Joey took a deep breath as she stepped through the arched oak doorway, clutching the small nosegay bouquet tightly in her hands. The organ music filled the church, drowning out the sounds of the cameras clicking and camcorders whirring away. She closed her eyes briefly, remembering the timing cues she had been given at the rehearsal the night before, and began her walk as she counted out the steps in her head.

She had almost made it halfway up the aisle before she raised her eyes from her feet and glanced around her at the familiar smiling faces. She saw Bessie lean out into her path to snap her picture, and Joey grinned in appreciation at Bodie, who promptly pulled Bessie back into her seat. She saw Gail Leery, beaming at her and wiping a little tear from her eye. And then she saw Dawson, standing in front of the church in his tux, looking like he had just been buffed and polished and watching her approach with an ear to ear grin. She smiled at him, giving him a little wink, before her gaze involuntarily drifted over his shoulder to the man who stood behind him. Her smile slowly faded as they locked eyes. There was time when she could read every thought going through his head, every nuance of his every emotion in those eyes. Now they were just some deep blue mystery.

When she finally reached the front of the church, she took another deep breath as she turned and took her place on the altar. The music from the organ changed and swelled, and Joey had to raise herself up slightly on her toes to look over the heads of the guests in the congregation. She couldn’t help but smile when she saw Jen practically floating down the aisle on Jack’s arm, looking like a beautiful little fairy princess in her diaphanous white gown, her hair secured with flower petals in a loose bun and her veil cascading down her back. Rocking back on her heels, Joey tried to hold back a smirk. “Leave it to Dawson Leery” She thought, stifling a small chuckle, “To feel like he has to go and marry the first girl that would sleep with him.”

Jen took her place next to Dawson and they all turned now to face each other as the priest began the service. Joey eyes darted from the happy couple to the priest and then to the floor, wondering exactly how long this was going to take, and if she could possibly get through it without having to look at him again. The rehearsal the night before had been torturous enough. She could feel his eyes on her now and knew that her cheeks were probably flushed, her bodying betraying her once again. Determinedly setting her jaw and quickly brushing a stray hair from her eyes, she held her head up to watch Dawson and Jen take their vows.

“Screw you, Pacey Witter.” She thought, blinking away the sting of the tears that threatened to fall and forcing a smile to her lips. “I’m not going to let you do this to me again.”

“Hey beautiful. Can I buy you a drink?” Joey looked up from where she was standing near the bar to see Jack smiling at her. She rolled her eyes and poked him in the ribs as he playfully slipped his arm around her.

“Gee. Thanks, big spender.” She smiled sarcastically. “Since it’s open bar and all.”

“Yeah. You gotta love Gail for that one, huh?” Jack grinned as he flagged down the bartender. They got their drinks and turned to watch the couples on the small dance floor. The band launched into a swing number and they saw Andie scurry from her seat to grab Pacey, who had been standing and talking with a group of Dawson’s friends from school. Jack laughed as they watched Pacey shake his head and try to get away from her, but Andie grabbed his arm with both hands and dragged him onto the floor. Still laughing, Jack turned back to Joey, who was watching them with a small sad smile.

“Would you think I was a horrible person if I told you that sometimes I was a little jealous of your sister, Jack?”

“Andie?” Jack looked at her, slightly shocked. “Why?”

“Well, not Andie, so much as…them.” Joey sighed heavily, not really knowing what she was trying to say herself. “What they have. The way they can still…be friends, I guess. The way that they are still in one another’s lives.”

Jack nodded slowly as he sipped his drink. “It’s easier for them.” He finally shrugged.

Joey looked at him curiously, raising an eyebrow. “How so?”

Jack shrugged again. “Things weren’t quite as…intense – for lack of a better word – with them.” He regarded Joey out of the corner of his eye. “And it didn’t go on for as long.”

Hearing the question in his voice, Joey quickly turned to meet his eyes. Jack was smiling knowingly at her, his eyebrows raised.

“He told you…?” She sputtered out, almost choking on her drink.

“No, no. Calm down.” Jack patted her arm gently. “Pacey didn’t tell me anything. I just noticed the way you two have been acting around each other these past two days and I kind of assumed – I mean, Pacey and I were roommates for a while and I’ve seen you guys do this dance around each other a few times before, remember?” Joey looked at the floor, embarrassed, but Jack smiled at her reassuringly. “It’s me, Joey. I’m not about to tell anyone anything.” He rubbed her arm, watching her face. “And I don’t think Pacey would ever say that you weren’t a part of his life.” He said quietly, but seriously.

Joey looked up at him now, her eyes shining, but before she could respond, Jen suddenly appeared at her side.

“All right. It’s time for bridesmaid duty, Miss Potter.” Jen huffed, holding up the flowing material from the train of her dress in her tiny arms. “I need to go to the ladies’ room and I’m afraid I just can’t manage this one alone.”

Jack laughed and Jen swatted at his arm as she dragged Joey away with her. When they got to the restroom, Joey carefully helped Jen with the buttons on her dress and then leaned against the row of sinks while the bride disappeared into a stall.

