an amused grin.

“We’re playing a game,” Joey whispered.  She watched the water ripple beneath the dock.

“What kind of a game?” Dawson eyed her uncertainly.

“Would you rather be...alone on an island or trapped in a very small room?”

The group laughed. “Lame, Joey,” Jack laughed.

She tried again. “Alone on an island with Dawson, a VCR and E.T. or trapped in a very small room with Drue?”

“There’s no electricity on the island, right?” Jen mused thoughtfully.  Dawson batted her over the head. “Hey, Drue’s not so bad.”

Joey groaned.  “He is so bad. But E.T., I’d take Drue.”  She laughed at Dawson’s sullen frown.  “Your turn, oh starry-eyed dreamer.  That means you, Dawson.”

“I figured.”  He shook his head.  “Would you rather...teach Joey to drive stick for eternity or help Andie prepare for her S.A.T.’s?”

Andie pouted in turn.  “Low blow.”

Joey frowned.  “Pacey taught me to drive stick, Dawson.”  He turned to look at her, eyes widened in surprise.

“Right,” he said.

“Yeah.” She shook her head and with a small wave jogged away from the group.  They watched her until she disappeared into the crowd.

Jen cleared her throat. “Uh, okay.  Would you rather...stay in high school forever or go away to college and leave everyone behind with no chance of seeing them again?”

The friends fell silent.  Andie met Jen’s gaze first. “I’d rather go away, Jen,” she whispered softly.

“Why?”

“If I never went away...I wouldn’t know what I was missing.” Andie smiled widely.

Jen nodded. “I don’t think I could...” She trailed off.

“My sister, the sap,” Jack pronounced, ruffling Andie’s hair.

They laughed and Jen followed suit.  This was their last night all together, she was sure of it.

Joey didn’t know what possessed her to return.  But she had.

It was a mere half hour into the Leery graduation bash when she’d forced a smile to her frozen lips andthanked Gale and Mitch for the lovely time.  It was a ten minute drive and here she was again.  At Capeside High.

Finally taking a moment to look back.

She wondered abstractly when the chairs would be folded, when the risers would be dismantled.  As she stepped over muddy streamers, her heels sank in the wet grass.  Drue, she thought with a half smirk.  Her eyes searched the large expanse for the chair she’d found before, the one out of place.  And she found him.

Arms raised behind his head, legs sprawled over two newly moved chairs.  He was impossible to miss, wearing the brightest orange Hawaiian shirt she’d ever seen.

Her hand rose to her forehead to block the sun or Pacey.  She wasn’t sure which.

Joey shifted on her feet, listening to the suctioned squish of her wet heels.  She didn’t want to interrupt his moment.  And he’d made it clear about them.  They were over and she couldn’t fix it.  But it gnawed at her insides.  She hadn’t tried to fix it.  Hadn’t put in the effort.  Wasn’t it worth the effort?

Her stomach churned and she clung to her wrinkled graduation gown.  She stared down at it, bunched up in her hands, trying to remember why she’d brought it with her, why she hadn’t left it in the car.  She let it drop on an empty chair.  Joey stared at Pacey again.  He had told her they weren’t possible and she had nodded, blindly accepting his words.  Joey still had words of her own resting on the tip of her tongue.  Things to say.  To do.

The hands that covered Pacey’s eyes were unexpected. They were also cold.  And he jerked his head away from them before he could assess further.  “What the hell?”  He muttered crossly, turning in his seat.

Joey dropped her hands to her sides guiltily.  She looked stunned and hurt.  Pacey was quick to reach out and give her hand a squeeze, warming the smooth skin.  She let out a relieved sigh and Pacey grinned, even as his eyes remained pained.  “Have a nice graduation, Witter?”

“Damn decent, Potter.”  His grin widened and he stood, walking a circle to take a last look at the graduation site.  “And yours?”