“So, do you think people are having fun?” Jen called out from behind the door. “Do you think they like the music?”

“It’s great, Jen. Everyone’s having a blast, really.” Joey assured her.

“How about you?” Jen opened the door, turning carefully to avoid catching her gown on the metal latch, and went over to the sinks while Joey buttoned up her dress. She watched Joey in the mirror. “Do you feel okay?”

Joey nodded, forcing a smile for her friend. “Yeah, why do you ask?”

Jen shrugged. “You didn’t look so good last night – or this morning in the church for that matter. I know that stomach flu has been going around. Pacey said that was what Allison had.” Joey nodded, remembering Pacey mentioning something about his girlfriend’s absence from the festivities. She had not really heard what it was, since she had quickly excused herself from that particular conversation.

“Nope.” Joey smiled again. “I’m fine. And your wedding couldn’t be more perfect, Jen.” Joey stood back to appraise her work and then their eyes met in the mirror. Joey’s smile softened. “I know you and I were never ones for big emotional girly-type scenes.” She began, “And, I don’t want to start now and have your pictures all ruined because mascara is running down your cheeks.” They both giggled as Jen held back a small sniffle. “But, I just wanted you to know that I think that Dawson Leery is probably just about the luckiest man in the world today.”

Jen looked down quickly before meeting Joey’s eyes in the mirror again and reaching out to give her a hand a squeeze. “Thank you.” She whispered. Taking a deep breath, she turned to face her. “Ready?”

Joey shrugged, “Actually – I have to go now.” She laughed. “I’ll just see you out there.” The two friends hugged quickly before Jen made her way back out to the restaurant, leaving Joey standing alone in front of the mirrors. She smoothed her hair down with one hand, adjusting the slinky strap on her wine-colored dress with the other. Fingering the tiny embroidery flowers that adorned the scooping neckline, her mind drifted back to the day she had picked it up at the dressmakers in Capeside.

The bell above the glass door chimed as Joey pushed her way out to the sidewalk, her bridesmaid dress draped over one arm and her back-pack over the other. Dropping the third small paper shopping bag that held her wedding gift, she cursed as she brushed her hair out of her eyes and bent to try and retrieve the package without losing her hold on the plastic dress bag that was quickly slipping to the ground as well.

“Uhh…let me get that for you, Jo.”

She froze in place a moment, her knees still slightly bent, before she raised her eyes to acknowledge the person who went with that unmistakable voice.

“Thanks.” She said quietly, as Pacey handed her the bag with a shy smile. They stood there for an awkward moment before he spoke again.

“So – since I have about ten messages from Dawson and Jen reminding me in varying degrees of annoyance, aggravation and urgency to pick up my tux, I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that that is your bridesmaid dress in there.” He bit his lower lip before continuing, as if he were in deep thought. “Do you need help getting to your truck? Want me to carry something?” He had that slightly concerned look on his face that he always seemed to have around her lately. Ever since he’d been with Allison anyway. Joey immediately bristled with irritation.

“No.” She snapped. “Got it, thanks.” She began to walk down the sidewalk and he fell in step beside her, as she knew he would.

“Are you headed back to Boston now?” He asked, watching the ground as they walked.

“Uh, no actually. Just to the B&B. Bessie and Bodie are going out and I’m staying with Alexander tonight.” She looked over at him, raising her eyebrow, and asked sharply. “Why?”

Pacey seemed to find some amusement in her harsh tone and chuckled slightly. “Just asking, Jo.”

They walked in silence a moment, and then her backpack slid off her shoulder. She raised her forearm, catching it before it fell to the ground and balancing it there, until Pacey finally reached over and carefully took it from her with a small smile. Joey just glared at him and continued down the sidewalk. When she glanced over to see him still walking next to her and still smiling to himself, she couldn’t help but shake her head in exasperation and smile as well. They finally reached Bodie’s truck and Pacey stood there while Joey threw the dress bag over the passenger seat. She turned to face him.

“Aren’t you working today? Or are you just roaming the streets of Capeside in hopes of finding damsels in distress?” She asked pointedly.

Pacey smirked at her comment, glancing out across the street at the late afternoon sun reflecting off the water of the harbor. “Yeah, but I don’t see anyone who needs my help here.” He said quietly.

Pacey had been running a small boat charter company out of Capeside for the past couple of years, having decided that the restaurant business was ultimately not for him. He had actually been quite successful in his new venture – though Joey didn’t really know why she was still surprised by that - and now had an office at the marina in town as well as one on Nantucket. He had, for all intents and purposes, become that “townie” that he had once predicted himself to be, and yet he still managed to maintain a steady relationship with his girlfriend, a grad student in Boston. The only real difference, of course, was that now that girlfriend wasn’t her.

After another brief moment of silence, Pacey finally looked her in the eyes, “So, you’re going to be at the B&B tonight, huh?” He held her backpack up, dangling it in front of her.