“Nice.”  She shrugged.  “Figures you’d sneak into your own graduation.”  His eyebrow lifted and she pouted impishly, “Who’d actually let you in, Jailbait?”

“You wound me, Josephine.”

“Not yet,” she promised haughtily.

Pacey smiled again, shyly.  His eyes searched hers and found them impossible to read.  He sniffed and ran a hand along his stomach absently.  His other hand was shoved deep in his pocket, so he wouldn’t touch her anymore.  This is what they were now, he guessed. They were back to being sparring partners, enemies.  They occasionally gave each other a noncommittal laugh once in a long while.  And that was it.  Huh.  He watched Joey shift awkwardly, her shoulders stooped, a frown creasing her forehead.

“Go on this trip if you want to, that’s fine,” she began, already wishing the words back in her mouth when Pacey’s eyebrows furrowed at her.  Unfortunately there wasn’t a whole hell of a lot of space for those words, seeing as her feet were already firmly wedged in her mouth, she thought miserably.  She corrected herself quickly, stumbling over every word, developing a little lisp on her “t’s” even.  “I mean I don’t mean that you need my permission, you don’t.  You’re your own person, clearly and this really-”  Her eyes widened in shock as she began to lose feeling in her tongue and found that even her “s’s” were starting to hiss.  Her eyes pleaded with him to stop her, say anything to shut her up.  She was down to only twenty-four letters she could use with any certainty, twenty-three, she amended, when she tried halfheartedly to utter his name through numb lips. “P” was out, too. Or P-p-p wasssss ou-tuh, tuh-oo. Sssshituh.

As per usual, he obliged her with an easy save.  “Jo.”  He arched his eyebrow and smirked.

“I had a point. Go on the trip, but I refuse to break up with you.”

“Excuse me?”  In some ways, the words were what he needed to hear.  What he’d been waiting to hear.  Just give me a reason why we should be together.  Give me one I haven’t thought of, Joey.   But at the same time, looking at her, obviously at a loss for words, eyes flitting around her, panic stricken, he couldn’t help but slump his shoulders, even as his heart leapt a little.

Her voice was a whisper and he leaned towards her, pausing to inhale the fresh scent of berries that enveloped her.  A smell Pacey had wondered about, until they started sleeping together, or more importantly, showering together.  He had discovered one morning, when he had finally managed to talk his way into her shower, finally overcoming her morning after embarrassment and regret cycle, that everything she owned was berry scented.  Her shampoo was raspberry, her soap strawberry, the gel that she’d explained got squeezed onto the funny netted sponge, was blackberry.  No wonder she always smelled like that.

So caught up in the memory, Pacey forgot to hear what she said.  So he nodded with a patient smile and feigned recognition.  But then he saw she expected a response, and knowing this was important as her eyes searched his, he cleared his throat and said, “Say it again, Joey.”

“It’s your turn, Pacey.” Her voice held an odd array of emotion and it was a punch in the gut.  She sounded hurt, in a way he wanted to fix.  Her tone was loving and his stomach turned slightly even as his pulse raced.  But what hit him, what made his mouth go dry, was the certainty.  The absolute and unabiding certainty that he’d only heard in her voice twice before.  Once when he was at his lowest, when he’d first found out he might not graduate and the night in the ski lodge, when she’d seduced him into bed.  It was that note she struck now, and whatever it was his “turn” for, Pacey felt pretty sure he was gonna have it, like it or not.  “It’s your turn,” she repeated softly.

“My turn?”

“To be saved.”

“Joey.”  He stepped back from her instinctively and she closed the distance, pulling on his hand.  She refused to let go.  “I don’t need to be saved.”

“Bullshit.”  The words echoed in the empty air.  His eyes widened.  Hers flashed.  “I don’t need to be let go, Pacey.”

And she had him.  She read him.  Pacey didn’t want to hold her back.  He might be enough for him, but he certainly wasn’t enough for her.  “I don’t want Boston without you.”  She smiled sadly and chewed on her lip.