Joey felt her mouth go dry and she swallowed quickly before grabbing her bag and responding, trying to sound nonchalant “Yep.”

Pacey nodded, shoving his hands in the pockets of his jeans and dropping his head slightly before meeting her eyes again. “Maybe I could stop by later? I, um…haven’t seen Alex in a while.” Pacey watched her face.

Joey nodded slowly, wondering if she could ever refuse him anything, and what would it really matter if she did. “Whatever. I mean -- if you want to. We’ll be there.”

Pacey grinned, looking somewhat relieved. “Okay then. I’ll just see you later, Potter.”

Joey shrugged and nodded. “Okay.”

They smiled at one another as Joey climbed into the truck, and Pacey gave her a little wave before she pulled out into the street. Watching him trot away in her rear-view mirror, back down Water Street towards the Marina, she sighed heavily, as she met her own reflection in the glass.

“What are you doing?” She muttered to herself.

“I won! I won!” Alex jumped and down. “Did you see that, Joey?”

“I sure did. That’s great, Alex.” Joey smiled over at him from where she was standing by the sink as she rinsed off their dinner plates. She glanced over at Pacey, who was sitting across from Alex at the kitchen table and shuffling a deck of cards. He gave her a quick wink and she grinned before wiping her hands off and coming over to them. “But, it’s getting late. You better go brush your teeth now and hop into bed now.”

“But, Joey…” Alex whined as Pacey stood and ruffled his hand through his hair.

“That’s okay, buddy. We’ll have a rematch soon.” Pacey smiled at him.

“All right. G’night.” Alex sighed as he shuffled out of the room in defeat. Joey watched him go and then turned slowly to face Pacey.

“So…” She smiled, shrugging her shoulders slightly. “Thanks for dinner. I have to admit I’d forgotten that you can actually cook a dish or two.”

“I am a man of many talents, Potter.” He grinned.

Joey rolled her eyes and shook her head but smiled with him. “Yeah, yeah. Whatever, Pace.” She stood there, feeling slightly awkward in that she knew it was time to say goodnight, but that she just couldn’t bring herself to say it first. Pacey – as always – saved her the trouble.

“Well, I can tell that you’re getting tired, so I think I’m going to take off now.”

Joey heard her voice as if it were coming from someone else. “You don’t have to. You can stay a while if you want.” She cringed inwardly at the rushed sound of the words.

Pacey had already been turning to go get his coat and didn’t turn back to face her. “I should probably just get going…” He replied hesitantly.

Joey recognized something in the tone of his voice and felt the familiar irritation and embarrassment rising up inside her. “Of course.” She said flatly, trying to conceal it. “Allison is probably expecting you, right?”

Pacey turned back to her now and sighed. “Actually, no. She had plans to go with some of her girlfriends tonight.” He bit his lip before continuing, his serious blue eyes scanning her face. “I just think it’s better if I go.”

Joey’s eyes flashed with pain, but she again kept her voice steady. “Fine.”

Pacey flapped his arms. “What is it now, Jo?” He raised his voice but then quickly lowered it as he glanced down the hall towards Alex’s closed bedroom door. “I hadn’t seen you in a while and I thought it would be nice if you and I could spend some time together before we have to deal with all this wedding craziness, that’s all. If you’ll recall, you and I pretty much make up the wedding party this weekend. I’m sorry if that pissed you off somehow.”

“Don’t give me that.” Joey narrowed her eyes, her voice an angry hiss as she also glanced over her shoulder towards her nephew’s room. “You just want to be able to be there with your girlfriend and not have to feel awkward around me, so you just wanted to come here tonight to somehow smooth things over. Take care of your guilt or whatever. After all – it’s Poor Joey now, right? Her once so-called soul mate is getting married and then - if that’s not bad enough - the only boy…” She cut herself off abruptly, quickly turning away. “Just go, Pacey.”

Pacey just looked at her blankly for a minute, then sighed as he ran his hands through his hair. He moved towards her. “Jo?” He said softly, wrapping his large hand around her arm and turning her towards him. “Joey?” He bent his knees a little so that he could look into her eyes. Joey looked up at him now, her face flushed. Pacey raised his hand to tuck a loose piece of hair behind her ear. “You’re wrong. The reasons I am here are completely and utterly selfish.” He whispered. “They’re the same reasons I always have for wanting to see you…needing to see you.” She reached up and took his hand, and their eyes met. It was as if a little bolt of electricity ran through them in that moment, and – on instinct - Joey leaned back her head as his lips met hers in a heated kiss.

She just let the dizzying effects of the kiss take her over for a minute, relishing in the intoxicating feeling that traveled through her body from the top of her head to the tips of her fingers. Then she took control of herself again, kissing him back with a passionate force of her own. She heard him moan softly into her mouth and then he was wrapping his arms around her and lifting her, sliding her onto the kitchen counter. She grasped at his sweatshirt, pulling it over his head, needing to feel his skin. His hands were fumbling at the buttons of her shirt as his mouth made its way down her neck. Through the roar of the blood rushing through her ears, she thought she heard a tear and the sound of buttons bouncing off the linoleum floor, but before she had time to process this, she felt his heated skin against hers and gasped out loud at the sensation. She ran her hands down the muscles in his bare back, gripping him around the waist and pulling him into her as she thrust her hips forward to meet him.