“I don’t see a way to fit into your life,” he whispered slowly.

“Fitting in is overrated.”  Her eyes flickered brightly and she pulled her body flush with his, to murmur in his ear, “Let me see the way this time.”  His arms closed around her tightly.  “Go on your trip, Pace.”

“And?”  He looked at her doubtfully.

“And I’ll love you more when you come back.”  Her head found a resting place on his shoulder.

“To Capeside,” he returned stubbornly.  “I’ll be in Capeside.”

Joey rolled her eyes and batted him lightly on the head.  “Do you want to be in Capeside?”  He shook his head against her cheek.  “Then why come back?”

The answer was small.  “I’m not going to college.”

“And everyone in Boston is going to college?”  She ruffled his hair affectionately.  “I’m no expert, Pace, but I’m guessing that if you want to be in Boston, they’ll let you in.”  Her cheek was damp with his tears.  “Have a nice summer.  I’ll see you in the fall.”

She pulled back a breath and held his face in her hands, placing a sweet kiss on his lips.

“I better go.”  Pacey wrapped an arm tighter around her waist and drew her into a deep kiss.  They released each other, taking in deep shaky breaths, their foreheads pressed to each other.  The corner of her mouth twisted upward and she traced his jaw line with a gentle finger.  His eyes held hers, hope and despair warring with one another.  “Love you, Pace,” she whispered, finally disengaging herself from his grasp.  She turned and started to leave when his voice stopped her mid step.

“How did you know about my trip?”

She grinned, spinning to face him once more.  “Andie can’t keep a secret to save her life.”

And with that she left.

One Month Later

They stared at the screen long after the final credits had rolled.  Dawson watched the way the moon and the television made patterns in his darkened bedroom.  He followed the trail of shadows painting Joey’s face.  A dozen nights just like this one replayed in his head.  She stole a sidelong glance and grimaced at being caught looking.  The wind rattled against the window pane.

“So,” Joey began, “Gandhi, huh?”

He nodded.

She sniffled and he passed a tissue wordlessly.  Blotting at her eyes gratefully, she spoke slowly, her tone measured.  “Yeah, that’s a good movie.”

“Gandhi or E.T.?” He kicked a foot against his bed.

“Both are good,” she answered.  “More packing?”

Dawson nodded again.

She rose from his bed, swallowing the catch in her throat.  As she pulled out one of his suitcases from the closet, she whispered it.  “I’m gonna miss this.”  She darted a glance his way.

Dawson tilted his head toward her once.  Then he smiled. “There are plenty of suitcases left, Joey.”

She scowled and rolled her eyes at him. “Very funny.  And way to spoil a moment.”

“I do what I can,” he replied, smirking at her.  The phone chose that particular moment to ring.  He turned to it with a shrug.  “Hello?”

“Dawson.”

“Pacey,” Dawson answered, disbelief coloring every syllable.  Joey looked up from his suitcase, her eyes wide.  “How are you?”

“Better now.  You must be a popular man, my friend.  Took me forever to get through.”  Pacey chuckled warmly.

“Not me really,” Dawson replied, “My mom keeps calling Grams, wanting to know if she can help with their packing.  Jen and Grams move to Boston next week.”

“Right,” Pacey nodded to the pay phone, watching people walk along the dock.  A couple held hands and he grinned.  “Right. And I hear you’re off soon, too.  Congrats, man.”

“Thanks.”  Joey stared at him, her mouth still opened in surprise, her eyes questioning.  He shrugged at her.  He didn’t know why Pacey called.  “Thanks, how’s your job?”

“Hard work, but good.”  Pacey hesitated momentarily.  “Is she there, D?”

“Let me get her for you,” Dawson answered.  He held the phone out to Joey and walked out of his bedroom, shutting the door quietly behind him.

“I knew you’d be here.”

She swallowed, the familiar weight of guilt sitting heavy in her throat, making her mouth go dry.  “Pace, I’m just helping him pack.”