“Pacey.” She moaned as his open-mouthed kisses trailed down from her neck to her chest, trying to keep her voice at a whisper. Her hands traveled around to his bare stomach and, feeling the muscles there clench at her touch, she slipped just the tips of her fingers into the waistband of his jeans. He growled softly in response and bit her gently where he had been sucking on her skin. In what seemed like one swift movement, his hands were at the zipper of her pants and then he was pushing them down as she raised herself up off the counter to help him. She felt just the tips of his fingers brush against her panties and she urged herself forward, desperate for more contact. “Pacey…please.” She whispered in his ear as his kisses made their way back up to her neck and then to her mouth.

Pacey tensed up then, suddenly aware of their surroundings. “Jo.” He whispered against her lips urgently as she pulled him back into her for another kiss. “Not here.” Joey could only groan softly in response, so he lifted her and carried her quickly into her bedroom, kicking the door closed behind them. He deposited her slowly on the bed without breaking the kiss and she raised herself up on her knees to unbuckle his pants. She watched in anticipation as he took a condom from the wallet in his back pocket, slowly reaching into his jeans and running her hand down the length of him. He was kissing her again now, moving down towards her shoulder and expertly removing her bra with a flick of his fingers as he pushed her back onto the bed, and all Joey could do was wrap herself around him and give herself over to the feelings assaulting her senses. When she felt him finally slide inside her, filling her again and again and whispering the words she so longed to hear, she was gone.

Joey blinked her eyes open, trying to adjust them to the darkness. There was a shaft of light coming in from the kitchen through the crack in the door, and she could see Pacey standing by the bed pulling up his jeans.

“Hey. What time is it?” Her voice was scratchy and hoarse and she wished she had a glass of water.

“Hey.” He said softly, and she could see him flash a small smile in her direction as he leaned in to kiss her gently on the forehead. “It’s late. After midnight.” He nodded towards her. “You should go back to sleep.”

Joey sat up now, the realization of what had happened just now dawning in her. “Wha…where are you going?” She ran her hand through her tangled hair.

Pacey was looking around at the floor. “I’ve got to get home. I have to be at work early tomorrow to get everything straightened away before this weekend.” He explained as he reached down for the wallet he had been looking for.

Joey just watched him finish dressing as she felt a familiar lump forming in her throat and heat rising up in her cheeks. “Oh. I get it.” She finally whispered as her voice cracked. “Now that you have a girlfriend, it’s okay to still come over and screw around with me…but you just can’t stay the night now.” She pulled the comforter up around her, suddenly self-conscious to be naked in front of him like this.

Pacey didn’t look at her but sat down on the edge of the bed next to her with a sigh. “Look, Jo. I know that things have never exactly been simple with us, but you can’t do this now.” He rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hand. “This isn’t exactly new territory for us. How many nights did you show up on my doorstep when I was still living in Boston with Jack? Or even after I came back to Capeside?” Pacey’s voice took on an edge of irritation. “Let me ask you - did you ever have a boyfriend in college that you didn’t cheat on with me at least once, Joey?”

“Just get the hell out.” Joey said quietly, looking away, not wanting to remember it all right now.

Pacey continued on as if he had not heard her. “And if you don’t think I feel like shit in about ten different ways right now, well then you couldn’t be more wrong.” He turned towards her now, resting his hand on the bed near hers but not touching her. “I’m sorry. I made a promise to myself a while ago that I wasn’t going to do this to…us…any more. I made promises to Allison…I just really…missed you and…what can I say, Jo? I screwed up. Again.”

Joey closed her eyes, fighting back the tears. Suddenly there was a low buzzing sound from the kitchen, followed shortly by another. Joey turned towards Pacey, who now had his head in his hands.

“My cell phone. In my jacket.” He sighed, lifting his head but not meeting her eyes.

Joey nodded her head sadly, understanding. “You better go get it.”

But Pacey didn’t move from his spot next to her. “I have to tell you something.” His voice sounded small and far away. “Allison’s roommate is moving back home at the end of the summer and we have been discussing the possibility of moving in together.”

Joey felt like someone had just knocked the wind out of her. All these years, all this time that she and Pacey and wrestled with the task of trying to find some closure, he had never been the one to have someone else serious in his life. Sure, there had been other girls, but none of them ever seemed to stick around for that long. Because Pacey had never really had a “girlfriend”, it had been easy for her to imagine that during all their clandestine meetings - secret trysts that were carefully planned beforehand or late nights when their paths simply crossed and they found themselves tumbling into bed together - that she was still everything to him. She really felt that she had been at her best when she was with Pacey, and in those nights alone with him again she was almost felt like she was that same girl who could take on the world. The girl that he always believed her to be, the girl that lived in his eyes, the only girl that he ever truly loved. How did she go from being the only one for him to being the one he slipped away from in the middle of the night to go home to someone else?

Joey shrugged her shoulders, wiping her eyes with the back of one hand. “Well, that’s great, Pace. What do you want me to say? I’m happy for you.” She let out a small sarcastic laugh.

Pacey shook his head. “I just didn’t want you to have to hear it from someone else.” He said as he slowly stood up. “Because I know how much that sucks.” Joey winced at the painful reminder of the times she had hurt him. He started towards her bedroom door and then turned to face her again.

“Look…I can’t do anything to change the way things turned out, the mess that we – that I – have made here.” He bowed his head as his voice dropped. “And I think we all know that I certainly can’t change the fact that I will probably always love you.” He looked away now. “I don’t know. I guess I should have cut my losses long ago. Maybe I should have never come back to Boston after that first summer. But I don’t have any regrets. I just have to stop living my life in the past, Jo.” He looked at her but her head was down “And so do you. I know all this stuff with Dawson and Jen getting married has got you a little down but…”

Joey’s head shot up. “What? What are you talking about…?”

Pacey shrugged. “I know that you have seemed a little depressed lately and I just figured…”

Joey laughed bitterly again, shaking her head. “So you assumed it was because of Dawson…? You really have no clue sometimes, do you, Pace?”

Pacey just sighed tiredly, “Look, Jo…I can’t get into all of this again. I really can’t. I’m just going to go…” He started to walk out towards the kitchen to grab his coat.

Joey called after him, keeping her voice low, almost at a whisper. “If I’m living in the past, maybe it’s because I can’t see my future anymore, Pace. Don’t you remember asking me once what it was I saw there?”

Pacey froze as he shrugged on his coat, but then kept walking until he reached the door. “I’ll see ya.” He called over his shoulder.

Joey felt the hot tears running down her face. “Yeah. See ya, Pace.” She whispered.

“JO-eey!”

Joey jumped back from the mirror, turning to see Andie bouncing into the ladies room. Andie stopped short when she saw her face. “Are you okay, sweetie?”

Joey sniffed and laughed, trying to recover quickly. “Yeah, um. I think I might have that stomach bug that’s going around, that’s all.” She waved her hand dismissively. “You know, that one Pacey was talking about last night.”

“Oh yeah.” Andie said slowly, moving to stand next to Joey at the sink. “About that.” She looked towards the door and lowered her voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “Listen, Pacey doesn’t want anyone to know right now and go spreading bad news around on Dawson and Jen’s big day, but at the same time I figured I’d give you and Jack the head’s up so no one says anything that might upset him.” Andie lowered her voice even further. “Allison didn’t stay home because of that flu. She isn’t here with him today because he broke up with her yesterday.”

Joey just looked at Andie with her mouth open. “Oh, I…I see.” She mumbled.

“Yeah.” Andie shrugged. “And I kind of thought this one might have been the one to finally settle our Pacey down after all these years. I guess not.” She disappeared into one of the bathroom stalls. “He actually seems okay with it.” She called out through the closed door. “But I figured he didn’t want to have to answer a million questions about it, either.”

“Yeah.” Joey agreed absently, staring at the floor. She shook herself out of her reverie as Andie emerged. Quickly washing her hands and adjusting her skirt, she grabbed Joey’s arm. “Let’s go get you a ginger ale or something to settle that stomach.”

As Andie led her from the bathroom and across the dance floor to the bar, Joey was acutely aware of his blue eyes following her from where he now stood with Jack. Carefully avoiding his gaze, she raised her head slightly and decided to skip the ginger ale and go straight for the gin.

“Ahem…May I have this dance, sir?” Pacey turned from where he had been standing with Jack to see Jen smiling at him in her gown.

“Hey, it’s your day. Your wish is my command.” Pacey grinned as he bowed and took her hand. Twirling her out onto the floor he wrapped his arms lightly around her and pressed a little kiss to the top of her head as they began to sway to the music. “In case I haven’t already told you today, you look absolutely stunning, Jen.”

“Oh. I think you might have said something once or twice, but it never hurts to hear it again.” She giggled and he laughed with her. “Oh – and thank you for the wonderful speech you gave earlier, Pacey. I have to admit I was a little nervous about it…”

“Why’s that?” Pacey pulled back to look down at her.

“I just had these visions of you launching into the whole “how Jen Lindley made Dawson Leery a man” story.” She grimaced, shaking her blond curls.

Pacey chuckled. “Yeah, well. That was only in the first and second drafts. I had to edit it out for the PG rating.”

Jen rolled her eyes and giggled as Pacey spun her around to the music. Catching her breath, she tilted her head up to look at him. “So, Allison couldn’t make it, huh?”

“Um, no…” Pacey shrugged, not meeting her eyes. “She is still not, ah…feeling well.”