“It’s alright.  I didn’t mean it like...like I meant it.”  Pacey scratched at his palm, “I don’t care about Dawson.”

“Right.”

The edge in her tone was harsh in his ears.  “Jo, I’m sorr-”

She cut in.  “I’m sorry, Pacey.  I’m just tired andcranky.  It’s not your fault,” she grabbed a buttondown shirt out of Dawson’s dresser and folded it hurriedly, tossing it into the almost full suitcase,,“I’ve been packing Mr. Leery’s stuff for nearly two hours now.  I don’t even own this much clothing.”

He smirked.  He shouldn’t say it.  But he would.  “Backless tanks don’t take up a lot of closet space.  And I don’t think you own a single bra, Potter.”  He pictured her mouth opening in surprise, her eyes flashing with fire.

She moved around the room, picking up the plush E.T. from the floor of Dawson’s closet.  Turning it over in her hands with a small smile, she replied, “And who got rid of all my bras, hmmm?”

There was a slight pause on the line.  “That would be me,” he conceded.

She threw the stuffed toy towards the open suitcase, grinning when it landed with a quiet thump in the center of the bag.  Joey listened to Pacey’s breathing, steady and deep on the scratchy connection.

“Jo?”

“Yeah.”

“I actually, I wanted to tell you,” he kicked at the torn stucco on the side of the building, “I, um, I left you something.  It’s at the B&B, under the door.”

“Okay.”  She waited for an explanation, but only heard his soft breath, coming in a little faster now.  “Are you going to tell me what it is?”

He smiled.  “Nah, it’s self explanatory.”  He listened to her breathe, heard her move around Dawson’s room, pulling at what he guessed were dresser drawers.  She sighed softly into the line.  “Hard to say goodbye, isn’t it?”

Joey’s eyes widened in alarm.  “What?  Pace, we talked about this, I thought-”

He cut in quickly at her panic, “I meant Dawson.”

“Oh,” there was a sigh of relief, “A little.”

“Yeah, it gets easier.”  Pacey had already let go of Dawson a year ago.  “You should go out with Jack and Jen after he leaves.”

Joey’s mouth quirked up in a half smile.  “Already got it covered, Pace, tonight Jen and I have Ben & Jerry’s and chick flics up to our eyeballs.  And tomorrow, we’re taking Jack to a gay bar,” she paused, chewing her lower lip, “If we can get in.  Drue seems to think it won’t be a problem.”

“That all sounds like a good way to get over a broken heart, Potter,” he whispered, trying not to feel the sting of how Dawson’s departure would affect her more than his obviously had.

“Exactly,” she murmured, “Then the night after that we’ll decide how to deal with Dawson leaving.”  She rolled her eyes at Pacey’s silence.  “You think I’ve even begun to get over my boyfriend leaving me high and dry all summer? God, you’re such an idiot, Pacey.”
 

Her laughter was soft in his ear, bringing a flush to his cheeks all the same.  “Then why are you with me?”

“Because I’m an idiot, too.”  She sniffed and blinked twice.  “Don’t think I’m crying over you or anything.  Dawson’s room is a big mess and it’s all dusty.”  Her voice shook a little.

“I don’t think you’re crying, Jo,” she sniffed again and Pacey smiled, “You’re just gonna get fat and drunk over me, that’s all.”  He chuckled and pictured her glaring at the phone, standing in the middle of the room amidst the packing clutter.  “I’ve gotta go, I spent my life savings on this stupid call, Potter.”

“Okay,” she whispered.  She stared blankly at the nearly empty room.

“I’ll see ya, Joey,” he said, his voice soft and low.  After a moment, he added, “Love you.”  And then he hung up.

Joey listened to the dial tone for a second.  A smile grew on her lips even as a stray tear made a path down her cheek.  “Love you,” she said out loud to the empty room.  “Dawson,” she called out after a minute.