Jen looked away from him, nodding to herself. Glancing back up to his face, she lowered her voice slightly. “You know, I think you are just about the only other person in the world who would understand this, but this wedding almost didn’t happen, you know.” Pacey raised his eyebrows and looked at her in surprise, but didn’t say anything. “When Dawson and I started this thing way back in freshman year,” Jen continued slowly, “I really was okay with kind of being just ‘in the moment’ with him. Just to enjoy things while they lasted. As time went on, I became less and less satisfied with that particular arrangement, but I just figured…I just figured that second best was the best I could hope to be.”

Pacey looked at her with a pained expression, shaking his head, “That’s not how Dawson feels, Jen…”

“Oh, no, I know that now, Pacey.” Jen quickly responded. “But it took me a while to get there. Did you know that when Dawson first asked me to marry him, even though I wanted to shout “yes” from the nearest mountaintop, I told him that I needed to think about it?”

“I didn’t know that.” Pacey said quietly.

“I told him that I loved him and I wanted to be with him more than anyone else in the world, but that I needed to know for sure that he loved me back the same way or it would never work.” She looked up to meet Pacey’s eyes. “Do you know what he said?”

Pacey just shook his head.

“He said that there was no one else for him, and that there hadn’t been for a very long time. He also said that he knew what it felt like to know that the person you wanted to be with actually wanted someone else…” Jen waited a beat before continuing, watching Pacey, who remained expressionless. “…And he couldn’t believe how lucky he was now to have found what he found in us.” Jen smiled to herself. “That he never really even knew what love was before me.”

Pacey smiled, bowing his head. “He is a lucky man, Jen.”

Jen nodded and was quiet for a moment. “But that is a horrible feeling, isn’t it?” She continued. “Thinking that the person you are in love with is always going to want someone else? That you aren’t good enough? I mean – you fall so head-over-heels in love with someone and put them up on that pedestal so that you start to think that you could never possibly be worthy of them, that you are somehow inadequate. You tell yourself all these things out of fear or insecurity - almost like some kind of defense mechanism - and you start to believe your imagination more than you believe the actual truth that is right in front of your eyes. The truth that this person could actually be loving you right back, despite of everything you might tell yourself to the contrary.”

Pacey looked away and then back to Jen with a little smirk. “Have you been talking to Dr. Frost again, Lindley?”

She mock-scowled at him, batting his arm with her hand as the song ended. “I should know better than to try to have a serious discussion with you, Pacey. And – by the way - the name is Leery.” He grinned and they started off the dance floor. Pacey hesitated a moment when his eyes fell on Joey making her way outside to the patio with a drink in her hand. Following his gaze, Jen smiled over her shoulder at him as she continued on her way.

“Like I said - sometimes the truth is right in front of your eyes, Pacey.”

He looked at her, startled out of his thoughts, but her tiny form had already disappeared into the crowd of wedding guests.

Joey sighed and wrapped her arms around herself as she stepped outside and the warm summer night air enveloped her. There was just a slight breeze coming in off the water across the street and the smell of the ocean air seemed to draw her forward. She placed her drink on one of the patio tables and walked out to the opposite side of the street. She leaned against the wooden railings, gazing out at the boats bobbing up and down in the darkness of Capeside Harbor. There were people obviously having a party on one of the bigger sailboats out at its mooring, and Joey smiled sadly at the sight of the tiny twinkling white lights they had strung from the mast.

She ran her hand through her hair, looking to her left to the Public Landing and the old wooden dock that stretched out into the water. For a long time, the memory of that day she stood there and told him she loved him made her smile. Now it was almost too painful to even remember. She had always thought that it was supposed to happen in reverse – that memories should get better over time, not worse. Wasn’t that what she told him – that it was possible to remember just the good and not the bad? Of course, their actions – her actions – over all these years since then probably did a lot to taint those memories. And the sad part is that all she had really been trying to do was to hold onto them. Hold onto him.

She had never really been able to admit how much he had hurt her when he left that first summer. Breaking up with her had been bad enough, but cutting himself off so abruptly from her had devastated her. She had felt like one of those little sailboats in the water, cut loose from their mooring and left out there to just be thrown against the rocks. He had always been her anchor. And then, of course, came the months of agonizing guilt as she pondered all the things she might have done to drive him away.

She guesses it must have been her sense of foolish pride that kept her from falling at his feet and begging him to give her a second chance when he came back, to tell him how she really felt – either that or her all-consuming fear of being rejected again. And she thought that she could be strong, but being with him felt as natural - as necessary - as breathing in air or drinking water. So, when they inevitably fell back into sex, she knew she couldn’t stop so she had to take some measures to protect her heart. If he had so easily left her once, then who was to say that he wouldn’t just do it again, right? And the only way she had known how to do that - in what had become typical Joey Potter fashion - was to use other boys as her defense, her shield. Her lie. Her way to keep him at arm’s length had been to always make sure that there was someone else in there between them.

He had once told her in not so many words that for a smart girl, she wasn’t that bright. Once again, Pacey Witter – the only person in her life who ever spoke the truth.

When she heard the footsteps approaching her, she didn’t even need to turn to know who it was. He came up next to her without a word and just leaned against the railing as well, matching her stance as they looked out over moonlight reflecting off the water. They stayed that way for a long moment until he finally spoke.

“I’m sorry about the other night, Jo.” He turned his head to look at her.

“I know.” She said quietly. “It’s okay.” She regarded him out of the corner of her eye with a little smirk. “And you didn’t exactly do it alone, Pace.”

A small smile came to his face, but it didn’t do anything to change his troubled look. “I broke up with Allison.” He said matter-of-factly, turning back to look out at the water.

Joey nodded as if she were contemplating this as new information. She sighed finally, needing to ask the unspoken question hanging over them. “Did you…”

“Tell her?” Pacey cut in quickly, finishing her sentence. “No.” He dropped his voice a little lower. “I didn’t have to.”

Joey bit her lower lip, debating whether to continue the conversation, and then deciding not to pursue it. She let her eyes drift over him, his broad shoulders hunched over the railing in his tux jacket, his hair cropped short again since Jen insisted he get it cut for the wedding. She couldn’t help but smile a little as her eyes took in his familiar features. He finally glanced over at her, furrowing his brow quizzically.

“What is it?” He asked softly.

She shrugged. “I guess I’m just trying to figure out how we got here.”

Pacey chuckled at this and straightened up. “Damned if I know. Last thing I remember we were sailing out of this harbor.”

Joey smiled, even though she felt a little lump rise in her throat.

“We should probably get back in there before they miss us.” Pacey sighed, glancing over his shoulder at the restaurant behind them.

Joey just nodded and fell in step next to him. They were almost half way across the street when he took her hand, interlacing his fingers with hers as if it was the most natural gesture in the world. Joey felt a blush rise up in her cheeks and she smiled at the ground but didn’t say anything.

When they walked back into the reception, the band was just launching into an old favorite. Pacey let out a half chuckle, half groan as the all too familiar strains of music filled the room.

“What?” Joey demanded playfully.

“This song just reminded of how many times you made me sit through that sappy movie.” He shook his head.

“I’ll have you know that ‘When Harry Met Sally’ is a classic.” Joey huffed.

Pacey raised his eyebrows skeptically, but didn’t respond. He turned to look at her with a small smile.

“What do say, Potter?”

Joey tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and smiled. “What do I say to what?”

Pacey motioned towards the dance floor, his warm blue eyes dancing in amusement. “One more time for old times’ sake?”

Joey looked out to the dance floor as the smile spread across her face. “Sure. Why not?”

She let him lead her out onto the floor, weaving between people until he found a space for them. He turned to her then, taking her hand in his and wrapping his other arm around her and pulling her into him. He danced her around effortlessly to the tempo of the music, gradually slowing to a pace where they were both barely swaying back and forth.

Her dress was open in the back, and Pacey alternated between laying the warm palm of his hand flat against her cool skin and then slowly curling it to just gently rub the pads of his fingers along her lower spine. Joey shivered at the sensation, bowing her head a little to rest it against his chest.

With a barely audible sigh, Pacey pulled her in even closer, moving and guiding them away from the other wedding guests on the floor. Her body was flush against his now, and he slowly and discreetly lowered his head towards her chest. Joey’s eyes widened as he barely brushed his lips over the top of her breast peeking out from the scooped neckline of her dress.

Her eyelids feeling heavy now, she watched in rapt fascination, holding her breath in anticipation, as he traveled achingly slowly over the contours of her body, making his way over to her upper arm, up and over her shoulder, leaning into her collarbone, all the while trailing his lips and nose over and as tantalizingly close to her smooth skin as possible without ever making actual contact - as if she was oxygen and he was just breathing her in. She had to close her eyes and concentrate to keep her head from lolling back when she felt him gently nuzzle her ear, his breath hot on her neck. When she finally felt his lips meet her skin, warm and wet and wonderfully soft, in the exact spot behind her ear that he knew drove her crazy, she unsuccessfully tried to stifle a gasp.

He pulled back with a sleepy, satisfied smile on his face, raising his hand to brush his fingers tenderly against her cheek and then taking a strand of her long hair that had escaped and tucking it back behind her ear. Joey slowly raised her head, her wide gray eyes shining up at him, and finally said the words she had been holding in for almost four years.

“I love you, Pacey.”

Pacey froze, his hand still in her hair. He looked at her and took a step back, dropping his hands to his sides, his mouth opening as if he was going to say something - but no words came out.

Suddenly there was a flurry of noise and activity around them. Joey felt someone grab her arm, pulling her away from where Pacey still stood.

“C’mon, Joey.” She heard Andie’s voice in her ear. “Dawson and Jen are saying their good-byes. They’ve been looking for you guys.”

Joey saw them by the door, Dawson waving and Jen hugging the well-wishers that were surrounding them. Their faces both lit up when they saw her. “Joey!”