Dawson stepped into the room slowly.  “Okay to come in?”  His smile was tentative.

“Yeah,” Joey replied with a large grin.  “I’m not finishing all this packing on my own.”

“Right,” he agreed, looking around the room.  The shelves were almost empty, the closet was clean, the drawers had all been gone through.  “Except that you did.”  At her confused look, “Finish my packing.  It’s all packed, Joey.”

“Right.”  She turned in a circle around the room.  She shrugged.  “I guess I should go then.  You have to get up pretty early for that flight.”  They stared at each other awkwardly.

He broke the silence first with a laugh.  “This is stupid.  Come here, Joey.”  He held his arms out to her.  She walked into his embrace.  The two friendshugged each other close and pulled away with embarrassed grins.  “I’ll see you at Christmas.”

“Christmas.”  She nodded, tucking a stray lock of hair behind her ear.  Smiling fondly at him, she stepped towards the window and made a move to open it.  Her hand rested against the glass, feeling the chill of the evening against her palm.  She dragged the toe of her boot along the carpet.  Turning, she laughed self deprecatingly.  “No ladder.”

“Yeah,” Dawson said, his eyes bright.  As she brushed past him, on her way out the door, he caught her hand, squeezing it gently between both of his.  “Bye, Joey.”

She smiled and took a look around the empty bedroom. A look at her lifelong friend.  “Bye, Dawson.”  With an eye roll and a deep breath she left.

Dawson turned to the window, watching as Joey appeared beneath it, making her way to her row boat.  Making her way across the creek.  He whistled low in his throat.  He shook his head twice to clear it.  And with a smile, he finished packing.

Opening the door to the B&B, Joey nearly stepped on the envelope shoved beneath it.  The familiar scribble was fuzzy under her already watery gaze.  She traced the lines with a gentle finger.  “Joey,” it said.  In ballpoint pen.  She didn’t even bother to wonder how Pacey had managed this.  After being gone for almost a month.  Incommunicado for a month.  And now a phone call and a letter.  Tearing open the envelope as quickly as her trembling fingers could manage, she pulled out a small slip of notebook paper.  Her eyes scanned the hastily scrawled note.  She read it twice.  She laughed and the tears slipped down her cheeks staining the edges of the paper.

Jo,

I’m two minutes away from leaving for the Caribbean.  No, really.  And all of the sudden I have so much to say to you, and no time to do it.

Did I ever tell you how great Dougie is? Probably not, but he is.  He’s helping me now, actually.  By providing me with this lovely piece of paper and a pen.  By waiting at the gate to my flight to let me know when I have to take off.  By agreeing to deliver this letter when I’m ready to do so.  Which won’t be right away.  Maybe never, I don’t know.

I have something for you, Jo.  You left it today, at graduation.  And I think being the sentimental fool that I know you to be, you’ll want it back.  I have your graduation gown.  You left it on a chair when you took off.  After we kissed.

So, here’s the thing.  I packed it.  In my suitcase.  In two minutes it’s on its way to the Caribbean with me.  Actually now that you’ve got the letter...hell, your graduation gown and I might be sharing a shot of tequila.  Right this very minute.

And I’ll give it back.  I promise.  I’ll see you in the fall, Jo.  I will.  And I’ll have your graduation gown with me.

I love you, Jo.  Thanks for the save.

Pace

A smile graced her lips, the anticipation of her future tossing her stomach into a series of somersaults.

Dawson was going to California.

Jack and Jen would be by in the morning.

Pacey was happy.

He must be, or he wouldn’t have sent her this letter.  Wouldn’t be saying what he couldn’t previously.

She walked into her room, shutting the door quietly, so as not to wake anyone.  She removed her clothing, pulled on a worn sleep shirt.  She crawled into bed and bundled into the covers deeply.

Pacey was happy and she’d see him in the fall.  In Boston.

And with that, she drifted off happily.