“Hey” She said breathlessly, leaning in to hug them both. “Congratulations again! I’m so happy for you both!”

“Joey, thank you for everything.” Jen hugged her again. “Where are you going to be when we get back from Europe?”

Joey shrugged. “My lease in Boston is up at the end of the month, so it’s back to the B&B for me for a while this summer until I find a real job.”

“All right. Well, I guess I’ll see you in a few weeks! I love you! Thank you again!” Jen’s eyes drifted over Joey’s shoulder. “There you are, Pacey!” Joey carefully stepped out of the way as they hugged and then watched with a small smile as he hugged Dawson as well.

“Joey, hon?” She turned to see Gail holding a very tired Lily on her hip. “Can I get your help getting some of the gifts into my car?” Joey glanced back to where Pacey had just been standing with Dawson, but he was gone.

“Um, sure.” Joey turned back to Gail, hiding her frown as she followed her out of the restaurant.

“Okay, that’s it for now.” Gail slammed the trunk of her car closed. “I think Jack and Andie are going to get the rest of the stuff for me.” She turned to Joey, who forced a fake smile to her lips. “Now how are you getting home – do you want a ride, hon?”

Joey shook her head quickly, but before she could answer she heard a deep voice come from behind her. “That’s okay, Gail. I can take her home.”

Joey turned slowly to see Pacey approaching them from the restaurant, his tie undone and looking spent.

“Okay then. You guys did a great job today – it was a beautiful wedding.” Gail waved as she climbed into the drivers seat, quickly checking Lily, who was already fast asleep in the back. “I’ll see you kids later.” She pulled away from the curb and Pacey and Joey just stood there next to each other watching her go. When the car disappeared around the corner, Joey immediately began walking away without a word.

“Jo…” Pacey sighed. “Where are you going?”

“Home.” She spat out, crossing her arms and increasing her pace a bit.

Pacey groaned in frustration and jogged after her. “Jo…Joey.” He reached out to grab her arm.

“Just let me go, Pacey.” She shrugged him off, crossing the street towards the harbor to get away from him. But he still followed behind her.

“Will you just stop it, please? Just talk to me.”

“Um, I think I said what I had to say.” She let out a bitter chuckle. Looking up ahead, she saw Jack and Andie standing by their car. Rolling her eyes, not wanting to have to face anyone, she quickly turned before they saw her and found herself heading down onto the boat dock. Pacey followed behind her a little more slowly now, and Joey realized that she had actually just trapped herself. She scowled at him as he approached, walking away again until she was standing at the very end of the dock. “Just leave me alone, Pacey. Let’s not make this any worse than it has to be.”

“Are you even going to let me say anything?” He raised his voice and it cracked slightly.

“As I recall, you had the perfect opportunity to say something back there on the dance floor and you just disappeared.”

Pacey ran his hands through his hair in exasperation. “Dawson asked me to hand out his tips to the wait staff before they all went home. I went to find you right after that and you were gone.”

Joey bit her lip, staring out at the dark water, and didn’t say anything. She felt him come up behind her and it was as if she could feel the warmth from his body surround her. His hand rested lightly on her bare shoulder and she could almost feel his breath on the back of her neck. She closed her eyes, fighting the urge to let herself lean back against him.

“You know I love you, Jo” He finally said, his voice low and husky. “But you can’t blame me if I am confused here. You just have to tell me what you want.” He waited for her to respond, but she still said nothing. He leaned into her, his voice cracking again as he whispered in her ear. “It’s always been you.”

Joey shut her eyes tightly, squeezing back the tears. She took a deep breath and turned to face him completely now. “That is what I want…I want it to always be me.” Pacey regarded her a moment, swallowing and raising both his hands to her face. He kissed her then as if it were the first time, gently and softly brushing his lips over hers and just barely parting them with the tip of his tongue. He pulled back and Joey slowly opened her eyes to meet his.

“And I want it to always be you.” She sighed, moving back into him and pressing her lips back to his. The kiss deepened, their tongues sliding slowly against each other. Pacey moved his hands from her face down her shoulders and then wrapped them around her waist, lifting her. He dragged his lips down her neck, trailing open-mouthed kisses along her skin and she softly moaned his name into the night sky. He slowly lowered her back to the ground and they pulled apart, panting and both a little stunned from the level of emotions running through them.

“C’mere.” He practically growled, taking her hand and pulling her after him. He walked over to the nearest boat at its mooring, hopping up on deck in his tux in one swift movement and turning to offer her a hand aboard.

“What are you doing?” She whispered as he wrapped his arms around her again, kissing her and guiding her towards the cabin door that led below deck. “We can’t do this…” She giggled.

“Oh, yeah. I think we can.” Pacey chuckled, pressing her up against the locked door so that she could feel him hard against her stomach. He lowered his head to kiss her chest and Joey moaned again. Trying to stay focused, she leaned her head back as he made his way back up to her mouth, his hand trailing up the inside of her tanned thigh and disappearing under her dress.

“We really can’t…oh, God…do this here, Pacey…”